The opening piano of “Old Time Rock And Roll” plays over loudspeaker and Joe slides onstage in his boxers and undershirt just like in Risky Business. Then he falls and brushes himself off.

Joe
Welcome to Manic Depressive Theater.
A couple quick announcements; please,
no standing in the aisles and no smoking
in the theater, because both are fire hazards.
In case a fire does break out, please locate
the emergency exits located to the far back left
and the far back right of the building.
Your seats also double as floatation
devices found under the seat cushion,
rather than a mint.

(pause)

Joe
There are no mints under your seat.

(pause)

Joe
Marty, that’s your cue.

Stumbling onstage in his jammies.

Marty
Oh, yeah... we, uh.
Man, I’m sorry. I’m just so nervous tonight.

Joe
Well, Marty, is it the underwear thing?

Marty
No, you were right.
That’s helping, but I see myself
in my underwear every day.

Joe
Marty, you’re supposed to picture
them in their underwear. That’s what
defeats the whole stage fright thing.

Marty
Ohhhhhh. Well, hey, that’s even better.
So, then why are we in our underwear?

Joe
Well, let’s not be selfish.
I think they deserve a treat too.
I know I’m no voyeur.

Marty
(admiring audience)
Whoa, I can get used to this.
(makes horrible face)
Dude, don’t look now, but there’s
a man in the back wearing a purple thong.

Joe
Oh, that’s just Jeff.

Marty
Oh, OK.

Jeremy’s voice is heard offstage.

Jeremy
Hey, has anyone seen my lucky boxers?

Joe
Uh, well, we’ve got a great show for you...

Jeremy walks on stage wrapped in a towel. Looks at Joe’s underwear and gets angry.

Jeremy
HEY!!!

Jeremy chases Joe offstage and Marty is left alone for a moment before Lacy pokes her head out from behind the curtain.

Lacy
Marty, have you seen my underwear?

Marty
Why, I’d love to.

Marty exits.