God of War blows. Now it may sound like I'm contradicting myself because I just said two articles ago that the game owns Well, you're wrong. Let me give you some history on that article:
I was writing it and I was running out of games so I looked at games I got for Christmas. I saw GoW at the top of hte pile, popped it into my PS2, played the first two levels, which were two of the greatest video game levels ever, and assumed the rest of the game would kick that much ass.
I WAS DEAD WRONG.
After you kill the Hydra, it's onto monsters that, even in hard mode, can be killed by one combo. It blows. I'm going to assume that, for the first two levels, they hired the genuises who created Devil May Cry and gave them an enormous budget, then realized they were too expensive, fired them, and hired a pile of horse shit to finish the game. The difference between the second level of the game and the third level of the game is like going from oral with Lily Allen to getting molested by an old lady with a very tight pencil sharpener.
Then just when you think the game is totally damned, they reveal that Kratos is more of a badass than you thought. He slaughtered a bunch of priests, children (including his daughter), and his wife for the hell of it. He kind of loses some badass points for not stabbing this old lady who was lecturing him for killing all those people. Still, after that, my hope that the game would be awesome was revived.
They were just messing with me. They make you think it's gonna get good just so they can throw the biggest pile of shit at you: In the second-to-last battle of the game, he goes back in time and saves his family from himself. I saw that and screamed "WHAT A PUSSY!". First of all, real men stick to their decisions. He probably had a damn good reason to kill his wife (such as her being ugly) and a better reason to kill his daughter (such as her being a child). Secondly, what kind of asshole actually likes their family?
Then you go onto the final boss battle. It has this pretty cool idea where they share a health bar. I liked the idea when I first saw it... in Sonic... in 1991. They totally butchered that idea in Sonic where you have a set number of rings and each hit cause you to lose them, while each hit on your opponent cause you to gain them. I figured at least the mini-game might kick ass. I was wrong. It was one of those shitty button-mashing games, and, worse than that, froze my game when I won it. That meant owning the pussy without the minigame which was incredibly easy because they added a fucking block button to the game that blocks everything except one lame as hell short-range attack that he barely uses.
Still, I must admit, the final scene was pretty cool, or, well, the first minute is.
Oh, and if you were wondering, there are three bosses in the game and Hydra's the only one that's actually fun.
CONCLUSION:
This game sucks so much that playing it has made me a less fun person.
Back to Home