Marcus didn’t respond. His mother leaned forward and kissed his cheek.  She tried to stand, but Marcus held her hand and forced her to continue sitting on the bed.  Marcus looked at her with tears forming in his eyes.

“Mom.”

“I love you, son.  And I’m very proud of you.  Everything is going to be alright.  You know you saved those boys’ lives.  You will continue to do great things.  Get some rest.”

“Okay. I love you.”

Marcus’ mother left his room and Marcus did get some rest.  He slept through the night and dreamed about church, the shooting, and Tonya.  Dreamed that he and Tonya were in a classroom and his mother was the teacher.  The other students in the class were members of his church.  Delvin was sitting in a corner with a cone-shaped hat on his head.  Marcus and Tonya sat in the back of class and Marcus was busy passing love notes to Tonya.  His mother saw him and told him to be good.  Tonya began to pass him a note that, in his dream, grew to poster size. His mother rushed to him and grabbed the note just as he took it into his hand.  He mother opened the note and then asked Tonya if she wanted to tell the class what it said. All the church members turned to face her and Tonya began to cry. Marcus woke up.

The doctor was looking at Marcus’ charts.  He noticed Marcus was waking and smile.

“Good morning, Mr. Austin.  How are you feeling?”

“Good, I guess.  Oh, my head hurts a little.”

“That’s to be expected.”  The doctor moved in to shine a light into Marcus’ eyes.

“Everything looks fine. If you promise to take it easy, I’ll tell the nurse to come in and change your bandage.  Then you can go home.  I do want to see you in my office on Monday. Okay.”

“Okay.  What time is it?”

“It’s about 9:30.”

“You take it easy.”  The doctor left.  Marcus found his cell phone on the night stand.  He dialed Tonya’s number.  Tonya wasn’t in and he was directed to her voicemail.

“Hello, it’s me. I guess you heard what happened. I’m okay. I’m leaving the hospital now. I thought you would like to know.”

Marcus hung up as the nurse came in to take his vitals one last time.  She talked to him about the care of his wound and what to do if any problems occurred.  She also handed him a prescription for the pain.  She asked if anyone was coming to pick him up. Marcus saw his car keys on the stand and answer that he would be driving himself.

When Marcus got outside, he found the day warm and bright.  The reality that he had been shot sunk in and he thanked God for allowing him to see another day.  Even though the brightness made his head hurt, Marcus felt blessed to be able to feel. And despite the pain, Marcus felt wonderful.  He looked around until he found his car, gladly walked to it, and happily drove himself home.  As he drove down familiar streets and through familiar neighborhoods, Marcus had the sensation that he hadn’t been there in a very long time.  He looked at houses, trees, and landmarks to see if they had changed since he last saw them.  They hadn’t.  Marcus began to see that it was him that had changed.  He hadn’t had a near death experience, but Marcus thought that he had had a life emergence experience.  The reality of life seemed clearer in a way that made everything connected.  There was now a purpose that Marcus understood; a purpose for everyday of his life.  Marcus believed he now understood for the first time in his life the purpose of love.  Reveling in the brightness of the day, Marcus thought how most people viewed the sun. They celebrated its rising and its setting.  Except for noting whether the day was sunny or not, most people gave the sun little thought unless it hid behind clouds. It seemed to Marcus that people, including him, often had the same attitude about love.  They celebrated love when it was new and noted it’s every detail when it began to wane.  But when love was at its highest and shown down brightly, most people live taking its light for granted.  Of course, they noticed when the occasional cloud rolled in. Love, Marcus, understood was to be appreciated each day; from it’s rising until its setting.  True love, like the sun, never truly sets. It simply moves on to shine somewhere else.  If you moved with it, it shone like perpetual day.  The purpose of love was, now according to Marcus, to shine so that people could see each other clearly and share the days that God had given them.  Marcus wasn’t afraid of the sun, its moment, or the nights when he couldn’t see it shine. He knew that it was shining somewhere.

Marcus stopped by the drug store to fill his prescription. The pharmacist said that it would only take a few minutes to fill and asked if he wanted to wait. He told her he would and wandered around the store to kill time.  He passed by the greeting cards and stopped to stare at one that pictured a man and woman embraced.  He wondered it they were a real couple or just models.  He thought to himself that either way, they were fortunate to have that opportunity. He thought to himself that he would never have the chance to hold Tonya like the male model was holding the female model.  Marcus laughed to himself when he thought of all the people in his lifetime he would meet and greet with a hug, yet he would never hug Tonya, not even in a setting where a friendly hug would be appropriate. He wondered what that was the case. He figured it was because he wanted to hug her too bad.  He then wondered why he wanted to hug her so bad.  After thinking about it for a few minutes, he concluded that it was because if he loved a woman as much as he loved Tonya, then in his arms was where she belonged.  He couldn’t imagine never holding someone he loved so much.  He couldn’t imagine never knowing her touch; never knowing her embrace.  He couldn’t believe that would be the reality he would have to live with.

Marcus strolled back to the pharmacy counter just as his prescription was completed.  He picked up a few snacks, paid for them and the drugs, and headed home.  When he got there, he saw his parents’ car in the driveway and knew his mother was inside being a mother.  He entered the house and the smell of cleanliness was coming from the kitchen. He also noticed that the living room was tidy.  Marcus laughed to himself and admitted to himself that his mother was something else.  He walked to the kitchen where he found his father sitting at the table and his mother deep into the refrigerator.

“You know, you can throw stuff away, Marcus, especially when the jar is empty. And why do you have a dishwasher?”

“Mom, there was, what, one dish and two glasses in the sink.”

“Yeah, but you had a glass in the living room, a glass and plate in your office. What were you eating in there?”

“Mom, can you ever just come here without cleaning or redecorating?”

“Boy, you know how your momma is when she gets an idea in her head. You got any Kool-Aid?”

“Nah, Dad.”

“Hi, son.  You know mommy loves you. How are you feeling?  You look good.”

“I’m doing good, mom. I’m glad to be home.”

“Well, don’t you try to do too much.”

“I won’t.  In fact, I’m going to take something and lay down for a while.”

“Okay.  Are you going to preach Sunday?”

“Of course, I’m going to preach Sunday.”

“Hey, I just asked.”

The phone rang. Marcus answered and it was a concerned church member calling to check on him.  Marcus gave assurance that he was doing well and that he would be at church Sunday.  As he chatted with his parents he received several similar calls.  He mother told him that he should take the phone off the hung when they left so he could get uninterrupted rest.  Just as she made her suggestion, the doorbell rang.  Soon the smell of cleanliness was replaced with the aroma of freshly baked cake and flowers.  A committee of four had come to see about Marcus and to receive a report that could take back.  Marcus’ mother sensed that they were staying longer than she or Marcus wanted them to.

“Well, Marcus, momma is about to go.  I know you want to rest and there is no need any of us stay here in your way. Why don’t you head upstairs and we’ll see your guest out as we leave.”

“Thanks mom” Marcus replied, relieved that he would soon be alone, He headed upstairs and listened as his mother herded herself and the others out the door.  Marcus was glad when he was alone.  He took a shower, changed his bandage, took his phone off the phone, and then laid down.  He began to dream that his cell phone was ringing, and then woke realizing it was actually ringing.  He hadn’t turned it off.

“Hello” He answered.

“Marcus, how are you?”  It was Tonya.

“Tonya, it’s good to hear your voice. I’m doing fine. How are you?”

“Fine now that I’ve heard your voice. I was so worried about you.”

“No need to worry. It’s a good thing I have a hard head I am told.”

“Well, I knew your head was big. I should have known it was hard, too.”

“If you’ve seen my dad you know that big hard heads run in my family.”  They both laughed.  It made Marcus’ head hurt, but he was glad to be laughing with Tonya.

“So, what do you think of my mother?”

“Oh, well, I see wit also runs in your family.  She seemed nice, under the circumstances.”

“Yeah.”  There was silence. “Well, I guess I should get some rest.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.  You need to take care of yourself.  And put away your six-shooter, Mr. Gunslinger.”

“Okay” Marcus laughed.  “You take care. We’ll talk soon.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Marcus and Tonya hung up. They both knew there was more that they needed to talk about, but they weren’t prepared to say those things yet.  Ending the call was Marcus’ way of postponing the inevitable.  He knew he couldn’t put it off forever, though he wanted to.  He just had to do it his way; say things he didn’t want to say in his own way. The painkillers he had taken convinced him to think about this later. Marcus drifted to sleep.

Marcus woke later in the day with his mind on Jason and Tony; and the unknown kid.  He made a few inquiring calls and from the information he received was able to put together a summary of what had happened in the last few days.  The unknown kid, whose named was Calvin White, had been picked up that afternoon and, after receiving medical attention, was arrested on weapons possession. As it turned out, his infamous gang was no more than he and another kid that extorted money from other kids.  The gang that Tony had been afraid of heard an embellished version of a story of how he beat down a man with a gun. They were impressed and approached him about joining them.  Tony respectfully declined and they left him alone.

Marcus went to the kitchen to find something to eat. In his refrigerator he found that his mother had left sandwiches and his father had left cherry Kool-Aid.  Marcus laughed out loud.  He grabbed a sandwich and poured a glass of the red drink.  He saw a basket of fruit he had not noticed earlier.  He wondered if it had been there the whole time or if his mother had been back while he slept.  He reached pass the cellophane wrapping and pulled off a few grapes.  He thought about washing them off, and then thought that the Kool-Aid would wash them off.  He went into the living room and turned on the television.

Marcus couldn’t find anything on television that either interested him or distracted him. He finally turned it off and finished his sandwich in silence.  In the silence, the video of the last few weeks began to play.  He thought of all that he and Tonya had shared.  He thought about the calls and the emails; the letters and the poems.  He thought back to the day he went looking for her and how she confirmed that he had found her.  He remembered how good it felt to tell her finally how he felt about her.  He reflected on how she laughed and the tone of her voice when he really touched her with his words.  He thought about the night that spent together.  When he thought of that, he remembered he had received the cell phone back without opening the box.  He rushed to his office and found the box.  He opened it and found a card with the phone.  He opened the card and it was the exact card he had looked at earlier at the drug store. Tonya had written her own words inside.

Dear Marcus,

What are you doing to me?  Last night was so wonderful. I didn’t know I could feel the things you make me feel. I didn’t realize I wanted to feel this way. You are so special to me and nothing can change that. I will always care for you. Thank you for a wonderful night.

Tonya

 

Marcus finished reading the card. He looked at the card and the phone.  Love was shining all around him and he was basking in it.  He wasn’t afraid of what he had to do. And what he had to do was becoming clearer.  How he was going to do it was also coming into focus.  Marcus slipped on clothing he could go out in and headed to the drug store.  He went directly to the greeting cards and picked up the card he had been looking at earlier.  He bought the card and drove back home.  He rushed to his office and began writing inside the card.  When he finished he placed in the envelope and turned on his computer.  He searched the web until he found what he was looking for. He checked his watch. He had plenty of time.  He even had time to get more sleep.  Marcus finished his business online and then made a phone call.  Everything was falling into place.  With everything arranged, Marcus had time to kill.  He took more of the painkillers and settled on his bed to sleep through the interim.  Marcus was excited and eager, but pretty soon he was asleep.