If you're getting this e-mail, it means you made the mistake of entering your e-mail address on a submission to the Mediocre Assembly of Mediocre Athletes website. If you don't want to receive mediocre e-mail periodically, just send a reply and I'll take you off the list. If you receive this message twice, its because I'm just figuring out this mediocre e-mail program. It won't happen again - honest!
Well, the Twins are fighting to stay out of the cellar, Kevin Garnett's agent has announced he will not play for the Woofies, the Gopher football team was crushed by HAWAII(!), and the Gopher hoopsters are trying to find any tall stiff who isn't either assaulting strippers or milking cows. In short, all is normal in Minnesota sports! Nevermind that brief shimmer of optimism we had this spring when our basketball teams were both reaching new heights and the Twins were talking of competing for a wild-card - the apocolypse has been averted yet again.
Since the MAMA website isn't usually too dynamic in nature (yet), I thought I'd just let you know of a few new things going on in MAMA-ville.
1) You can now vote for 1997's most mediocre Twin! You can get to the voting page from the main MAMA page or directly from : http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Loge/5970/97Twins.html
Voting ends September 31st. I'll announce the results and maybe even try to send an award to the lucky winner! Tell your friends!
2) This Spam list! Alright, its lame now, but visions of the Dilbert newsletter are dancing in my head. What I need from you are suggestions and humorous MAMA-related anecdotes. I'll compile them and when I've got enough worthy content I'll Spam y'all with a (hopefully) humorous note.
For now, I'll share the nomination comments I've received over the past month or so. Keep them coming - along with any other suggestions you have for improving the site. Thanks!
- Mark Salzwedel
President, MAMA
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(NAME) Canuck
(ballot) Amateur
(NOMINEE) Hosea Crittenden
(comments) what can you say about Hosea? He almost never played, was a 'mediocre' athelete but it sure was a lot of fun when he was in the game. He actually helped run the point his senior year when Harris and Jackson were having problems.
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(NAME) Canuck
(ballot) Professional
(NOMINEE) Jim Wacker
(comments) a few big wins in his day- Syracuse, Wisconsin, etc. but his teams flat out stunk. He recruited some good players and the offense was always good, but as for the 'd', he didn't really have a clue.
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(NAME) Canuck
(ballot) Amateur
(NOMINEE) Charles Thomas
(comments) this is the last of the 3 I will nominate. Charles was a deadly 3 point shooter, but never really did much in his 2 years at Minnesota. His sophomore scoring average was just 6.4 points per game. Here's the clincher- With a cha nce to be a key member of the 97-98 team, he amazed me by transfering to Eastern Kentucky University. He also recorded just 14 assists last year. In comparison, Miles Tarver managed 17.
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(NAME) Noam Shendar
(NOMINEE) Luc Longley
(comments)While playing for the Minnesota Timberwolves, perfected the forlorn look which he wore every time a ball was passed to him. At which time he would stand frozen, clutching the ball, and stare forlornly off into space.
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(NAME) Dave Christianson
(ballot) Amateur
(NOMINEE) Miles Tarver
(comments)poor shooting touch and ball handling skills only thing he appears to be affective at is committing fouls
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(NAME) Dan Voshell
(ballot) Professional
(NOMINEE) Stojko Vrankovic
(comments) Although Stojko only played one season in Minnesota, and didn't really play that much. He deserves to be recognized as a Minnesota mediocre athlete.
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(NAME) Kale Lowman
(ballot) Professional
(NOMINEE) Leo "fair catch" Lewis
(comments)If there was an opponent in sight, he was waving fair catch. He stayed with the Vikings for several years doing nothing much other that returning punts (or make that catching them with 1 arm in the air.)
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(NAME) Matt Blockey
(ballot) Professional
(NOMINEE) Terry LeCount
(comments) He was the third reciever behind Rashad and Sammy White. he made some critical catches in his time
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(NAME) Kevin Kinney
(ballot) Professional
(NOMINEE) Chuck Nelson
(comments) He was an average kicker with an average leg. Pretty accurate from close range but past 40 yards forget about it. He couldn't put a kick off in the endzone to save his soul.
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(NAME) Jake Gove
(ballot) Professional
(NOMINEE) Steve Lombardozi
(comments) "Lombo" was characterized by a low average, no power, and no steals, yet managed to stay on the Twins for several years. A MAMA award winner if I ever saw one!
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(NAME) Jim Allgren
(ballot) Professional
(NOMINEE) Bob Lurtsema
(comments)Forever remembered as "Benchwarmer Bob", Lurtsema had the unfortunate circumstance of being a reserve defensive lineman behind the great Purple People Eaters of the 1970's.
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(NAME) Heather Willard
(ballot) Professional
(NOMINEE) Dennis Green
(comments) How can you get any more mediocre than never making it past the first round of the playoffs...and his reputation for crappy drafts (we pass on Sapp & Naoele - ugh!)
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