Just as Marcus became comfortable with his ignorance, a question, an important question, came to mind.  If she was married, would it make any difference? Would he still think about her? Would he still want to see her? Would he still want to talk to her? Marcus answered the question “Of course it would make a difference.  I’m a preacher.” In his mind that made sense.  If she was married he would think abut her.  If she was married he wouldn’t want to talk to her.  If she was married she would just be someone that he knew.  It wasn’t a big deal and it wouldn’t be a big deal.  Marcus was convinced.  Now he was very comfortable in his ignorance.

Marcus arrived in Raleigh a little before 10 PM Friday night.  The drive had not been too bad.  He actually had enjoyed it.  Karen had suggested he get audio books for the drive and he was glad he had obeyed.  He listened to two and they really made the time and miles go by.  Marcus wasn’t as tired or sleepy as he thought he would be, but he knew that once he laid down, he would have no trouble going directly to sleep.  He gave his parents a quick call to let them know he had arrived safely and called Delvin to remind him that he had promised to give him a hand tomorrow.  Five minutes after talking to Delvin, Marcus was sleep

Marcus woke Saturday morning with something new for his to-do list – find Tonya.  It wasn’t something he had contemplated or reasoned.  It was as if he woke up and it was on the list already.  Now that it was on the list, he told himself that it wasn’t a big deal.  He would eventually get to it, although he knew he only had a few days.  Yet, Marcus could not avoid thinking about what he would say to her when he found her.  He did wonder why his thoughts were not merely to see or talk to her, but to find her.  What discovery did he have in mind? What was he looking for?  He was unclear of his expectations.  He only knew he had to find Tonya.  It was on the list.

As He and Delvin opened boxes and moved furniture, Marcus was unusually quiet.  He missed one of Delvin’s patented almost funny jokes.  When he failed to take advantage of Delvin’s quip about lunch with a witty comeback, Delvin knew Marcus was mentally somewhere else.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing.  Just thinking.”

“Nothing.  Just thinking? Markie, my boy, that means something is on your mind.  What’s up?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking about – you remember that kid I used to hangout with named Gary?”

“Yeah, the boy with the sister named – oh, I see what is going on.  Man, you thinking about that girl.”

“Nah, I mean yeah.  I ran into her in the airport in Chicago.  She is moving there.  I was just thinking about her.  No big deal.”

“Is she still fine?”

“Dee!”

“Mark, you know that girl used to be fine.  Both of Gary’s sisters were fine.  You were around Gary all the time.  Why didn’t you try to get with, um, Tonya? That’s her name.”

“I just never said anything to her.  I started to, but then I saw her with Big Stanley.  You remember him? I wasn’t about to mess with any girl messing with Big Stan.”

“I remember Big Stan.  I didn’t know she went with him.  I know Gary and Stan got into a fight over Tonya.  It wasn’t really a fight.  Big Stan almost knocked Gary out.  Something about Stan trying to touch her or kiss her or something.  Anyway, Gary tried to defend her and got knocked out.  I guess if you had tried to talk to her, you would have gotten knocked out, too.”

Marcus didn’t hear the last sentence.  He was too busy reviewing what made him think Stanley and Tonya were an item.  That is exactly what he thought.  That is exactly why he never said anything to Tonya about how he felt.  He believed she was seeing Big Stan.  He had allowed himself to imagine much more.  Stanley Thomas was three years older than Marcus.  He was called Big Stan because of his size and his disposition.  Marcus had nothing in common with Big Stan, so he imagined that the rough, brawling type was what Tonya liked.  He imagined that she would not be interested in someone like him.  He imagined she would ask him what make him think she would be interested in him.  He imagined that he would be rejected.  He imagined that the pain would be unbearable.  Marcus had not only hid his feelings, he had buried them because of Big Stan.

“Did you hear what I said?” That’s the next thing Marcus heard Delvin say.

“What?”

“Did you hear what I said about Karen?”

“What did you say?”

“I said Tonya was finer than any girl you dated except Karen.”

“Man, you’re crazy.  What about Teresa? She was fine.”

“Teresa had a flat nose.”

“You’re still crazy.  Teresa was fine?”

“You know Teresa looked like her face was always pressed against a window.”

Marcus and Delvin burst into laughter.  Delvin was right.  The laughter got Tonya off Marcus’ mind for a while.  They took a break for lunch and shortly after lunch Delvin left.  Marcus went to his not quite organized office to start on his sermon for Sunday.  He would be preaching about Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan.  Mephibosheth, who was crippled in both feet, was appointed to always eat at the king’s table because of his father’s relationship with the king.  The point Marcus hoped to make was that despite the disappointments and tragedies life may hold, there is always hope for a happy ending.  Marcus hoped that this would be true for him in love.  He hoped that even though he had been unfortunate in finding true love – lasting love, there was still a happy ending for him.  He only had to find that elusive prize; that treasure of treasures; that someone he would love for the rest of his life.  He only had to find her.

 

The routine on Sunday for Marcus was to be up by 6:30 and at the church by 8:00.  Marcus liked the feel of the church early in the morning with no one else there.  He would sometimes sit on the front pew and meditate.  Sometimes he would walk around; appreciating every corner, every space.  In the quiet, holy serenity of Sunday morning, Marcus was able to think most clearly.  Much of his inspiration occurred on Sunday morning.  Inspiration turned to gratitude and gratitude turned to enthusiasm.  By the time worshippers arrived, Marcus was revving to go.  Not just in Sunday worship, but Marcus was ready to undertake all the work he believe God had for the church.  He knew that Hebron Baptist Church could make a great difference in many people’s lives.  It had only to meet its challenges.

The main challenge for Hebron Baptist Church was to find its place in a unique community.  It was located in a community that, like many North Carolina communities, depended on agriculture for its livelihood.  The church was the centerpiece of the community.  Everyone came to church.  Changing times were also hard times.  The people of the community shared the experiences of making ends meet and trying to get by.  In recent years the community had seen what those who had lived there the longest would call an invasion as new housing developed on the west side of the community.  Not wanting to leave the community or not able to afford leaving, those misplaced by the new developments moved to the east side of the community.  The community had two sides.  Both sides attended the community church and if there were the proverbial tracks that divided one side from the other, some would say that they ran right up the steps and right down the center aisle of Hebron Baptist Church.  The previous two pastors had pandered to one side or the other.  One was very money conscious and saw the west side as the future church.  The other validated himself by his relationship with the ‘needy’.  Marcus challenged himself to be a shepherd and server to all the congregation and community.  Marcus had heard the sorted conflicts the division had caused and he was determined that they would cease on his watch.  So far Hebron Baptist Church was very pleased with their new pastor. 

Marcus was praying his care for people regardless of who they were would be contagious.  He was also praying that the church would share a great love for God.  Marcus believed that all issues began with the question “Do you love God?” It pained him to see the struggles people faced because they could not answer that question appropriately.  Marcus was eager to tell anyone that to truly love God was to accept Him and His life-fulfilling love.  This love, he would say, inspires obedience and trust which brings about deliverance.  Marcus felt it was his calling in life to guide people to that deliverance.  Pastor Austin was a good pastor.

Marcus woke up Tuesday morning feeling a little bit overwhelmed from Monday.  He had spent all day Monday at the church with the plan of reading minutes from church meetings to get a sense of the direction of things.  He was surprised by an influx of visitors who all claimed they saw his car and just stopped by to say hey.  Each visitor, however, was accompanied by an idea, complain, issue, or concern which they mentioned “by the way”.  Marcus was planning on establishing office hours.  He decided he better do that sooner than later.  He would give reading the minutes another try, only this time from his office at home.

After lunch, Marcus sat channel surfing; mentally going over his to-do list.  Realizing it was Tuesday, there was one thing he had to do that day.  He had to find Tonya.  He didn’t really know where she was or how to get in contact with her.  Tonya had said she was coming home to get her daughter and Marcus was sure she had not left her daughter alone.  The logically thing, he thought, would have been to leave her with Tonya’s parents.  Maybe they still stayed in the same house they did when Marcus used to go over to play with Gary.  The only plan he could come up with was to drive by there and maybe run into Tonya.  It wasn’t much of a plan but Marcus believed that it would work.  It would work, he told himself, if it was meant to happen.

Marcus didn’t feel as confident when he turned onto the street Tonya’s parents used to live on.  He tried not to drive too slowly or look too suspicious as he drove by the house.  It looked different, but it was the right house.  Marcus now felt very silly.

“This is stupid” he said to himself as he drove pass the house.  Marcus drove passed a couple of more houses and then decided that the quickest way out was the way he came in.  He turned into a driveway to make a quick turn around.  When he looked in his rear-view mirror, he saw her across the street.  He looked over his shoulder and saw Tonya and a little girl coming out of a house and heading for a car.  Marcus backed his car to the opposite curb and blew his horn as he got out of the car.  Tonya paused, not recognizing the car or him at first.  She smiled when she realized it was Marcus standing at the end of the driveway.

“What are you doing here?” Tonya asked with a laugh.

“Aren’t you supposed to be visiting the sick? Are you slacking all ready?”

“Hey, can’t a man take a break sometimes?”

“If you say so.  What’s going on?”

“Nothing.  Just taking a break.  I thought I’d go for a ride and remembered that your parents lived over here.”

“Not anymore.  They moved a few years ago.  We moved right here about five years ago.  You’re lucky you caught me.  I came by to check on something before we sell it.  I’m on my way back to my parent’s house now.”

“I was really surprised to see you in Chicago.  I can’t believe you’re moving to Chicago when I’m moving home.  I should’ve stayed in Chicago.  Then you could have taken me to lunch sometime.  Just my luck.” It was also just his luck that Marcus noticed that Tonya was wearing a wedding ring.  It was anything but small.  He didn’t know how he could have missed it before.

“Well, maybe the next time you’re in Chicago you can treat me to lunch.”

“Sure, I’ll take you to one of my favorite lunch places”

“Is that a promise?”

“That is a promise.  That’s if I know how to get in contact with you.”

“If you luck is like it is today, that won’t be a problem.”

“I don’t know how lucky I can be.”

“Chance encounters can happen.”

“This wasn’t a chance encounter.  That’s not why I am here.”

“Why are you here?”

“I came looking for you”

“Well, you found me.  You can find me again.”

Marcus and Tonya stared at each other in silence for a moment.  Both were taken back by not only what the other had said, but also by their own words.  In that silent moment, they were asking two questions – what did they mean and what did the other person mean.  Tonya broke the silence.

“Well, I don’t want my parents to come looking for me, so I better get going.”

“Me, too.  It was good to see you again.  Take care, Tonya.”

“You, too, Marcus.  Bye.”

“Bye.”

Marcus walked back to his car as Tonya got into hers.  Marcus felt happy.  Talking to Tonya had stirred him to life.  Though he was disappointed that she was still married, he was glad he had had the chance to see her once again.  He knew that he would think about her, but she was married and it did make a difference.  He would check finding her of his to-do list and move on.  They had connected and he was happy about that.

Tonya felt excitement and it frightened her.  She had to get herself in control.  She searched herself to find a reason for her excitement.  There wasn’t one she would admit to.  Sure, it was nice to see Marcus again, but she couldn’t explain why she had engaged in that word game.  She wondered what Marcus was saying to her and what was she saying back to him.  They were, she comforted herself, just being friendly.  Still, she wondered what Marcus meant when he said he came looking for her.  What was Marcus looking for?

A couple of weeks after seeing Tonya, Marcus had pretty much put it out of his mind.  Settling in and establishing a routine occupied his mind.  He returned to the state of mind he normally returned to days after seeing her.  It was state in which whatever it was he felt for her was secured away in a place he seldom allowed himself to visit.  Marcus, of course, continued to search; to long for something he believed was missing.  It was something he believed he would recognize when he found it.  However, as Marcus became more and more settled into his role as a pastor, the less urgent the search became.  Marcus was becoming content to give the longing the consideration a person would give there shadow on an overcast day.