Woman is sitting in a chair on stage, talking on the phone.

Woman
No, I don’t know where he is. It’s after ten
and he hasn’t come home from the office.
Well, he never gets in this late without calling.
(looking at front door)
Oh, thank god, he just pulled up.
I’ll call you back.

Woman stands with her arms folded and her back to the door as the man walks in with a burlap sack, a gun, and a ski mask. He sets them all down casually, but woman doesn’t notice.

Woman
And where have you been all night?

Man
I had to work late at the office.

Woman
And why didn’t you call?

Man
Look, I was busy.
You know... things are gonna
have to change around here.

Woman
(turning to face him)
What is your problem?!
(she notices the bag, gun, and mask)
What the hell is that?
Did you rob a bank?

Man
I got no choice, honey.

Woman
What are you, crazy? Why’d you rob a bank?

Man
Because that’s where the money is.

Woman
What money?
All you got was a 10
dollar bill.

Man
That’s all I need.
Besides, it’s not the quantity...
it’s the quality.

Woman
Honey. If you want 10 bucks,
I’ll give you 10 bucks.

She gives him a 10

Man
That’s not good enough!
That’s the old 10.

Woman
I don’t understand.

Man
Not many people do.
Don’t you see it?
Don’t you see the difference?

Woman
Well, his heads a little bigger...

Man
Oh that’s all you women care about.
Not me. My river runs deeper.
My soul boils over like a pot
potatoes when you’re cooking
mashed potatoes. The hamster
of my heart run in a wheel for...
Alexander Hamilton.

Unveils a shrine to the new $10 bill.

Man
As you can see by the picture
he’s really much more attractive.
(rant)...

Woman
Honey, are you gay?

Man
No baby. I aint gay.
There’s more to love than
just sex. Not much more, but I’ll learn.

Woman
Oh dear lord. I think you
need to see a doctor.

Man
That’s right baby. I got a fever.
I need a shot of Alex in my veins.
10 cc’s of Hamilton, stat!

Woman
I mean it. You’re sick.
You could have been shot.

Man
That’s what they said when
he dueled Aaron Burr...
How romantic.

Sirens are heard off stage

Man
Oh my God. They found me.
I don’t know how, but they found me.
Run for it Marty!

Cop
(offstage)
Drop your guns and your pop
culture references and come out
with your hands up.

Man
It must be Aaron Burr.
He’s on to me baby.
Grab a musket and cover me.

Woman
Uh huh

Man
FREEDOM!!!

Woman
Don’t forget your money...(shot)
(looking at $10)
Hey, he is pretty hot.