The Blog's "Conventionality"

Why 'rules, manners, customs'? Well, it just helps make it a 'level playing field' for everyone to participate and get maximum enjoyment from their blogging experience! (Plus - it keeps Moofie Monster from invading the World - yet again!)


Standing Rules of Protocol and Order

Within Our Loopy Blog Inc.

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  • Regulation 1.1: "These Standing Rules of Protocol and Order within Our Loopy Blog Inc. shall be placed on public display on the wall within the room."

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  • Regulation 1.1a: "Theses rules shall not be placed behind the toilet door."

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  • Regulation 1.1b: "These stated-rules shall not be removed and used as toilet-paper at any time."

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  • Regulation 1.1c: "These stated rules shall not be used by Moofie Monster re. regulation 64.53g (re. spitballs)."

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  • Regulation 1.2: "No sounds of merriment shall pass your vocal chords whilst in the room."

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  • Regulation 1.3: "If you are incapable of restraining yourself within regulation 1.2, we'll send 'Da Boys' around."

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  • Regulation 1.3a: "Since 'Da Boys' are Moofie Monster and Twasi - there's nothing to worry about!"

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  • Regulation 2.19c: "Typ[os are 2 b enkouraged."

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  • Regulation 3.1: "If you remove a drink from the bar or cafe, no payment or replacement is necessary. A limb shall be removed upon your exit"

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  • Regulation 3.1a: "The bar and cafe magically replenish themselves automatically at all times."

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  • Regulation 3.1c(i): "Please do not use Moofie Monster to wipe your glasses or cups clean."

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  • Regulation 3.1c(iv): "Please use the spitoon provided, and not the back of Moofie Monster's head."

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  • Regulation 3.6f(xiv): "Chatters are welcome to bring their own munchies/nibblies/snacks to share with everyone in the room. Please leave them in the jar at the left-end of the bar - not in the spitoon."

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  • Regulation 4: "If you feel so-led, a small donation towards the maintenance and replenishment of room supplies can be left in a Hosts' left hip-pocket."

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  • Regulation 4.1: "Pertaining to Regulation 4, this contribution is purely voluntary on the chatters' behalf."

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  • Regulation 4.1a: "We know where you live, anyway..."

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  • Regulation 4.1a(i): "We do, you know!"

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  • Regulation 4.1a(ii): "Don't look at me with that tone of voice!"

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  • Regulation 4.1a(iii): "We will send 'Da Boys' around! (cf. Regulation 1.3a.)"

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  • Regulation 7.4f(xvi): "Do not leave your cigarette butts in the toilet...it makes them soggy and hard to light." (Alright, I know...an oldie but a goldie...lol)

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  • Regulation 10.2: "The jukebox is free to use, and may be played at any time."

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  • Regulation 10.2a: "Members are free to play their own CD's in the jukebox."

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  • Regulation 10.2a(i): "Pertaining to regulation 10.2.1, CD's by the following artists will never be tolerated in the room: Sherbet; Garry Glitter; Leif Garrat, Wagner..."

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  • Regulation 10.3: "Singing along to the jukebox is to be tolerated."

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  • Regulation 10.3a: "Earplugs can be found in a box atop the fridge for those intolerant of others singing-along to the jukebox."

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  • Regulation 10.3a(i): "The box of earplugs must be kept away from Moofie Monster, as we do not know where he might put them."

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  • Regulation 10.4f: "The jukebox shall not be used as a dartboard."

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  • Regulation 10.4f(i): "Moofie Monster shall not be used as a dartboard."

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  • Regulation 10.4f(ii): "Oh, all right, if things get really slow, you CAN use Moofie Monster as a dartboard."

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  • Regulation 12.6d: "Do not replace Moofie Monster's sugar in his tea with Ajax powder, if you can help it."

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  • Regulation 12.8e: "No, Malster does not use Solvol to wash his hair, so do not bother asking him anymore about this."

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  • Regulation 12.8h: "Do not keep trying to count Malster's fingers and toes, as their sum total may shock and surprise you."

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  • Regulation 24.7f(xxiv): "Do not parp raspberries at your hosts - it makes them nervous, and they might spill their drink."

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  • Regulation 36.2f: "Twasi shall be the solitary cleaner-upper-of-room-mess, the kitchen and toilet after any party/get-together within the room (and its surrounding environments)."

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  • Regulation 36.3b: "Any porn bot - once identified within the room - shall be directed in Twasi's direction."

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  • Regulation 42.6: "Any sudden swinging of a sword, mace, or any other form of medieval weaponry shall be tolerated in small doses."

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  • Regulation 42.6a: "Don't forget to duck."

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  • Regulation 42.6b: "Quack."

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  • Regulation 42.6b(i): "Beware the Mallard!"

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  • Regulation 42.6b(ii): "Beware of the Leopard."

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  • Regulation 42.6b(iii): "We have absolutely no idea what the heck is going on here!"

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  • Regulation 42.6b(iv): "It's quite possible these Regulations have been taken over by some International Legislative-destroying terrorists."

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  • Regulation 42.6b(v): "Quite possible, but highly improbable, according to latest statistical theory."

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  • Regulation 42.6b(vi): "Anyway, no matter what happens - have a nice day!"

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  • Regulation 53.8: "Before you put the cat out, make sure you have firstly discovered the cause of the fire."

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  • Regulation 63.7b: "Moofie Monster shallst never be given a Hammer."

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  • Regulation 63.7c: "IF Moofie Monster is given a Golden Hammer - BEWARE!!!
    • 'And now at last it comes. You will give me the Gold Hammer freely! In place of the Moofie Monster you will set up a Queen! And I shall not be dark nor Linty, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!' "
  • Regulation 63.7c(i): "Oops...sorry 'bout that...that's Galadriel speaking, not Moofie Monster...d'oh!"

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  • Regulation 63.7e: "Moofie Monster shall be vehemently blamed for all sudden, mysterious and unexplained disappearances in the Bermuda Triangle - that, and being moofied."

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  • Regulation 63.7e(i): "Moofie Monster shall be immediately blamed for any odours of unknown origin within the room."

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  • Regulation 64.1e: "Advertising URL's shall not be posted over the stained-glass window."

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  • Regulation 64.1f(i): "Raven's black bean-bag shalst not be moved without her permission."

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  • Regulation 64.3j: "The north-western wall, painted as a blackboard, shall be used as a graffiti-wall by blog friends only."

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  • Regulation 64.3k: "Malster shall erase all of Moofie Monster's profanity from the graffiti-wall immediately."

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  • Regulation 64.3k(i): "Please do not shove the sticks of chalk up Moofie Monster's nose - it makes them soggy and ineffective to write with."

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  • Regulation 64.42a: "Moofie Monster's collected of Lint is sacred to him, and must not be handled at any time."

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  • Regulation 64.42b: "Woe on those who handle Moofie Monster's sacred Lint collection, for they will never be fully able to use their hands properly again."

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  • Regulation 64.42b(i): "Free bourbon is available at the bar at all times for those unwise-enough to not heed Regulations' 64.42a and b."

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  • Regulation 64.42f: "Moofie's Tome, the 'Book of the Wisdom of Lint', shall remain untouched upon its' pedestal in the corner."

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  • Regulation 64.49a: "Mal's Tome, 'The Holy Writings of the Scared Mushrooms of the Great Prophet Zaphod', if discovered within the boundaries of the room, shall be burnt immediately."

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  • Regulation 64.49a(i): "Just keep Malster away from the mushrooms, OK?!?"

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  • Regulation 64.53f: "The mirrors on the ceiling, along with the disco-mirrorball, have been donated anonymously, and shall not be removed by force unless agreed with mutual consent - or with a crowbar."

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  • Regulation 64.53g: "Moofie's nasty habit of leaving spitballs all over the mirrored ceiling shall not be tolerated."

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  • Regulation 64.53h: "Never give Moofie Monster a plastic straw."

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  • Regulation 65.9c: "Malster shalst be told to 'Shut Up' by Sedate only, as many times as possible, during one chat session."

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  • Regulation 67.6c: "Sedate's vertically challenged position is to be honoured, respected and tolerated at all times."

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  • Regulation 68.2b: "Would you care to join us?"

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  • Regulation 68.2b(i): "Why - are you coming apart?"

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  • Regulation 68.2b(ii): "Play your tootie flugee one more time, Max Geldray!" (pron. 'flew-gee')

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  • Regulation 74.32g(vi): "Malster shall not hog the blog - if possible."

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  • Regulation 116.23: "Malster's hat is sacred to him - please refrain from wiping your nose with it within the room."

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  • Regulation 116.24: "Malster's hat must not be sat on."

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  • Regulation 116.25: "Malster's missing hat is still missing somewhere in here."

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  • Regulation 116.25a: "Malster's hat should be returned immediately!"

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  • Regulation 117.5f: "Any 'trouser cough' or 'skirt sneeze' shall be immediately attributed to Moofie Monster."

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  • Regulation 118.1c: "Partial nudity is acceptable within this blog. However, total nudity is not wholly permitted."

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  • Regulation 118.2e: "Malster shall not attend the room in total undress - this is not a nudist room!"

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  • Regulation 118.2e(i): "Malster shall not blame Moofie Monster for stealing/hiding/selling/eating all his clothes."

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  • Regulation 118.2f: "Malster shall not inform the room he is wearing nothing but fishnet stockings and his hat-with-sleeves at inappropriate moments."

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  • Regulation 118.2g: "Malster shall not tell big fibs to room visitors by saying the room becomes a nudist room after 1am."

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  • Regulation 118.7: "Moofie Monster shall not hang the painting of a nude reclining Malster on the wall behind the Bar when Malster is hosting."

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  • Regulation 118.12d: "Malster's current state of sobriety or intoxication should not be a prolonged point of conversation within the room."

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  • Regulation 118.12d(i): "The definition of 'prolonged' under regulation 118.12d shalst mean '12 seconds'. "

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  • Regulation 118.12d(ii): "Yes, that's 12 seconds in Earth time, Moofie, you stinking little cretin!"

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  • Regulation 118.12d(iii): "Malster's current state of sobriety or intoxication shall probably remain one of the great unknowns within the room."

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  • Regulation 118.12e: "Malster is an idiot - that's a given..."

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  • Regulation 118.12e(i): "Do not wipe the drool from under Malster's chin, as this may cause him some embarrassment."

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  • Regulation 118.12e(ii): "Do not - in any circumstances - release the buckles across Malster's special white padded suit whilst he is entwined within it."

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  • Regulation 118.13: "Any hot chips stuffed up Malster's nose whilst he is wearing his special white jacket shall be forfeited by the stuffer."

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  • Regulation 118.13a: "Regulation 118.13 is not an inclusion allowing you to tell Malster to 'Get Stuffed!' "

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  • Regulation 118.21: "Moofie's sudden mysterious disappearance can only be explained by checking if Mal's old sox-suitcase in the bottom of his wardrobe is still there, or sitting on the bottom of the sea encased in concrete."

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  • Regulation 118.21a: "The observation of Malster's current clothing being sopping wet with sea water shall not be given as evidence reguarding regulation 118.21."

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  • Regulation 118.21b: "Contributions to the 'Moofie Monster Concrete Appeal' can be left in the small rusty tin behind the toilet bowl next door."

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  • Regulation 118.24c: "Do not replace Moofie Monster's sugar in his tea with concrete powder, if at all possible."

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  • Regulations 226 through to 641 have to do with the correct administration of Malster's psychotic medication.

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  • Regulation 671.3f(xvii): "Do not clean your computer's motherboard with Cola."

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  • Regulation 671.3f(xviii): "Do not clean your computer's monitor screen with black spray paint."

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  • Regulation 671.3f(xix): "Do not clean your computer keyboard with salsa dip."

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  • Regulation 671.3f(xx): "Do not use your CPU or monitor as an implement for testing the sharpness of your axes."

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  • Regulation 671.3f(xxi): "Do not gargle garlic-juice whilst chatting - it might unsettle your fellow roommates."

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  • Regulation 682: "The role of flummery tonight shall be played by Sir John Geilguid, dressed as a 300lb naked gorilla named Ivan."

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  • Regulation 682.1: "Amen."

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  • Regulation 741: "Do not intentionally hug Moofie Monster, if you ever want to see the skin on your arms again."

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  • Regulation 741.1: "All diseases that are currently incurable throughout the world shall be attributed as being caused by Moofie Monster in the first instance."

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  • Regulation 741.1a: "If Moofie Monster comes into the room in his hygienically germ-free 'plastic bubble', please do not throw darts at it."

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  • Regulation 741.1a(i): "Please?"

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  • Regulation 741.1a(ii): "Oh...what they hey...go for it!"

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  • Regulation 874.1: "The Host reserves the right to fart when, how often, and how offensively they choose to do so."

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  • Regulation 874.2: "Anyone disputing Regulation 874.1 shalst have a Lint ball placed up their nose."

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  • Regulation 978.1: "These regulations can, in no possible way, be enforced at any time, thus rendering them wholly and absolutely powerless."

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  • Regulation 978.1a: "Anyone taking any single one of these regulations seriously is in serious breach of the 1964 Estonian Loopy Act, and may have their sense of humour forcibly removed surgically."

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  • Regulation 978.1a(i): "Beware - Twasi knows how to carve a pumpkin!"

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    say cheesesmile for the nice people, dearthese pretzils are making me thirstysay bye bye

    Loopy Diconary link:  http://au.geocities.com/maljam2002/diconary.html


    This nonsense was last updated on 7th July 2004 by Malster-Whitey, his hamster (& Moofie Monster)
    Moofie Monster  [email protected]
    The Last-remaining Royal King of the Ancient Dynastic-Realm of Aftsphonosthan - [email protected]
    Miss Piggy's Theater Co. - Hamlet@porky_luvs_kermy.co.uk
    Nikki Webster, Brittany Spears, Holly Valance & Kelly Osbourne Fan Clubs' ~ sorry, these sites are closed forever...thank gawd!

    - and some semblance of normality!
    Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

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