His furniture was still in the house that used to belong to him but now belonged to the former Mrs.  Austin.  After their separation and divorce, Marcus had lived in an apartment he had scarcely furnished or decorated.  It felt good to live in a house again and he was looking forward to making it a home.

Of course any room would do when it came to thinking abut her.  That is exactly what Marcus did as he walked from empty room to empty room.  Part of him was planning the location of furniture.  The other part was back at the airport searching for her; looking for Tonya.  Marcus had known Tonya since he was 11 years old, but only as slightly more than an acquaintance.  Her brother, Gary, had played on the same little league team with Marcus and the only time Marcus really ever saw her was when her family came to a little league game.  Marcus would admit that he had a serious crush on her from the moment he saw her.  She became the best thing about playing baseball.  More than batting, more than running the bases, more than winning, and more than the ice cream after the game, she is what he looked forward to.  When she didn’t come to a game, Marcus spent the whole game wondering where she might be.  He was sure that he should have been where she was instead of playing baseball.  Knowing that he would not be able to see her once the season was over, Marcus became good friends with Gary.  If he brought any extra treats from home, he made sure he had one for Gary.  Once he lucked up and brought Tonya’s favorite chocolate bar.  When Gary refused to share his with her, Marcus was volunteered his.  When she politely took only half, Marcus put his half in his pocket.  There was no way he could eat his half in front of her.

Marcus would say, if asked, that it was a crush that he eventually got over.  The reality was Marcus had suppressed something deep inside him the way other children would suppress trauma or abuse.  Marcus would only allow himself to remember it as a crush, but deep inside somewhere it was more.  Marcus wasn’t standing in an empty house thinking about Tonya because he had a crush on her 25 years ago.  He was thinking about her because after 25 years something else was still inside him.

 

Tonya lay on the bed as she listened intently as Ryan talked about his new job and the house he hoped would be their new home.  Ryan had taken her to see the house after all.  It turns out a rookie running back signing a contract is not as big a story as one holding out for more money.  She wasn’t excited about living in the suburbs, but Tonya had to admit that she liked the house.  It was a roomy, yet modest, three bedroom house in a scenic neighborhood.  Ryan said that he couldn’t wait to come home from work to a nice dinner in that warm dining room.  Tonya knew however that covering the news, especially sports news, seldom allowed you to get home by dinnertime.  Still she enjoyed Ryan’s excitement because it transformed him into a kid.  Ryan paced about, then would sit down, and then would stand up as his conversation alternated between house and job.  Tonya always found herself surprised by how much she enjoyed the times Ryan would be like this.  They were indeed rare.  Ryan was a very focused person who believed in getting things done.  To Ryan accomplishments were fun.  He was delightful and charming, yet a seriousness dominated his personality.

Ryan noticed Tonya smiling at him and stopped mid-sentence and mid-step.

“What?” he asked almost childishly.

“Nothing” Tonya replied.

“I know I’m going on and on.  I just think Chicago is going to be good for us”

“Sure it is, baby”.

Tonya continued to smile as Ryan walked over and knelt down beside the bed.  He took Tonya’s hand and the smile left his face.

“Baby, everything is going to be wonderful” Ryan promised as Tonya looked in his eyes.  She pulled Ryan onto the bed beside her and he wrapped his arms around her.  She liked when he assured her.  She felt safe.  Things were under control.

“I love you, Ryan”

“I love you, too”

Ryan pulled Tonya closer.  He kissed her.  She rewarded his assurance.

 

Marcus had begun his Saturday about mid-morning.  He checked on some furniture he had ordered and picked up some small tables he had seen sitting outside an antique store.  After asking enough personal questions to cause Marcus to think she was flirting with him, the sales lady finally gave him a good deal.  She insisted Marcus call her if he needed anything else.  Marcus wondered if her friendliness would wane if he told her he was a pastor and invited her to church.  Then Marcus wondered why he didn’t tell her that instead of saying he owned his own business when she asked what he did for a living.  After all, he would be the owner of his OWN business only for a few more days.  He had to admit he like the attention.

Marcus continued his day by stopping by the places one would expect someone turning a house into a home to visit.  Hardware stores.  Specialty shops.  Like a lot of people, especially men, he lost track of time in Home Depot.  As he drove from place to place, Marcus was had thought of Tonya to keep him company.  He wondered where she could have been traveling to when he saw her.  He wondered a lot of things about her, including if she was still married.  He couldn’t think of any reason why she wouldn’t be.  He was just wondering.  Things change.  Maybe she wasn’t married anymore.

“And what if she isn’t” Marcus heard himself say out loud.  The sound of his voice startled him and he didn’t realize how lost in thought he had become.  He laughed at his silly self and said “Boy, you’re crazy” out loud.  He found sports talk on the radio and listened for something to occupy his mind.  Sports trivia and player stats were no match for his imagination.  Pictures of her walking though the airport played over and over in his mind like a highlight film.  This review ended as Marcus drove into the pastor’s parking spot of Hebron Baptist Church. 

Marcus had a meeting with the Deacon Board, but had arrived a few minutes early to hear the Youth Choir rehearse.  He tried to slip unnoticed into a pew, but the choir director saw him.

“Look.  The pastor’s here” she pointed out.

“Hello Pastor Austin” the choir said in unison.

“Hello.  You all sound wonderful.  I can’t wait until tomorrow” Marcus said.

“Pastor Austin, can you sing?” one of the young boys asked.

“I’ll tell you what.  I’ll leave the singing up to you, professionals”

The kids all laughed and Marcus laughed along with them.  He listened to them sing a couple of songs before heading off to his meeting.  Marcus had asked to meet with the deacons so that they could discuss with him what the church did and how it did it.  Marcus knew that as a new pastor, it was important he learned as much as he could how things operated.  He had his own church vision, but he knew a vision was useless if it didn’t serve the people.  Marcus had learned the importance of serving the people while an associate pastor at Shallow Spring Baptist Church in Chicago.  Pastor Wilkerson would ask Marcus and the other associates “What did you do for the people today”.  It was Pastor Wilkerson who noticed that Marcus was headed towards becoming a minister.  Marcus said that he couldn’t see it himself, even though he had gone back to school and was working towards a degree in theology.  He said he did it out of curiosity and personal growth.  Marcus would now say that his resistance was no match for God’s persistence.  Over the last two years, Marcus had become Pastor Wilkerson’s right hand man.  Truth be told, Pastor Wilkerson had shaped Marcus into a warm and loving pastor.  He taught Marcus to be firm, but compassionate.  When Marcus began to loose confident in his call because of his divorce, Pastor Wilkerson told him that God knew all that in the beginning, and called him for service anyway and that if God was cool with it, he should be too.  Still, Marcus felt a need to prove he was fit to be a preacher and pastor.  When he was interviewed for the pastor’s position at Hebron Baptist Church, he was questioned about his divorce.  He tried to be firm as he responded, but his voice trembled and a tear raced down his face as he answered.

“I made a mistake.”

The furniture that was supposed to be delivered on Monday didn’t arrive until Tuesday, so Marcus had to change is flight plans.  He didn’t arrive in Chicago until 6:00 PM Wednesday.  With Wednesday blown, he only had one day to get everything he had planned done.  A couple of meetings; sign some contracts; ship a few belongings; say good-bye to Karen.  Saying good-by to his ex-wife probably wasn’t necessary, but they were amicable and Marcus felt she would like to know that he was no longer in Chicago.

The captain announced that they were making their final approach and would be on the ground shortly.  Marcus reflected that he had not slept on this flight.  His mind went back to the dream he had as he flew to Raleigh five days ago.  The dream was a familiar dream although it was never the same as far as the location or scene.  What was always the same was her and the feeling Marcus had being with her.  Strangely, Marcus could never remember how she looked.  He wasn’t even sure she looked the same in each dream.  He somehow recognized her in each dream by something more than physical attributes.  He recognized her by the way she made him feel and how he felt about her.  It was as if they recognized each other in the dream by an internal connection.  Their souls were drawn and satisfied.  What Marcus experienced in this dream seemed so real that he was surprised and disappointed when he would awake from it.  Each time he would unsuccessful try to fall back asleep as quickly as possible, but the moment would be gone.  Marcus felt strange thinking it, but he wished he could find something as real as his dream.

Marcus was headed out of the airport when this time there was not doubt about it.  There was Tonya Fulmont headed towards him.  She spotted him at about the same time and they both started smiling.

“What are you doing in Chicago?” Marcus asked laughingly.

“What are you doing in Chicago?” Tonya replied.

“I live here.  Well, for at least today and tomorrow”

“What are you doing here, really?”

“I live here.”

“You’re kidding.  You moved to Chicago?”

“Yep, sure did.  Well, I’m in the process of moving to Chicago.  I am going to North Carolina now to get my daughter, Stacey, and we’re being coming back to Chicago for good.  How have you been?”

“I’m fine; really doing well.  I am moving back home to pastor a church in Raleigh.  I’m here to wrap up some business and then I’m going to drive back.  I should be in Raleigh for good Friday.  Gosh, it has been years since I last saw you.  I think I was at home and ran into you at a mall about three years ago.  What is bringing you to Chicago? Work?”

Tonya paused.

“Something like that.” she responded.  There was a moment of awkward silent as that looked at each other.

“Well, I got to get going.  I’m already running late and with today’s security, they don’t need a crazy woman running through the airport.  It is good to see you again, Marcus”

“It is good to see you, too.  You take care.”

“You, too”

There was another silent moment before they both turned to walk away.  Marcus quickly turned back.

“Tonya, when do you have to be in Chicago?”

Tonya turned and thought about the question.

“My flight leaves next Wednesday.”

“Okay.” Marcus said.  He slowly turned and walked away.  Tonya watched him for a moment, then turned and walked away herself.  She was surprised just how glad she was to have talked with Marcus.  She was also surprised by what she said or didn’t say.  Why didn’t she say that Ryan was already in Chicago? Why did she make it sound like only she and Stacey were moving?  She told herself that she just didn’t think about it.  Tonya was not the type of woman that flirted.  She was always careful not to send men the wrong signal and always maintained all the boundaries she felt a married woman should maintain.  Yet, with Marcus, she had been somewhat ambiguous.  By not being clear that she was moving to be with her husband and that it was his work that had led them to Chicago; Tonya realized she had left the door open for Marcus to wonder about her marital status. 

Tonya knew that she loved Ryan.  She considered him her hero.  He made sure she had everything she and Stacey needed.  Although he often had to be away depending on the sports season, she didn’t feel that he neglected her.  In fact, Ryan tended to be very attentive; spending a lot of quality time with Tonya and Stacey.  The only time he refused to be with them would be trips to the shoe store, but then, no one is perfect.  What she did or didn’t say to Marcus had nothing to do with Ryan or her marriage.  It had to do with something else.  It was Marcus.

Tonya searched herself.  She wasn’t searching in hope of finding something.  She was searching to assure herself that there was nothing to be found; nothing out of place emotionally; nothing wanting; nothing discontent.  She inventoried her life and her convictions as a wife.  She was satisfied everything was in order.  Order is what she loved.  She concluded that she wasn’t attracted to Marcus.  She concluded that he was a nice person and very pleasant to be around; and that there was nothing wrong about that.  He was an old friend.  They had just a friendly conversation.  No harm.  She would even tell Ryan she ran into Marcus.  Then she wondered why Marcus had asked when she had to be in Chicago.

Marcus wondered the same thing.  He wondered if Tonya knew what he was really asking – would she still be there when he got back.  He wondered if she had answered his intended question – yes, I’ll still be here when you get here.  He wondered if only she and her daughter were really moving to Chicago.  He had tried to look at her ring finger to see if there was a wedding band there.  However, each time he glanced her hand was at an angle that prevented him from seeing whether she wore a ring or not.  He could have asked, but the question seemed awkward in his mind.  Maybe, he thought, he didn’t want to know the answer.  As long as he didn’t know, there was the possibility that she wasn’t married.  If he didn’t know, it was okay to think about her; to wonder about her; to want to talk to her.