In the silence of my Existence...

I held on to my withering
Leaves
Afraid to bare my branches
Seasons came and
Seasons left
And I was still searching
For the courage to face
Your purifying winters
I held on to my withering
Branches
Hoping my roots would
Keep me upright
Forgetting the ground
Was nothing
More than
mud and soil
No more than
Dirty clay
I held on against
Your winds
I held on tight
Afraid courage
Might just be on the
Way.






I guzzled all the oasis
And emerged thirstier
Than ever before
I chased all the mirages
Trudging sand dunes
Only to be met
With quicker
Sands
I struggled against the
Howling of the
Winds
Begging to deliver
Me to your
Shores
I struggled thirstier
Than ever before
Until I jadedly realized
There were no horizons
In the deserts of my
Soul.
I looked for you in reflections
Of myself
Mesmerized by smoky mirrors
I searched for my essence
Clinging to fragments
Of your forgotten whole
I searched for me
Forgetting how intricately
I am
Woven
Into
Your very Soul
I searched for substance
In shadows
I searched for meaning
In illusions
I searched clinging
To fractions
That had me dazzled
In confusion
I searched with forgotten
Meaning
Until meaning became
No more.

I reached a cross road
But many
Had I reached before
Always beginning with
A Reaffirmed
Conviction
It is You I am to
Simply adore
Instead of firming
My desire to
Soar,
Instead of learning the
Art of applying
All that I certainly
Know,
I ended up drifting
Into some aimless detour


Against all my resistance
Your winds of Mercy
Have flung me
Back to your surging
Shores
Against all my jarring contradictions
I have been gathered
My essence dying and sore

I am standing bare
My withered leaves
No more,
I am standing thirsty,
Mirages dissipated in
Your awe,
I am standing tattered,
My self I can not fragment
Anymore�
Stirringly
I hear the gentlest
Of whispers

�Hush child, speak no more�.

-Maliha Balala
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