As you can tell from the title, today I will be giving you pointers on how to pick up girls. If you want to be popular with the girls you must follower every piece of advice in this post exactly as I write it. Change it in the least, and the demo- er I mean girls will betray you and you will lose them forever. Now for the actual advice:
Selecting Your Target :Selecting your target is the most important part of the game. Here are a few reccomendations:
- Choose a girl with low self-esteem. They'll fall for you the easiest
- In order to get her to have low self-esteem get a good looking friend to go out with a girl who's good looking, but not too good looking. Slightly overweight, some acne, whatever. Then have him dump her because she's ugly. If your friends won't do this for you, they're not your real friends and you should killp them.
- Drunk girls are easy too. Just don't tell her your "Secret Family Recipe" for her favorite drink includes deadly amounts of alocohol.
- Drugged girls are even easier. Just slip some GHB tablets into her drink and you got her!
- Give her compliments. Compliments are your friend, especially since she has low self-esteem. Using the example above, "The fact that you're twenty pounds over weight is easily missed when you have such nice eyes" and "People like me don't even notice those insane amount of acne when it's right above your boobs."
Getting the Girl: The most fool proof way to get a girl is with a pick up line. Make said line as "hip" and "cool as possible. I'll give you guys a few sample pick up lines..
"The word of the day is legs. Let's go to your house and spread the word."
"You needsomething to shut that big mouth of yours..."
"McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized!"
"Your mom told me that I give great massages. Wanna see if she's right?"
"You, me, now."
"Screw me if I'm wrong, but is your name Bozanawitzel?"
"Wanna come back to my place. My mother doesn't come home until 7:00."
"I'm a man! You're a woman (I hope)! You do the math!"
"You must be an army general because you sure can make privates raise to attention."
"Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, except down under..."
The First Date: Your first date is, of course, the most important day of your life. Don't be nervous. But if you mess up you'll be alone for life.
- Communication is NOT necessary after the your first three words (your first three words should be "I brought condoms", if you were wondering). Have you EVER heard of a girl who likes to talk?
- If you REALLY want to talk, some good ideas are religion, politics, virginity, abortions, gay marriage, questioning your sexuality etc.
- The above are especially good if you are or are similar to George W. Bush and she is or is similar to Hillary Clinton. She'll see you as a personal savior if you show her that atheists and all their proof, science, and facts is a load of bull and God is real and in all of us and she will forever suffer in eternal hellfire if she does not change her unhodly ways..
- Always make aim for sex on the first date. It shows you're not gay.
- Appearances are everything. Dress nice (if at all)and you can do whatever you want to her.
- Pretend her eyes are below her face. They think that's hot.
Keeping Her: Once you do the first date, you probably have her. None the less, you can still take a few steps to ensure she'll never leave you.
- Buy gifts. That's what love is really about, after all. A good gift would be a plush "Gollum" doll from Lord of the Rings for her to sleep with if you're not living together. Imagine how happy she'll be when she rolls on top of it in the middle of the night, thus activating a recoridng of Gollum saying "My precioussss...."
- If you see her with another guy, she IS cheating. Regardless of who it is and what they are doing.
- Remember attacking that person is not a crime if you think they're cheating.
- On the other hand, if you she catches you making out with another girl, she'll just take it as a challenge and become more dedicated to you.
- Insulting her will have the same results.
- Dating someone does not mean you should cancel your subscription to Playboy.
- Stay close to her at all times, to make sure your love continues to grow.
- Be sure to show your willingness to take charge by beating her when she disagrees with you.
Conclusion:Follow these steps and you will have a long, happy, healthy relationship with the girl of... okay, maybe not the girls of your dreams, but at least you got someone who was a born a girl this time, right?
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