Movies have. for the most part, blown lately. So, I'll be instructing you in making good movies in the hopes that you will be a director some day.
First we will discuss romance movies. They must contain many well-developed characters. The relationships must be given time to develop. It must not be aimed at teenage girls and involve Lindsay Lohan and/or Hilary Duff in any way shape or form. Unless the movie stars Natalie Portman and Amy Lee who are playing two lesbians and it is rated NC-17 for graphic nudity. Then I doubt a good 50% of the population will complain if you skip straight to sex scenes. In fact, I bet some would disapprove if you did NOT skip to that.
Since I doubt anyone planning to make a romance movie would bother changing the perfect formula I wrote out above, we will move onto action movies. The main character must be bad-ass. It's a law. However, we've more or less maxed out our universe's capacity for bad-assery. Thus you must use another character. The following list contains the names of the group that holds over 50% of our universe's bad-assery.
Lobo: This guy is king of the bad-ass. He created a virus to wipe out the rest of his race for fun. He also has the power to pound that sissy Superman into the ground using only a booger and a drop of his blood. Oh and he flies around the universe on a motorcycle killing people for things like being within the range of his sight. The exact extent of his bad-assery is unknown, but he mercilessly killed Santa and he has been barred from Heaven and Hell because God considers him irredeemable because he's killed more than God thought possible and Satan's just afraid of what'll happen if he tries to fuck with Lobo.
Deadpool: He's a lot like Lobo, but with a few differences. His preferred method of transportation is teleportation. Secondly, although he is not as athletic as Lobo, he also has the abilities of Batman on top of his super-human athleticism. He also tried to convince Professor X to create a porn site featuring the X-Women, beat up a toy maker for "bringing smiles and joy to the faces of small children", and saved the world because he believe the villain intended to destroy Taco Bell and porn.
Dante: He's a lot Deadpool, only a tiny bit stronger and more open about liking porn (if that's possible). He let a sentient sword stab him in the chest only to tear it out of his body (by pulling it upward and out throught his head) and use it to kill some of his enemies. He also killed a Succubus, stole her soul, and trapped it inside a guitar.
Artemis Entreri: The only person with enough bad-assery to be comparable to Lobo. He took over an entire city, with help from one other person (who didn't actually do that much) in one night. He killed a majority of the current ruler's guards, on his own, using a knife and not evern attempting to defend himself. He acutally let them hit him to make them think they had a chance. He then proceeded to begin the conquest of several other cities. Later on, he almost took over an entire continent in one day and would have if his partner hadn't bailed at the last second.
V: He took out an entire totalitarian government in one year all by himself. Sure, Evey was there, but all she really did press the detonator at the end, which V could have done by himself if Evey weren't there. When he finally dies, he's surrounded by men with machine guns who order ihm to surrender, because he just has knives and they have guns. He repliers that they don't have guns, but they have bullets and the hope that their first round will kill him or else they will be dead before they reload. So all 2 dozen or so of the guys empty their guns on him. He pretends to be dead for a second then draws out a few knives, throws them at his various opponents (one kill per knife, of course) and finishes by strangling the last man. Then he goes and apparently dies while driving a train full of explosives into Parliament, after being shot over 200 times and smacked around a bit. And I heard about a deleted scene where we see him crawling out of the rubble of Parliament, looking slightly battered.
Ash Williams: Go watch Army of Darkness. If you still don't know why he's so bad-ass, I question how you are intelligent enough to breathe. The man cut off his own hand and replaced it with a friggin' chainsaw!
For actors, consider Jared Leto, Stephen Colbert, Hugo Weaving, Bruce Campbell, Ben Stiller, and John Petrucci.
Finally, we have comedy. First of all, parodies blow so don't make one. Secondly, the movie must have Weird Al Yankovic. Weird Al is the funniest person the world has ever spawned. His conception is the epitome of human achievement and I love him more that my mother and friends. Until we can find a way to give everyone the pieces of his DNA that allow him to almost equal the Flying Spaghetti Monster, he should play a role in every comedy. No, he should be the star of ever comedy. Hell, he should just play every role in every comedy. It would be the best movie ever! It would be like Norbit on a much larger scale and less of a steaming pile of shit. I'm still wokring on a title, but I'll think of something....
All of the music in these movies should be written, sung, and played by Dragonforce, Avenue Q, and Stephen Lynch.