Heel of the Week Archives 2003

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Every week, our editors will come up with a new Heel of the Week. This represents someone or something that has majorly ticked us off. If you have any good and funny ideas for a future Heel of the Week, mail it to us at [email protected]. Write 'Heel of the Week' in the subject line.

2003 is over. What bothered me the most this past year? There is only one thing that can topple JLo in 2003 and that is...

The Matrix sequels. After putting out something really fresh in 1999, everyone was highly anticipating the Wachowskis follow-up to the original Matrix. But what we got was a double dose of bitter disappointment. While The Matrix Reloaded had some barely redeeming action sequences to salvage an otherwise awful film, The Matrix Revolutions had no saving grace at all. These sequels departed from everything that made the original fun. Is there anybody out there that actually cares about any of the characters, let alone the renegade humans? And the ending? That's how is ended? Look for a new book in 2004 by the Wachowskis titled "How to Ruin a Franchise", with a foreword from George Lucas.

Heel	Date (DD/MM/YYYY)	Reason
Staying long hours at school	26/11/2003	8am to 8pm is so not cool.
"David Goldstein"	19/11/2003	That guy from those "don't download movies" ads? He's an actor! Fake sincerity is not cool.
The commercials for 24	12/11/2003	They give way too much away.
Rod Roddy dying	28/10/2003	Sad day for all.
Pop-up windows	15/10/2003	Do they seriously think people are going to buy whatever the hell they're selling by annoying us?
California voters	08/10/2003	How could they elect someone with no experience or interest in making the state a better place? Oh, I know. Because they're stupid.
Celine Dion	30/09/2003	Have you seen her hair? Did she see a ghost? She looks like a blond Kramer.
Unfunny Strong Bad emails	24/09/2003	I hate it when you wait a whole week for a crappy SB email. You can tell they're trying so hard to be funny sometimes, that it hurts.
Expos manager Frank Robinson	18/09/2003	He took out Vladi in the last home game of the season. What a rip.
Vending Machines that eat money	03/09/2003	A vending machine has one purpose...and it fails more often than not.
Roger Ebert	27/08/2003	He insists on saying "Laura Croft". Dude, do you SEE a 'u'?
Grasshoppers	13/08/2003	Like a biblical plague, they're everywhere in Saskatchewan. What do they think they are, crickets?
Crickets	30/07/2003	What are they, wanna-be grasshoppers? C'mon!
Kobe Bryant	23/07/2003	I've seen his wife. She's not bad at all...so why would he adulter with some cleaning lady?
The Wachowskis	09/07/2003	Have you seen the Animatrix? What a shameless money-grab! More than half of it is crap-for-crap! Bew...
Nintendo GameCube Memory Cards	02/07/2003	Why do I keep losing my saves? I hate you, memory cards!
Summer TV	18/06/2003	There's nothing to watch!
Harry Potter hype	12/06/2003	Every time around, the hype machine can be counted on to tick me off.
Fullscreen dvds	04/06/2003	When will people understand that widescreen is where it's at?
Clark Kent on Smallville	29/05/2003	He's such a crybaby-wuss pansy.
The Lakers	20/05/2003	For crying like pansies after their elimination. What a bunch of pansies.
Dial-up internet	14/05/2003	Downloading is such a chore! Help me, please! Plus, the phone line is always busy.
Geocities	08/05/2003	Their web hosting was down much of this week, leaving me with many un-posted articles.
Studying against the clock	23/04/2003	One day to study for a crazy exam? Argh!
Detroit	16/04/2003	Hockey Town my eye! It's about time those jerks had it coming!
Canker sores	09/04/2003	I got one on my effing uvula! It hurts like hell everytime I swallow.
Nighttime exams	02/04/2003	They get in the way of my TV watching.
The C programming language	26/03/2003	Conceived, written and employed by the devil himself.
George W. Bush	19/03/2003	Yeah yeah, fine fine, war is bad and all that, but he interrupted The Practice, dammit! It looked like a good one, too!
The NHL trade deadline	12/03/2003	It's way too close to the end of the season, making it a joke. It's ridiculous how certain teams load up on players with 10 games left in the season.
Bruce Springsteen	05/03/2003	"Oh, he's so brave for putting out his album after 9/11." What a load of crap! I'm sick of this aging rocker. He's so overexposed and I can't stand him.
Going in to school during spring break	26/02/2003	Work work work. The fun never stops!
George Lucas	19/02/2003	He refuses to release the original versions of the Star Wars movies on DVD, preferring only the garrish Special Editions. I want my original versions, dammit.
Wet shoes	12/02/2003	Ever step in a puddle in the morning and have to live with a wet shoe for the rest of the day? Then you hear that gross squish-squish sound all day? I don't wish that on anybody.
"Kim Bauer" on 24	06/02/2003	Her storyline this season is so ridiculous, it actually makes me laugh out loud. Oooohhh! She's being chased by a mountain lion. How terrifying!
itoop.com	29/01/2003	The Thai On-line Music Library? Who tha? Who are these people and why does google.com list them ahead of us? Screw 'em!
The Philadelphia Flyers' third jersey	22/01/2003	Have you seen this thing? It's puke-orange. Nasty stuff, really.
Barbers who talk way too much	15/01/2003	You sit there and pray that they don't cut your ear off in their excitment to talk to you. It becomes an adventure. Forget about getting a nice haircut! Your thoughts are of getting out of there as quickly and as safely as possible.
Christina Aguilera	08/11/2003	She has quickly become disgustingly vile. Who's managing her career? Larry Flint? I don't understand. What demographic is her record label going for? Garry Glitter? Her new skanktimonious image is a desperate attempt at shocking her career back to life.

Heels of the week for 2002.

Heels of the week for 2001.

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