Plagiarist Killing is my favorite sport. To do it, you grab a homemade shotgun and hunt someone who plagiarised a book. I believe Darren Shan would be an amazing Plagiarist Hunter (not that I have any proof) and I believe he is one of the few with an oppurtunity to kill the Plagiarist Hunter's greatest prey: Christopher Paolini. As I was thinking about this, some moron asked me what I was thinking about. I told him my favorite sport. This led to a discussion about sports and, to my horror, I realized there were sports that were not Plagiarist Hunting and many of them were popular. As such, I've created a guide to tell you which sport are worth playing and which ones suck.
Soccer: I must admit, I have a great deal of respect for soccer. Of all contact sports, soccer requires you to wear the least padding. Also, I approve of any sport where you can slide across the ground and take out someone's knees as they're about to achieve they're goal. However, soccer, like many sports, suffers from something that many, many sports suffer from: lack of throwing stars. This way, when offense gets a fast break (because off-sides should also be eliminated) you can just hamstring them with a throwing star!
Track/Cross Country: Cross Country and a good deal of Tracks sucks. They're glorified running in a circle. However, they are not completely irredeemable. First of all, replace the tracks. Tracks are for pansies. Instead, use a wet trampoline (lack of trampolines is another thing many sports suffer from). And no more separate events. All track events have hurdles and everyone is given a polevault, a javelin, a discus, and a shotput. Oh, and the hurdles are at high jump height and they're flaming. On the bright side, you have the option to polevault over it. Instead of regular javelin/discus/shotput, you just get to throw the objects at the runner in front of you, in an attempt to mess them up, but only while hurdling.
Diving: Anyone can walk off a board. Throw this in with ideas for track obstacles. However, I do support the idea of holding the next Olympic Diving in a 0-Gravity enviroment.
Chess: Will not be considered a sport until players are given high-voltage shocks when they lose a piece.
Baseball: Is not a sport and utterly irredeemable.
Basketball: Add trampolines and throwing stars. and get rid of those sissy "No contact" rules and you have a sport!
Golf: Should be played on motorcycles with flaming golfballs, with no "taking turns" bull shit and legalized jousting. I'm sold!
Fencing: Stabbing people with swords is a great idea! Unfortunately, it's too limited. Let's get rid of the division thing. Sports are about bringing people together in common hatred for the Red Sox, not about dividing people. So, epee, saber, foil, katana, kris, cutlass, dao, claymore and any other type of sword you can name are legal and may be used against eachother. Oh, and how about re-wiring those electric systems so that anyone who gets hit recieves a small shock. Main Gauche and dual swords is now totally legal and terms such as pistol grip and barrel mean you can use heavier arms than the founders of modern fencing intended.
Bowling: Let's add somethings like sand traps and spikes and instead of balls they use heavy disci.
Gymnastics: These guys are talented and all, but how about we make them use their abilities to escape a labyrinth that would make Indiana Jones wet his pants?
Wrestling: All pro-wrestlers should be unemployed. Real wrestling may continue, but they wear normal clothing and joint locks are legal.
Hunting: Until everyone hunts bears with four inch pocket knives and crossbows, I have no respect for hunters.
World Of Warcraft: Until this game has a .Hack style lose-the-game-lose-your-life rule, anyone who calls this a sport should be promptly put to death via iron maiden.
Halo: See World of Warcraft.
Wheelchair Basketball: Is superior to regular basketball. I don't see why people limit this sport to disabled people. Professional Wheelchair Basketball could really take off. This idea pwns so much I think I'm going to start a league.
Fishing: Sounds more like Tricking and Killing to me. All forms of fishing besides javelin fishing should be banned from tv. And if you make a fishing video game, we're kidnapping your children.
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