Did You Say Antagonist?
By Amanda Martin
Setting
is the Baker Theater in Kantner Hall,
AARON
So
today we’ll be continuing our discussion of play analysis form.
CHRIS
So
let’s talk about inciting incident. Any thoughts on inciting incident? Anyone? Huh?
THE CLASS
Yeah. If this were a play, Aaron announcing the
topic of discussion would be the inciting incident. Right?
CHRIS
No.
THE CLASS
Why
not?
CHRIS
Because that’s not active.
That’s not a strong choice. See,
when you guys become actors you’ll learn the difference between a strong choice
and a weak choice.
THE CLASS
So
what would be an inciting incident?
Would it be when we all woke up and decided to come to class?
CHRIS
No! Nothing happens unless it happens
onstage! You don’t understand this! You don’t understand!
AARON
You’ll
have to excuse my associate, that’s his Latin temper talking. But he is correct; you can’t analyze a play
by what happens offstage. Theater is an
active art form. You can only analyze it
by its actions.
THE CLASS
So
what about a play like Medea where everything happens offstage?
AARON
Yeah…well…So
anyway, let’s back up and discuss protagonists and antagonists, since we need
to understand the root conflict before we can analyze the root action.
CHRIS
Yeah,
note the word “action.” Not root
emotion; not root incident offstage; root action.
AARON
So continuing with today’s class as an example, since I think
that’s interesting, who in this situation would be would be the protagonist?
THE CLASS
Can
I ask a question?
CHRIS
No.
AARON
(Over CHRIS) Sure, go ahead.
THE CLASS
How
come we’re all lumped together as “The Class?”
Why not use our individual names?
CHRIS
Because we’ve decided to consolidate you all
as one antagonist.
THE CLASS
Antagonist?
CHRIS
Because you all have one shared motive.
THE CLASS
What’s
that?
CHRIS
To
annoy the living shit out of me!
AARON
Bonus
points for profanity!
THE CLASS
But
I thought the antagonist wasn’t just the bad guy.
AARON
That’s
right, but since you’re impeding our attempt to teach you play analysis form,
which is our motive, you make yourselves the antagonist, collectively.
CHRIS
And
our motive is stronger than yours, since some of you are clearly sleeping right
now, so we’re driving the scene, and we’re the protagonists.
THE CLASS
But
our motive is to learn, and we showed up for class. If it weren’t for us, there would be no
class. So we drive the scene and we’re
the protagonist, collectively.
CHRIS
Okay,
but how are we stopping you from reaching your objective?
THE CLASS
You’re
fucking confusing us.
AARON
Bonus
points for profanity!
CHRIS
Okay,
okay, okay. So what’s the resolution?
THE CLASS
Ummm…
AARON AND CHRIS
Ummm…
Simultaneously,
THE CLASS and AARON and CHRIS rise into the air in chariots drawn by dragons,
carrying the bodies of dead Greek children.
They fly away. The CHORUS appears
out of nowhere, as they often do.
CHORUS
Yeah,
so…We really have no way of distinguishing protagonist from antagonist here,
and the playwright crapped out on a resolution, so…yeah. Scene.