Yeah, it's back. Now, with more news, more action, more bullshit! Get ready as Toa Freak takes you on an orgy of hypocrisy, speleng erurs, and flabbergastation! Find out why you should care, why life sucks, and where waldo is! This to be the best rant yet!
Well, of course it's going to be the best yet. IT'S ONLY MY SECOND FUCKING RANT! Well, unless I utterly fail and crash 'n' burn with this, in which case it will not. But, well, fuck it. Welcome to another rant of Toa Freak. Today's topics include: Sickness, health, expectations, setting goals, the meaning of flabbergastation, and where waldo is. Yes, I know his location, and if you wish to find him, you must pay me:
1,000,000 dollars (dun dun dun)!!!!!!11
Now, ur probably wondering what's with the ones at the end. Well, it seems to be the popular web thing.....what? I can follow trends....I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM!!!!!
Anyway, onto the first of many bullshit subjects. It has always flabbergasted me that people except you to be able to do everything they can. That, or they compair you to someone obviously superior to you and expect you to be able to do what that person can. WHAT THE FUCK?! I mean, you might, let's say, be doing a rope climb. Let's say ur a little chubby and have asmah (I don't know how to spell it. Get off my case), and your gym teacher has you challenge someone who is known to be a great climber and quite agile. Well, as they are just getting to the top and you're only 5 ft. off the ground, the gym teacher will shout some bullshit like, "Get moving! Blah blee is already headed down. If he can do it, then you should be able to, too!" If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time, and go to my gym teacher and have them challenge the agile kid. Upon them losing, I'd shout the same bull they would at me, Then, once they were about down, I'd set off a series of explosives I had set there via time travel the previous night, not killing them, but hurting them enough to wish to die.
However, should they actually be winning, I'd set off the explosives earlier, cause them to go flying and land on a carefully placed sword which I would have placed after watching the event once and then used my time machine to retrieve a sword and place it in said position.
This brings me to another point: sicknesses. If the above philosophy is true, why not stop their, lets apply it to sickness. "I DON'T CARE THAT YOU HAVE THE FLU! THINK OF ALL THOSE WHO HAVE POLLIO, OR AIDS! THEY STILL GO TO SCHOOL AND DO SHIT! IF THEY CAN, SO CAN YOU!" See my point now? The above philosphy should not be used at all unless applied to all points of life. In this case, there is no middle ground.
Onto another bullshit subject: Swearing. This whole "You shouldn't swear!" shit is really getting old. I mean, they're just words. So let me get this straight, I can say "Curse you!" but not "Damn you!"?
THEY MEAN THE SAME DAMMED THING!!!Q!
(Yes, that is a Q) Or a better example. I can say "you're illegitimate!", but not "you're a bastard!" Hell, I think the first one sounds worse. Seriously, is anyone following here?
Now, onto goal setting................................goal setting......................meh, screw it.
Finally, where is Waldo? Well, to find him, you first need a friend of the same sex. If homosexual, get a friend of the opposite sex who is also homosexual. If bisexual, I don't care if you do this. It's no fun to me then.
So, once you have said friend, face each other. Choose who is person one and who is person two (but person one must be a guy for this two work). To start. Person once will approach person two as if to kiss them. Person two will wait till the last moment and duck, stopping right in front of the pelvis area. Person one is to them make a pelvic thrust at person two's face, knocking them back. Person one must then rush at person two, who should now be laid out on the floor. Person one must crouch over person two if as to stick their balls in the other's mouth. BUT DO NOT STICK BALLS IN MOUTH!!! Now think of something sexy, and pull down your pants.
Congradulations! You just found Waldo!*
Thanks yous agains. Fuck you all, and good night.
*Same effect can be achived through premarital sex or (tw)incest. Masterbation is discuraged unless said masterbation is mutual.