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| Random Insanity |
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| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:16:29 PM | Message Detail |
| Well, I know some of you heard my announcement a while back about the status of this account. Well, just a few more days until I finally do it. So, in recognition, I'm going to do some reruns. On the final night, it'll be time to talk about old times. Well...let's get into reruns. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:17:31 PM | Message Detail |
| ((This was the story I wrote right after geting the job at Cinnaporn and attended orientation. Three parts. It's relatively recent; I'll bust out the old stuff in a moment.)) Ashton: Hi, I'm Ashton Precis SO2. You're all here for your Random Insanity training. This is a mandatory course for all applicants interested in filling a position on the board "Random Insanity". First, I'll pass out an Organizational Chart. This Org Chart just lets you see who runs what. ------------------Ashton Precis SO2 ---------------------- ------CJayC----------------- -----------Shadotak---------- -------Everyone Else-------- -----------Other People------ Ashton hides a big black permanent marker that looks as if it were just used. Ashton: In this course, I will instruct you on all of the requirements and rules for you in Random Insanity. Various positions are all available in many departments. The "Obnoxious n00b" Department is currently full, however, and we're not seeking any new members. During the course of this orientation, I will show you various videos detailing Safety, Workplace Procedures, Ettiquette, Sexual Harrassment, and whatever else I see necessary. I've enlisted the help of various Random Insanity members to portray themselves* throughout the videos. *In the case of uglier posters, like Angelman or orange, veryslightlytrained actors have been paid 5 <whisper>fake</whisper> bucks to replace them. Ashton: Please sit where you are and don't fidget. The first video is starting soon. This is a video on Safety. Ashton shuts off the lights and presses the "play" button on the VCR. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:17:57 PM | Message Detail |
| The TV screen crackles a few times and the movie starts. Bob the Cow is standing in a field of flowers. Narrator: Hi, simple denizen! Rumor has it you're interested in joining Random Insanity! Bob the Cow nods while munching flowers. Narrator: Wow, seems like you're already ready! Bob starts walking to a giant "Random Insanity" sign, Narrator: Uh-oh, Bob. You can't go there just yet. Bob turns his head quizzically and moos. Narrator: No, Bob, you have to learn about safety! A giant pack of condoms appears out of nowhere, and the Narrator chuckles. Narrator: Not that kind of safety, Bob. I'm talking about things like how to prevent being slaughtered. On cue, Razor Man walks out and slaughters Bob. Narrator: Which leads us to our four steps of Workplace Safety. Step 1. Be Aware of Your Surroundings As you have already seen, Bob was not paying attention when Razor Man slaughtered him. To see if you've learned your lesson, here is a quick test. Please stop the tape while your instructor administers the test. Ashton stops the tape and pulls out a few notecards. Ashton: Okay. Which of the following two places are safer...A hobo's back alley full of knife wielding maniacs, or a field of flowers? Correct, the back alley. In a field of flowers, you may be subject to whining, sexual harrassment, and "challenged" animal things. Back to the video. The video starts and the Narrator continues talking. Narrator: Thank you for your test. Now, step 2. Step 2: Know your equipment Hi, Bitcloud! Bitcloud waves to the camera Narrator: You're on the camera, Bitcloud! Bitcloud's eyes turn wide and he mouths "Me?" Narrator: Yes you, Bitcloud. Are you having trouble with the paper shredder? Just then, Bitcloud stops attempting to force Kil Rasha through the paper shredder. The Narrator chuckles. Narrator: Sorry, Bitcloud, but you can't hide the evidence of a drunken night gone wrong in the paper shredder. That's not what it's for. Bitcloud looks absolutely devastated. Narrator: Don't be upset, Bitcloud! There are many other things you can do with the paper shredder. No, don't mount it! That's for the sexual harrassment part. Here. Put paper in there. Good. Now press the button. Good. You've done it! Bitcloud jumps up and down, clapping. Narrator: Here's the wrong thing to do. orange runs out from offscreen and shoves Bitcloud through the paper shredder. Various screams can be heard. Then a bright green light blinks "paper jam, paper jam". The Narrator chuckles mischievously. Narrator: Uh-oh, orange, you caused a paper jam! orange grins mischievously. Narrator: Please stop tape 1 and insert tape 2 of "Workplace Safety" now. (part 2 up soon) --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:19:06 PM | Message Detail |
| Ashton takes out tape 1 and inserts tape 2 into the VCR. Ashton: Alright. This is tape 2 of the Workplace Safety training videos. Please watch carefully and don't cause any trouble. Announcer: Hi! You look like you've had a busy day, haven't you? Well, don't go to sleep just yet! It's time for the next step in Workplace Safety. Step 3: Self-inflicted injuries Announcer: Now, I'm sure you all know our friend Charlie the Duck here. He's going through a little problem, aren't you Charlie? Charlie nods and quacks sadly. Announcer: You know that we have a counseling program for our sad workers, don't you, Charlie? Charlie: I remember reading about that a few days ago. What can I do? Announcer: Don't worry, little duck. You'll be just fine. Come see Counselor Highway Monkey. Charlie waddles into Highway Monkey's office looking slightly more hopeful. Highway Monkey is sitting at his desk flipping through a porn magazine. Announcer: See, Charlie unburdens his heart to Highway Monkey like a good employee. Charlie: I don't feel quite comfortable telling you this, but I'm going through tough times. Highway Monkey: ...so? Charlie: My wife and hatchlings left me, I'm worried I'll be fired from my job, and...did you say so? Highway Monkey: Bah, you complain too much. Whiny little ****. Back in my day, we lost our wives ALL the time. You ever see us complain? Not if we were REAL men. I'd come to work and lose a wife a day on the faster weeks. Sometimes I could keep 'em for days! Charlie: But...but... Highway Monkey: What's more, I must have gotten fired more times than you've GTA'ed! And another thing... Charlie slowly waddles back out of Highway Monkey's office, looking deathly ill. Announcer: Don't you feel better already, Charlie? Charlie looks around the office, then blinks. All of a sudden his head explodes. Announcer: Uh-oh! That could cause a fire! All of the employees run up to Charlie's decapitated body and yell "Duck Dinner!" Announcer: Poor Charlie. So what did we learn from this lesson? Stop tape. Ashton stops the tape and looks at the class. Ashton: Can anybody tell me what we learned from this tape? ****. I was hoping one of you guys would know. Um...if anyone asks, we went over this part and I explained it in detail, okay? You tell 'em otherwise and you'll be breathing through your FEET! I'll start the tape again. Announcer: I'm sure your instructor explained it quite well. The entire class gulps. Announcer: There's only one step left in the Workplace Safety video. This is the most important one. Step 4: Do NOT Anger Your Violent Coworkers. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Raine Maida | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:19:15 PM | Message Detail |
| Ashton, I feel like I want to love you mega-hard. In the pants. --- "An ordinary boy, an ordinary name, but ordinary's just not good enough today."- Our Lady Peace, "Superman's Dead" |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:19:21 PM | Message Detail |
The scene cuts to Kil Rasha walking around the streets of RI. Kil Rasha: This one would speak with you! Blah blah Druids with scimitars! Dragons roleplaying loud! Dead Pig flies into the scene with his trusty Ashton's Dead Pig's TreeBranch and lops Kil Rasha's head off in one blow. Dead Pig: ARGHGHGHGH! Scene cuts to Evil Mario and GameQueen sitting on GameQueen's summit. Evil Mario: I'm real sorry about insulting you in my comics... GameQueen: Really? Aww, thanks! You're not so bad, Evil Mario! Evil Mario: Really? GameQueen: I know ya'll think I'm really obnoxious, but... Evil Mario: Yes? Evil Mario leans over to kiss GameQueen. GameQueen's Thoughts: Oh my...what is he doing? Evil Mario's Thoughts: 1..2...3! Evil Mario turns around and pushes GameQueen off the top of her summit. Evil Mario: Don't complain about my comics! Scene cuts to BradRock and a plain ol' rock BradRock: Whass crackin', homie? Rock: ... BradRock: Yo, don't be messin' wit me like dat G! Rock: ... BradRock: Ain't nobody gonna talk **** bout my gizirl Natalie Portman like dat! Rock: ... BradRock: Booyeah, sucka, it's on! Brad rushes the unfortunate rock, ready to urinate on it uncontrollably. Suddenly, the rock stands up and brings out a giant scythe. Man5iac: Don't attack me, BradRock... The Man5iac's Revenge slices through Brad's neck. Announcer: Now you know all about workplace safety! Be careful, Random Insanity! Stop tape now. Ashton stops the tape and faces the class. Ashton: Alright, there will be a test later. You have a break until our next video. Thank you. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: aquariusphoenix | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:20:47 PM | Message Detail |
| *shakes head* |
| From: MokBaIX | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:20:57 PM | Message Detail |
| Wow Ashton. I remember that topic. Remember it like the last night, when I was drunk. And I killed those hobos. Wait, not kill, have sex with. And not hobos, hot girls. --- "hahaha... i love you Mok..." - Turk "Masturbation? Illegal? ****, there must be one hell of a bounty on me." - Bored Gamer |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:24:58 PM | Message Detail |
| Yay, I'm getting comments. Especially from Raine Maida, who will be having my children someday. Up next...hm. I'll put up some old Ashton League episodes. Yay. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:44:23 PM | Message Detail |
| I lied. Haha. See, it's funny because I promised you one thing and did another. Here's an Ashton Precis SO2 3000 episode. The first, actually. Ashton, Precis, and SO2 were sitting around the SoRI (Satellite of Random Insanity), waiting for the next inevitable attack. That's when they heard the alarm. Ashton screamed in fright. Professor BG came upon the screen, cackling with delight. "Prepare for some fanfiction the likes you've never seen!" BG exclaimed. Precis just looked bored. "BG, why do you keep sending these stories to us? BG gulped. "I, ah, can't get a date on Saturday nights, so I don't really have anything else to do..." "Note to self...find BG a woman, dammit!" were the last words SO2 could get it before they were thrust into the Theater.<br> Here was a I happy as I could ever be that I'm getting my gamecube. Ashton: Shh! It's starting! Precis: That was the author. SO2: If only he knew how much his GameCube was gonna torment us... Oops excuse me Precis: Okay. We accept your apology for writing this. I haven't entroduced my self my name is Mohammed Ashton: Way too ripe for comment. I'm 13 years old I think that's all you need to know. SO2: [as secret agent] If I told you anymore, I would have to kill you. "Well dear here is your money so that you can get your gamecube" said my Mom. Precis: [as author] Little did I know that it was MONOPOLY money... "Okay mom I'll be right back". Ashton: Instead, he got run over by a bus. The end.<br> Everyone: YAY! Then I got out of the car and ran to the shop. Ashton: Wait. How the hell did he get into a car? SO2: Did he accept a ride from a stranger? Ashton: [as stranger] I will give you a ride to the store... Precis: [as author] I'm not supposed to take rides from strangers... Ashton: [as stranger] I have candy... Precis: [as author] SCORE! When I reached the store I heard a teenager say Precis: [as the Fonz] Heeeyyy!! Sit on it! " Oh man did you see the X-box that my very, very rich cousin had we gotta get that thing". Ashton: They gotta get his cousin? Precis: Hold me. I'm scared. SO2: Only if you hold me too... The teenager was wearing a black leather veat SO2: Quick! Get the veat! Ashton: [as presidential candidate] And I promise...no more "Where's the Veat" jokes! and his friend was a guy with glasses holding a notebook computer. I paid no attention. Precis: If he paid no attention, how did he know these things? Ashton: ...now I'm scared! |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:46:56 PM | Message Detail |
| "Excuse me Precis: Do that in the bathroom. I'd like a gamecube with Luigi's mansion and super smash bros melee" I said. SO2: [as store clerk] And I'd like money. What a deal. "YOU... WANT...THE FORBIDDEN...CUBE..." The creepy clerk said. Ashton: ... Precis: ... SO2: ... Everyone: Indiana Jones! He had black eyes being floded with black Liquid<br> Precis: Oh no! Ashton: We'll use Visine! SO2: No, that gets the red out. (Ehem kamikaze kaitou jeanne) SO2: Gesundheit. like a demon possed him. Precis: I'm gonna be nice, I'm gonna be nice. "GAURDS... TAKE HIM AWAYYYYY". Precis: [as clerk] I AM SET ON BULLHORN MODEEEEEE! Ashton: [as clerk] MY VOICE IS ECHOOOOIINNNGGGG!!! Then two X-boxs turned into a demon which was a black shadow SO2: Just one demon? (If you watch kamikaze jeanne you'll know what I mean. Precis: [reading through the rest of the story] I don't think I'll ever know what you mean, at this rate. "Ah get away from me" I yelled. Ashton: That's what we yelled when we started reading this. "What's happening here" My mom said as she enterd. Ashton: [as author] Oh, nothing much. Precis: [to mother] So you've been reading this too? SO2: [to mother] You have any idea what it means? "NO run mommmmmmmmmmmm" I shouted. SO2: Why couldn't he tell us to run, before it was too late? Then the store clerk shot an energy ball from his hand which imprisoned my mom in a green small ball with an X drwan on it. Ashton: [as Bond-Villain] So we meet again, eh Mr. Bond? Precis: [as Sean Connery] We'll shee, we'll shee.<br> SO2: [as Vegeta] I am the true prince of all gaming consoles once again! The the demons shot a black wave which fainted m.....e..... Everyone: YAY! SO2: We need to throw them a party. And that was the beginning of my adventure and the war between X-box and gamecube. Ashton: And the end of the fic! The three of them ran out of the theater, holding their noses. "BG! How could you do that to us!" Ashton yelled. The answer that came back was exactly what they expected. "You stupid kids! You'll never leave!" Precis just pointed to the door with the bright green EXIT sign. They all walked out of the SoRI. BG was shocked. "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you kids and your blasted dog!" SO2 smiled. "Rat's right, Rored Ramer!" THE END --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Hackmast | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:47:05 PM | Message Detail |
| Our Ashton is growing up! *cries* You have two days to move out! --- "The vengeance of Heaven is slow but sure!" |
| From: Raine Maida | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:49:52 PM | Message Detail |
| LOL, Ashton, make love to me. NOW. --- "An ordinary boy, an ordinary name, but ordinary's just not good enough today."- Our Lady Peace, "Superman's Dead" |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:51:34 PM | Message Detail |
| Well, just seven more days. I should probably do something new at some point. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Raine Maida | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:52:29 PM | Message Detail |
| NOOOO!!!!! ASHTON PRECIS SO2 WILL LIVE FOREVER OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL RIP YOUR EYES OUT THROUGH YOUR ARSE! --- "An ordinary boy, an ordinary name, but ordinary's just not good enough today."- Our Lady Peace, "Superman's Dead" |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:56:23 PM | Message Detail |
| Let's see...what other old things do I have? Maybe we'll go with this. One to three parts. Yet another one I never finished. Ashton was walking through the now-defunct Ashton Anchors---The Evil Twin Empires. As he walked through, he noticed many of the old things about the company. Magus's collection of porn, Man5iac's old papers, and...everybody else's collection of porn? He reminded himself to hire non-perverts next time he opened a company. One of the files he found on an employee's desk looked interesting. Ashton picked it up, blew off the dust, and read. "This letter states that I, Flow guy, will leave mysteriously, tell no one, and leave no clues...dammit! This note tells people, doesn't it? I'm going to leave for that one place now then...damn! I left a clue!" Ashton sighed as he realized it continued on for two pages, about the same thing each time. Flow guy would accidentally leave a hint, then yell at himself for it. Apparently, he was still trying to grasp the eraser concept. You would think that Flow guy, creator of Once Upon A Time..., would be more careful. But apparently, he wasn't. Which was good for Ashton, because that meant he had something to work off of in this, The Search For Flow guy. It was time for Ashton to pay a little visit to The Great Magus, a little-known German Prostitute on Saturdays and a well-known poster on the Random Insanity board. Maybe he'd have some information. Ashton just thanked every single deity in existence that it was a Friday. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:56:37 PM | Message Detail |
| The streets were cold, but Ashton was on a mission. He was going to find Flow guy, kidnap him, and take him back alive to Random Insanity even if he had to kill him. The Great Magus lived in an old, abandoned castle along the road. Rumor had it that Lucy Liu could be seen here every so often, but like all rumors nobody believed it. It wasn't even believable like the old Man5iac/Dead Pig 7 love child rumor. Ashton walked up to the door and knocked. A spooky voice said "Whooo is it?" Ashton kicked the door in response. The voice grew angrier. "I am a scary disembodied voice! Fear me! Answer me!" Ashton just sighed and kicked the door again. "Dammit Magus, you do realize nobody ever fell for that, right?" The Great Magus opened the door and sighed. "It was a good idea in theory. I'm sorry, my creative juices just aren't flowing right now." With a smirk, "Is that because it's not a Saturday?" was Ashton's reply. Magus just glared at him and let him in. They sat down in Magus's living room (which was actually living. Thankfully, Ashton was wearing pants.) Wasting no time, Ashton immediately started questioning Magus. "Magus, where the hell is Flow guy?" Magus just sat there dumbfounded. "Magus, what do you know of a place called the RI Lounge?" Once again, Magus sat there dumbfounded. "Magus, do you have any expression besides dumbfounded?" A shake of his head was the only answer. Ashton knew he wasn't getting any more answers here. Hell, he should have known that before he got here. The Great Magus didn't exactly get by on brains. It was more looks. Well, no, not really. He did have movie star looks, but that star was Lassie. Maybe Magus was just lucky. Yet another mystery Ashton would solve one day. Still, he could go check out this "RI Lounge" he had heard about. Maybe he'd be able to find one of his informants there, and they'd know something about Flow guy. Ashton said goodbye to The Great Magus and walked out of his creepy castle. Something didn't seem right about it. The road was long, but he was in too deep. He only had three choices now...find Flow guy, die trying, or go home and play some Star Ocean 2. For the sake of the story, let's say he went to go find Flow guy. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:57:07 PM | Message Detail |
| The RI Lounge always freaked Ashton out. It had all this vettines attached to it, along with some strange stories. Nonetheless, it was time to enter, for Flow guy's sake. As he stepped into the Lounge, he noticed an oddball assortment of people. People drinking, people socializing, people fighting. What could be going on here? He walked over to his informant, Dead pig. He knew Dead had to have something to tell him, he always did. "Dead pig, what's the news?" "Mop." Ashton sighed. "Dammit, Dead. That's not an answer." "It's my final answer." Ashton kicked Dead pig and sighed again. "Well it's wrong. You don't win anything. Now where's Flow guy?" "Well, it all started when I was three. People told me I was dropped on my head around about then, so I'm guessing that's when I got my uncontrollable love for midgets. But that has nothing to do with that bowel control problem I was telling you about, right? That's all my brother's fault for..." Not caring to listen to anymore, Ashton walked over to Bradrock. "Hey Bradrock, what's up?" "Not much, just doing the macarena uncontrollably!" "Isn't that how you do everything, Bradrock? Must make you pretty popular with the ladies." Bradrock turned red and tried to look away uncontrollably. "I...don't really go for women." Ashton was shocked. "You're...g...g..." "That's right. I'm grocerysexual. I just love vegetables and fruit! Mmm...there's this nice piece of celery I got my eyes on. Though those oranges are round and firm..." At that point, Natalie Portman walked in, slapped Bradrock, kissed Ashton, and ran away. Ashton walked off from Bradrock, hoping to find someone with some actual information. As he was walking, he noticed a note. "The following people will not find me...HORRIBLY! I'm running away for a while and will not be back...HORRIBLY!" The note went on like that for about 20 pages. Ashton didn't have time to read it, so he just threw it away. With a backward glance and a promise to forget the image of Bradrock and that grapefruit, Ashton walked out of the RI Lounge to find someone with more information. Maybe that Dark Kirby knew something; people were always posting in his topics for some reason. That would be his next stop. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:57:36 PM | Message Detail |
| Er...that's all I wrote. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: MokBaIX | Posted: 7/13/2002 8:59:59 PM | Message Detail |
| Ashton, I love you. In the bra. --- "hahaha... i love you Mok..." - Turk "Masturbation? Illegal? ****, there must be one hell of a bounty on me." - Bored Gamer |
| From: Hackmast | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:02:06 PM | Message Detail |
| You sure did a lot for RI! To bad there's nothing we really can do to celebrate you! Unless everyone makes a topic about you, so a whole page would be about you! --- "The vengeance of Heaven is slow but sure!" |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:05:23 PM | Message Detail |
| Oh boy, this is gonna take a while. Now I have to post up No Life: Survival on the Boards... --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:13:12 PM | Message Detail |
| Ashton: Wow, I can't wait to get on the plane and see what's going on in foreign boards! Dead Pig: *is checking luggage* Maybe we can visit the red light district of LUE... Ashton: And how is that, exactly, different from the rest of LUE? Dead Pig: A red tint to the light. Ashton and DP then place their luggage to be checked. Brad, Magus, orange, Charlie, and Angelman are up ahead, waiting for them. Magus: You wouldn't believe the problems I had getting my baggage through customs...inflatables, smokeables, more inflatables...they're way too rough on us. orange: And it really didn't hurt that Brad insisted on a cavity search. Charlie: *shudders* EIGHT times. Brad: Booyeah! I'm feelin' violated! The seven RI posters all sit in the waiting room of the airport. Various conversations strike up and then die down. Eventually, the conversation leads to their plans. Ashton: We just have to check out The Couch. I've heard so many things about it. None good, of course... Angelman: And the red light district of LUE! Magus: Psshaw. I worked there. Nothing special. Brad is flipping through an old porn magazine, and Charlie is looking very intently over his shoulder. orange has fallen asleep. Brad: I pity da foo who be not likin this magazine. Charlie: I've never seen anything like this...it's so... Charlie's head explodes. The mess is cleaned up, and Charlie appears again whole. Ashton: Anyway...they should be letting us on the plane any minute now. Flow guy: Please make your way to Plane 52, round trip non-stop to GameFAQS: Message Boards. Now seating all seats. The seven head onto the plane and find their seats. All are sitting in the same area. Brad still has yet to put down his magazine. Likewise, orange is still asleep. The task of carrying her was put on Charlie. (as the poor duck wouldn't know what to do with a woman, whereas the others would take whatever opportunity they could get) Dead Pig: I wonder who the captain is... Man5iac: This is your captain speaking... ... Please observe the no smoking signs. Also observe the seatbelt sign. And lastly, observe the magazine a certain flyer is reading in seat 15-B...yes, nice rack on that one. ... Thank you. ... Brad: I'm so special! The captain must think I'm a thexy thailor. Cut ahead to 30 minutes later. The plane is a mess. Toilet paper and other garbage is everywhere. Some of the passengers are missing, but no one's talking. Especially the captain. Magus: I hear sometimes, crossing over the mountains to foreign boards, these planes crash. That would be a shame. orange: *mumbling in her sleep* bondage...get AIM, you ****tard...no no no...that's the bad touch... Charlie: Those are funny things she's saying, guys. What do they mean? Ashton: Er...tell you when you're older. Magus: Cause, y'know, if we got stranded on a mountain, us survivors would have to eat those who didn't make it...you know, to live and everything. Dead Pig: Right, Magus. I don't see that happening. Magus: Anyway. *hands everyone meat tenderizers* Ashton: What the hell? Magus: For massage therapy. Ah, try spreading some of this marinad...er, lotion, too. Good for the body. At this moment, the plane starts to fall. Lower and lower to the ground. Brad: What in the name of deep-throating is going on? Dead Pig: Oh no! Man5iac, our captain, is lurking! He forgot to keep piloting! Oh no! What could happen? Stay tuned for the exciting next installment. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:19:49 PM | Message Detail |
| In the last installment of the RI Mini-Series NoLife: Survival On the Boards, Brad got eight cavity searches, Magus pulled out some meat tenderizers, and innocent Charlie Duck didn’t know what to do with a sleeping orange. Oh, and the plane crashed. Or it’s crashing. Whatever. You think anybody actually reads the summary up here? No. So for the record, DP is lousy in the sack, and Magus thinks he isn’t, but he is. Only one worth anything, really, is that Ashton fellow. Dead Pig: The plane is crashing! The plane is crashing! Magus: My seventeen illegitimate children! What will they do without me? Angelman, Charlie: Shutup, Dad! Dead Pig: Tell my wife I loved her! Brad: Tell Blockbuster that I have the movies! Ashton: Tell Brad that I have his movies! Brad: You got my movies, sucka? Ashton: Yup. Brad: I had always wondered where they were. Ashton: Yeah, let me get them. Ashton walks through the chaos to his bags, picks up the tapes, and hands them back to Brad. They then enter into a calm, collected conversation. Angelman: The board! The board! The plane crashes into the board. It slides through a bunch of deserted topics, and then finally lands on a blank spot. Various members of the plane get out. Charlie looks up at the wreckage. Charlie: Boss! Da plane! Da plane! Ashton: Hey, that’s MY gimmick. The survivors all flock around to see who’s still around. Magus is made temporary leader because he’s old and the least qualified for the position. Magus: We need to see if everyone’s here! So say something when I call your name. Magus goes through the list of names. Magus: Ashton? Check. orange? Check. Brad? Put that away. We don’t need to see that. Not until later, anyway. Charlie? There’s no time for joking, Charlie Duck. Dead Pig? Damn, he made it through. DA? Yup. VSM? Wow, I forgot you were on the plane. Magus? Dammit, Magus, where are you!? Guys, did Magus make it? Oh, right. I’m Magus. Well, I guess that means Flow guy, Angelman, and KoN are unaccounted for. What a shame. Well, at least we won’t run out of food. Ashton: What? Magus: Er...because there’s less people to feed. Yeah. Look! A distraction bunny! Go eat it. VSM: You stole my joke, Magus. You stole my joke. Cut ahead to a few hours later Ashton: Okay, guys. I’ve figured it out. We’re trapped on an abandoned board. But it was only recently abandoned. Charlie: Where’s that, Ashton? Ashton: Er..well... VSM: Oh. False suspense. Big deal. It’s because you don’t like me. Ashton: Yeah. You’re right, actually. Anyway... orange: Spit it out, ****tard! Ashton: Funny you should say spit it out... Charlie: What’s that mean, Ashton? Everybody else turns white. White as the vanilla yogurt that was spilled on this board’s floor. Except Charlie and Ashton, of course. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Hackmast | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:20:48 PM | Message Detail |
| Memories, memories! Funny memories! --- "The vengeance of Heaven is slow but sure!" |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:23:15 PM | Message Detail |
| Ashton: Well... orange: Quick! Hold up these crosses! Ward away the evil! Magus: It’s burning my flesh! Brad: We’re...we’re here! The dirtiest place on GameFAQs! Booyeah! Dead Pig: ...I don’t want to be here. Ashton: Yes, that’s right. We’re at the board where...well, you know. Charlie: Where what, Ashton? I don’t understand. Dead Pig: Don’t tell him like a madman! His innocent mind can’t take it! Ashton: I have to. It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t. Brad: Shh! I’m trying to worship uncontrollably, yo! Ashton: Fine! I’ll tell him...hold on... Ashton whispers something into Charlie’s ear. Charlie then runs screaming in the opposite direction. Ashton: That’s not good. What now? How do we leave? VSM: How about clicking on “Board List”? Ashton: Nope. Too easy. Magus: I know. We’ll have to survive on the food. VSM: There is no food. Magus: I know! I mean...really? Then we’ll have to eat the people who didn’t survive. Brad: I could never do that, yo! Fo’sho! Magus: You do other things to them! Brad: What can I say, yo? They don’t fight back. Magus: Who didn’t survive? DA and orange, being the women of the group, are given the toughest and most physically demanding jobs. They come back with the bodies of Flow and Angelman. Ashton: What the hell were those two doing when they died? Dead Pig: No idea. I’m trying to figure out how they got Flow to bend that way. orange: well, bad news. Magus: You mean, apart from the fact that we crashed on a dirty board? orange: do not mention the board. DO NOT MENTION THE BOARD! Ashton: Right. Don’t mention the board. Don’t mention it. The board, that is. Make sure that the board is not mentioned. Ashton is knocked unconscious very quickly. orange: our food is gone. Brad: We’ll be okay. orange: most of our luggage is gone. Brad: Sho nuff. orange: and...all of our porn is gone. Ashton: How do you lose all of that? Magus: It’s gone? Brad is shocked into silence and cannot speak. He becomes mute uncontrollably. Magus: I don’t think Brad’s okay. VSM: Brad’s more than okay. He’s a thexy thailor. Magus: Aside from that. Someone put him back in the plane wreckage. The two grunts, orange and DA, lift Brad back into the plane. Twenty minutes later, when nobody has left the plane, the guys start to get worried. Magus: Where are they? Dead Pig: They’ve been in the plane a long time... Ashton: This is sad...poor Brad should have jumped up and said something about a free show by now... A few minutes later, orange and DA walk out of the plane. They’re both disheveled and looking a little red. The two walk past everyone and head off into the distance. Ashton: Wha... Magus: Wha... VSM: If the men have sex, so do the women. Ashton: When do the men have sex? Magus: Oh yeah. Ashy-poo is usually asleep for that part. Ashton: ...I’m scared. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:23:53 PM | Message Detail |
| A day later. Dead Pig: I’m so hungry... Magus pulls out a knife and fork Magus: It’s official. We have to eat one of the dead. Ashton: Yeah, I guess... VSM: That’s great. You guess. Let’s go, I’m hungry. Two hours later. Dead Pig is missing. Ashton: Yes, I know his name was Dead Pig, but... orange: but nothing. Magus: He’s yummy. Ashton: Guys, I think he was still alive. DA: DEAD Pig. Make sense? Ashton: Fine. Meanwhile, a few feet from the plane... Charlie: This board...so dirty...so nasty...it’s warping my mind! Charlie enters closer to the plane, where orange and DA are standing guard. Charlie trips over a rock and lands on his face. On his way down, trying to stop himself, from falling, he accidentally grabs both DA and orange in awkward places. Charlie Voiceover: That...did I just grab...oh no. My mind is being warped even further...I feel...I feel like a thexy thailor! Ashton: Hey, it’s Chaz! He looks so crazy! DA: He...he...grabbed me! I don’t know whether to thank him or kill him! Ashton: Where’s DA#2? DA: Military school. Magus: I recognize that look! He’s become a pervert! Charlie is now standing in the doorway, with the perverted look on his face. He’s halfway hunched over. Charlie: I need...the bathroom...need bathroom. DA: Why? Magus: Don’t ask. Right behind the plane, Charlie. orange: I feel so violated. DA: I do too! Brad: Dammit! Everybody feels violated except for me! I wanna feel violated too! Magus: Alright. Come on, we’ll go watch Charlie together. VSM: And of course, everybody forgot I was here. Nobody ever remembers me. orange: could you and Ashton leave the plane for a bit? me and DA have some cleaning to do. DA: Thorough cleaning. Ashton: Er...great. I’m out of here. VSM: Hah! I’ll stay and they’ll forgot about me. Ashton leaves. About a minute later, VSM runs out screaming. Ashton: Wuzzat, VSM? VSM: Kill me. Kill me now. Ashton: Okay. VSM: No! Stop! Just don’t go into the plane. It’s...not right in there. Charlie’s trying to get in there as we speak. In the background... Charlie: YEEEEAAAHH! Magus: Er... Brad: Umm... They both hold up signs with "5.5" written on them. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:25:24 PM | Message Detail |
| Highway Monkey:On the last episode of NoLife (Survival on the Boards)... Charlie became a pervert! DA and orange cleaned thoroughly! Magus made horrible plans! And people died! What will happen tonight? Well, a few of you already know. On to the story... Highway Monkey: Why do I sound so happy? I know I’m not on drugs. No, wait, I am. I’m getting old. Someone get Grandpa his “juice”! Why did Ashton make me narrator, anyway? In the recesses...behind the links...plans are being made. KoN: They think I’m dead! But they’ll see how wrong they are... Angelman: You think I would be killed off so quickly in the story? No! KoN: I figure we have at least another two parts in us. Angelman: There’s no way we could be killed off anytime soon! Two arrows fly through the air and strike both of them dead. MadKatt: You had better believe you could be killed off sometime soon. Elsewhere...back at the plane wreckage... Brad: Close your eyes, Charlie. Sense it within yourself, suckah. Charlie: This is so stupid! Why blind myself? Brad: Take yo lightsaber and strike! DA wakes up DA: What the hell are you doing? Charlie: I can’t see! Charlie swings his “lightsaber” wildly. DA: You pervert! Brad: He is no pervert yet! Charlie: I’m trying! Brad: There is no try, only do, sucka. Let us head to the planning session, where everyone is trying to figure out a plan. Magus: Look. I’m the leader, and I say we make low budget porn! VSM: Uh...Magus...nobody’s disagreeing with you. Magus: Right. So. Who’s first? Another arrow flies through the air, chunking into a chair. MadKatt: You are ruining the sanctity of this board! Ashton: Actually, that happened after the little “adventure”. VSM: You cannot make us leave! MadKatt: Oh yeah? I worship this board! I worship what has happened on this board! For I secretly love the depraved acts of this board! MadKatt puts bars around the plane, trapping everyone. Ashton: Oh no! VSM: Only orange, DA, Charlie, and Brad can save us now! Ashton: Oh no! Magus: Wait, I have an idea. Remember where we are. People can do things they normally couldn’t. Let me try something. VSM: Try it. I don’t think it will work. Ashton: VSM? You’re still here? I forgot. VSM: ...*mumbles* Magus: Watch. *expertly removes bar* The bars all fall. Ashton: You expertly removed the bra...er...bar! Magus: Yes. Now we have to go do something about that guy. Come on, Ashton. Ashton: Right! VSM: I’m still here, you know! Ashton: Oh yeah. Anywho...let’s go! --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:26:02 PM | Message Detail |
| MadKatt is waiting with...Man5iac? Yes, the pilot of the plane who caused them to crash! Are they working together? Man5iac: ...I knew they would despoil this board...I cannot tolerate that...for I am at heart a pervert...and I like what happened on this board. MadKatt: Yes. Man5iac: ... MadKatt: ... Man5iac: ... MadKatt: ... Man5iac: ...! MadKatt: Oh, right. N fnpvpfh48 yi47vrjo4wahg Yes, that’s me bashing my head against the keyboard. At this point, Magus, VSM, and Ashton round the hill. MadKatt: We must kill you! Man5iac: ...yes. *draws the Man5iac’s Revenge* A fight ensues. MadKatt thoroughly beats VSM. Man5iac breaks Magus’ old man hip, and aims at his ehad. Ashton: No! Quick, we must form the...the Three Who Are One! Magus: Right! VSM: Whatever... Magus, VSM, and Ashton make lots of strange hand motions and movements. Eventually, they slowly fuse into one person. VeryPreciousMagus: We are the Three Who Are One. Our Pervert Powers cannot be defeated. Man5iac: ...! MadKatt: Oh no! We cannot defeat their ultimate form! Man5iac: ... MadKatt: You’re right, Man5iac. Let’s go. Another fight ensues. This time, VPM utterly destroy Man5iac and MadKatt. VeryPreciousMagus: We cannot... Magus: be defeated. Ashton: Wait. Don’t we all three get a part in that sort of thing? VSM: Yeah. It’s supposed to be all three of us finishing the same sentence. Magus: Oh well. What is everyone else doing? wildweasel1: I’m in the script! I’m in the script! wildweasel1 gets run over by a truck. Now onto everyone else. orange: I’ll see your shoe and raise you a sock. Brad: Okay, Charlie. This is it. Make me proud. Charlie: I’ll see your sock and raise your skirt! Brad: BOOYEAH! My little boondoggie’s all grown up. orange: What the hell are you doing, ****tard? Charlie: Er...uh... orange: You have to promise the bondage first! Charlie: Bondage...orange...uh... Brad: Run, suckah! Brad and orange run as fast as they can. They both jump and duck. An explosion is heard in the distance. As is DA. DA: You bastards! You’re gonna die! Charlie’s head exploded all over me! orange: You cheated on me with Charlie! Charlie: ... Ashton, Magus, and VSM run up to the chaos. Ashton: What’s going on? Magus: Isn’t it obvious? Charlie’s becoming more of a pervert. VSM: I knew it had something to do with sex. At the plane... orange: Pervert sense...tingling! And something else is, too...did I just hear the word sex? Highway Monkey: Well, next time is that blasted musical. Back in my day, we didn’t believe in music. We didn’t even believe in believing in music. Oh yeah, explanation... Did MadKatt and Man5iac survive? I don’t know. Let me check the script...yeah, they did. Wait, you’re not supposed to know that. Forget I said anything. Just go home, children. Play with your pants. I don’t care. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:27:10 PM | Message Detail |
| NoLife (Survival on the Boards) Part Four: Los Musicales HM: I would ordinarily tell you what happened last time, but I’m a lazy bastard. I’m not doing anything. Writer: Oh yes you are, HM. Sing. HM: No! you can’t make me! Writer: Sing, or it’s off to GoatseLand for you. HM: ...but I like GoatseLand. Writer: Fine. Then sing, and you can go. HM: Alright. Fine. Ahem. Opening (To the tune of “Science Fiction Double Feature” from Rocky Horror) HM: Highway Monkey was ill The day Ashton asked him to fill The role of announcer man And Ashton was there in only underwear VSM was an invisible man But then something went wrong With DA and her song The writer’s brain got in a jam! Then at a deadly pace He ran out of space And this is how the story began... Stupid Fiction Pointless Feature Old man Magus Will forget his dentures See DA fighting Brad and Charlie And orange stars in With the others, dammit. In the RI Stupid Fiction NoLife show. I knew Ashton would fare well With a great big barrel And Man5iac took to the hills. And Brad really got hot When he saw Charlie was not The same nice duck that kept closed his bill. Old Magus ate prunes Gave him the runes And he’s passing them still. But when deadweight comes by MadKatt’s gonna try The others posters he’s gonna kill Like Man5iac... Stupid Fiction Pointless Feature Old man Magus Will forget his dentures See DA fighting Brad and Charlie And orange stars in With the others, dammit. In the RI Stupid Fiction NoLife Show. Don’t wanna go oh oh oh To the RI Stupid Fiction NoLife Show. Last in the row. Oh oh oh oh. In the RI Stupid Fiction NoLife Show. Ain’t no more to go. Oh oh oh In the RI Stupid Fiction NoLife Show. HM: You happy, Ashton Writer? Writer: yyyyyyup. HM: Good. I’m gonna go get stone drunk. Now, back at the plane... Magus: Okay. We have a new arrival, who’s only going to be here for a few minutes. His name is Strata. Strata: I used to be wingzero2. Magus: Right. Now, do the roll call, Strata. Strata: Okay. Did I tell you I used to be wingzero2? Magus: YES. Just do the roll call. Strata: Ok. Magus, DA, orange, Brad, Charlie, Ashton... VSM: Hey, what about me? Strata: Oh yeah...I forgot about you, VSM. Did I tell you I used to be wingzero2? VSM: Everybody does! Dammit! VSM walks off into the mountain, muttering to himself. Magus: Okay, everyone. Now listen to this. There is apparently some sort of thing going through the board... orange: Yeah, I call it Brad, foo. Brad: Hey, suckah! Ain’t no jimma-jamma wit you, foo. orange: Whatever. Magus: Okay. Now listen. Something in the air is causing random people to burst out into song. DA: What kind of weak plot device is that? Writer: So sue me. I had to think of something. Magus: Anyway...hey, Ashypoo. Ashypoo? Charlie shakes “Ashton”, who is revealed to be a shirt with a coffee can for a head. The coffee can has a smily face drawn on it. Charlie: Ashton is gone! And his double...it looked so much like him! Magus: Hold on, there’s a note...I can’t quite make it out. Ashton: (hiding behind the plane) It says I left GameFAQs for personal reasons! Charlie: Quick! Let’s make a petition to bring him back! Ashton signs the petition. Magus: Didn’t you leave, Ashton? Ashton: Er...yeah. I’m not here. Really. Magus: Okay. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:28:21 PM | Message Detail |
| And back to VSM, taking a walk... VSM: Grumble mumble grah. Nobody ever remembers me... VSM is hit with a wave of magical pixie du5st. VSM: I feel a song coming on... (To the tune of Big Balls by AC/DC) VSM: I’m ever lower class Ceej’s gift of utter non-notoriety I’m always left in the backroom (or in the bathroom stall) The social pages say... They don’t mention me at all! I’m not at all No I’m not at all Don’t see me at all Don’t care at all And he don’t see all And she don’t see all But nobody sees me, sees me at all! And Ashton’s always bouncing Magus is a big fool And Brad just comes and comes again! My name is on no lists My rage is growing higher Everybody says I’ve got... WAIT! They just call me a liar. I’m not at all! I don’t give out charity Or wear a fancy dress Or go on secret boards for pleasure In the background is where I do my best But Ashton’s always bouncing And HM is never right It’s my belief that my downfall Is STLF every night. But I’ve got the biggest downfall of them all! VSM: Where the hell did that song come from? Hey...it’s...it’s an exit! I’m out of here! VSM clicks the “Board List” link and goes back to RI. At the camp... orange: I’m sad about that ****tard Ashton leaving... Ashton pokes his head around the wall, then scurries off. Magus: I could have sworn I had just seen him DA: It’s common to hallucinate when you’re upset. Ashton walks into the room. Ashton: I’m back! Charlie: Yay! Magus: Welcome back, Ashy boy. orange: Did you come back with AIM? Ashton: I have to leave now... Ashton “leaves” everyone. By hiding Magus: Again? Well, okay. Brad: That sad-faced-suckah-duck. He needs to come back, yo. Booyeah. Ashton: I’m back. Magus: Alright, Mr. Bouncy. You deserve that name. Ashton: Mr. Bouncy, huh? Ashton is attacked by magic pixie du5st. Ashton: A song! “Bounce”(to the tune of Bounce by SOAD) Ashton: Leave! Bounce! Go! Now! I went out of the boards With a whirl, a bit bored I had so many friends! Just like a pogo stick I came back right quick I lost so many friends! And I did it again LEAVE! Pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo BACK! Pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo Leave! Back! Go! Now! Unannounced GFAQS breaks All posters with new names They line up double quick With just one leaving topic Mr. Bouncy gets to stay Runaway, holiday It was so erotic But then leave again really quick LEAVE! Pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo BACK! Pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo Leave! Back! Go! Now! I like to head on out And then come back again... LEAVE! Pogo pogo pogo pogo BACK! Pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo Leave! Back! Go! Now! Ashton: Wow. What an interesting song. Magus: Indeed. orange: Where did the magic pixie du5st go, and how the hell do you pronounce du5st? Charlie: I don’t know. Magus: Okay, as leader, I have to do something about this! Ashton: You’re going to go look for the source of the dust? Magus: Well, if by me, you mean Brad and Charlie, yes. orange: Yes! Charlie will stop hitting on DA! DA: Oh no...orange or Charlie? I’m so screwed. Brad: Not yet, yo. Just wait. Magus: Go on, Chaz. Go on, Brad. Go find out where it’s coming from. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:30:24 PM | Message Detail |
| Meanwhile... MadKatt: Explain your plan again, Man5iac. Man5iac: ... MadKatt: I get it, I get it. But what about afterward? Man5iac: ... MadKatt: Right. Gotcha. So then we’ll spread the magic pixie du5st. Brad and Charlie, in the meantime, stumble upon MadKatt’s shack. Brad: It’s tizime to use those pervert powers, yo. Charlie: Am I good enough, Obi Wan Bradobi? Brad: Just go do it! Charlie: Right. Back at the plane... Magus: And I still say that HM is scarier. DA: No, orange is. Ashton: I’m afraid of my pants. Can I remove them? DA: No! Magus: No! And if by no, you mean yes, like I do, then by all means. Ashton: Nah, I’m ok. Then, orange enters the room. orange: You don’t think I’m scary, foo? Listen to this! (to the tune of “the Grinch”) orange: You’re a mean one, orange chick. You really are a heel. You’re as touchy as a demon With tentacles to feel. orange chick. You’re a bad orange with A greasy orange peel You’re a monster, orange chick. Your hentai knows no bounds. Your brain is full of bondage You make such interesting sounds orange chick... I need to get you a thirtynine and a half foot pole! You’re a vile one, orange chick. Your site is mighty foul. It’s full of animated girls With a nasty little growl orange chick... Given the choice between the two I’d take the nasty little growl! Oh, you’re a monster... Ashton: That’s enough! Magus: I never saw you get hit with the magic pixie du5st. orange: I just sang it to sing, foo! Ashton: Okay, I agree with DA. The scary one is orange. DA: Yeah, I know. I wish DA#2 was here. Ashton: You do? DA: Yeah...I think it’s time for a song... Ashton: Really? DA: No, stupid. I don’t do singing. Magus: I wonder how Brad and Chuck are doing... At MadKatt’s base... MadKatt: It’s Charlie and Brad! Man5iac: ...! MadKatt: Right! I’ll get them! MadKatt leaves. Man5iac: ...feh. Dead weight...hopefully they’ll kill him. If not, I will...I think... MadKatt: Charlie! Brad! This ends here! MadKatt fires magic pixie du5st at Charlie and Brad. MadKatt: Sing now! Brad: Alright, yo! Charlie: Song number 12, master? Brad: Booyeah! Just like we’ve practiced it! --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:31:06 PM | Message Detail |
| Charlie puts on a policeman uniform while Brad changes into a loincloth and Indian headdress. Brad: Let’s go, yo! Charlie: Booyeah! Thexy Thailor Time! “Pervert Man”(to the tune of Village People’s “Macho Man”) Brad: Body...wanna feel my body? Charlie: Body...such a thrill, my body! Brad: Body...wanna touch my body? Charlie: Body...it's too much my body Brad: Check it out my body, body. Charlie: Don't you doubt my body, body. Brad: talkin' bout my body, body, Charlie: check it out my body! Both: Everyone wants to be a Charlie Brad man To have the kinda body, thexy thailor of the land Explodin’ in the mornings, yo man yo! Looks out in the peephole, pimpin’ hos You can best believe that I’m the pervert man Ready to get down with anyone we can Charlie: Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey! Brad: Pervert pervert man Pervert man! Charlie: I’ve got to be thexy thailor man! Brad: Pervert pervert man! Both: I’ve got to be a pervert! Charlie: Body, its so hot, my body, Brad: Body, love to pop my body, Charlie: Body, love to please my body, Brad: Body, don't you tease my body, Charlie: Body, you'll adore my body, Brad: Body, come explore my body, Charlie: Body, made by God, my body, Brad: Body, it's so good, my body Both: You can tell a pervert He has a funny walk! His playful whips and leather, bikinis made of floss! Funky with his body, Wjing Call him Mister Thailor, dig his chains You can best believe that he’s a pervert man Likes to beat the meater, he’s always got his hand! Charlie: Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey! Brad: Pervert pervert man Pervert man! Charlie: I’ve got to be thexy thailor man! Brad: Pervert pervert man! Both: I’ve got to be a pervert! Both: Every man ought to be a pervert pervert man To live a life of hedon, perverts make a stand! Have their own porn style and ideals Possess the tapes and evidence, life’s a steal You can best believe that I’m a pervert man I’m a thexy thailor in any land Charlie: Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey! Brad: Pervert pervert man Pervert man! Charlie: I’ve got to be thexy thailor man! Brad: Pervert pervert man! Both: I’ve got to be a pervert! MadKatt: That song is awful! Brad: Recognize, yo. Charlie: You can’t beat our thexy thailor powers. MadKatt: Oh yeah? Man5iac! Let’s go! Man5iac: I don’t want to fight with you, MadKatt. MadKatt: Why can’t we be more like Brad and Charlie? WHY? Man5iac: ... MadKatt: Fine then. Man5iac: ...no. ...feh. You’re right... MadKatt: Really? Man5iac: ...yes. Brad and Charlie steal some of the du5st and spray it at the two villains. --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:31:55 PM | Message Detail |
| Just the Two of Us(to the tune of “Just the two of us”) MadKatt: I see the three periods fall Man5iac: ... MadKatt: And I see the silence of it all Man5iac: ... MadKatt: Is when the Revenge is drawn through Man5iac: ... MadKatt: To cut through people in the line... Man5iac: And I want to cut right through you... Both: Just the two of us! Deadweight and lurker will try! Just the two of us Just the two of us Posting little on RI! Just the two of us On RI. MadKatt: We look for stuff, no time for jeers Man5iac: Dead weight is all you is... MadKatt: And it don’t make me happy, no Man5iac: Even though you’re just dead weight... MadKatt: Not too much yourself there, mate. Both: So why are we in this show? Both: Just the two of us! Deadweight and lurker will try! Just the two of us Just the two of us Posting little on RI! Just the two of us On RI. MadKatt: I hear the posting button click But you don’t post in the topic Man5iac: And it becomes clear that you... Katt, when the end of it comes MadKatt: And I see the lurking stop Both: I’m gonna stick with you! Both: Just the two of us! Deadweight and lurker will try! Just the two of us Just the two of us An affair from way on high! Just the two of us On RI. The song ends. Man5iac and MadKatt are crying, holding each other. Man5iac: ...! MadKatt: I agree... Brad and Charlie quietly exit. Once they return at camp, DA has great news. DA: Guys! We’re going home! Ashton: Yeah! Magus: Let’s go! Brad: You’d better not be pullin’ my leg, yo! orange: no joke. We’re going. Ashton: VSM is going to copy and paste us into the correct forum. Then, a slight wave of the du5st hits Magus. Ashton: And I guess we’re ending with a song? VSM: {from the sky} Hurry up, slow folk! Magus: Hold on, I have a song to sing! --- Seeking New Signature. |
| From: Ashton Precis SO2 | Posted: 7/13/2002 9:32:29 PM | Message Detail |
| “Where’s It At?”(to the tune of “Where It’s At” by Beck) Magus: There’s a castle a little up the road From the whorehouses and hospitals we own A place where the lights turn low With the sad-faced-sucka and pullin’ a Flow Pulling out wives and lots of orgy handouts Board 403 is where I make my home! But I’m an old man I just forget I just forget Where’s it at? Board 403 is where I make my home! Where’s it at? Board 403 is where I make my home! Pick some ginseng on down the road With my old man bones and my whip scratch load Remembers only nothing higher Than the last five minutes I oughta retire Shine your shoes, you n00bie new Bathing suits for us manly dudes *poses* Passing the doobie from roast to roast My pants got loose could you grab the rope? Where’s it at? I don’t remember how to get back home Where’s it at? I don’t remember how to get back home Magus: (speaking) What about those who leave both ways? Ashton Precis? Magus: (singing) I don’t remember how to get back home I don’t remember how to get back home I don’t remember how to get back home I don’t remember how to get back home I don’t remember how to get back home I don’t remember how to get back home Oh dear me. I’m so dainty, dammit. That’s so long, Brad. There’s a castle a little up the road From the whorehouses and hospitals we own A place where the lights turn low With the sad-faced-sucka and pullin’ a Flow Pulling out wives and lots of orgy handouts Board 403 is where I make my home! But I’m an old man I just forget I just forget Where’s it at? I don’t remember how to get back home Where’s it at? I don’t remember how to get back home I got nothin’ on my mind... Ashton: Yes! We’re going home! HM: And thus ends the tale of our intrepid group. What the hell? Thus? Nobody says thus anymore. Or intrepid. What crummy writing. Stay tuned. Ashton: Coming soon...a new project. I’m not revealing any details just yet. But I’m not resting for long. Soon, I’ll have up the first of my new project. FINALLY! THE END OF THAT ONE. IT TAKES FOREVER. --- Seeking New Signature. |
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