When the world most desperately need a hero to defend it from the giant snake monster known as Hannah Montana, nobody stepped forward. Sure, Daniel O'Brien. Michael Swaim. and I have taken steps to battle the beast. But nobody has ever done what was truly needed and killed the bitch on the spot. I mean we've tried, but shooting her in the head just cause her to writhe for a few seconds, stay still until you're sure she's dead, only for her to spring back to life, bite your neck and suck you dry (and, no, not in the good way... actually both ways are bad with this bitch). Because of this immunity to conventional assassination methods, no one has devised a plot to defeat the beast.
Until now!
One brave young man discovered something the beast is not immune to: getting hit by an airplane. That's right, this brave young man stepped forward to save us all from the beast, only to be captured, mistreated and persecuted (yes, persecuted, not prosecuted) by her fucking fans and some bastard airplane security guard. Let me be the first to say it:
This was the man who could save us all from it and you stop him cold. How much of a heartless bastard do you have to be to stop an act as heroic as blowing up hundreds of the followers of evil incarnate and evil incarnate herself just because there may have been innocent people on the plane (possibly not, the bitch has a long arm).
What the fuck is the world coming to when we're not allowed to solve problems like this the way men traditionally do (Blowing shit up)?
This is just more evidence that Hannah Montana is vaginafying the world. It wasn't enough that she took away the Superbowl and Rambo! That just wasn't enough for you, was it, you greedy bitch? Oh, no, now she's taking away flying, blowing stuff up and killing teenage pop singers. What's next? Mandatory Castration by Order of Her Evilness, the Heartless Bitch, Hannah Montana? She's taking over the world, folks. Guys, it's time for us to fight back. Assert your inherit authority over your family by banning Hannah Montana, people named Hannah, people from Montana, and things made by people named Hannah from your house. I was gonna also say stuff made in Montana, but then I remembered nothing gets made in Montana because Montana blows (probably why she chose it). Also, gang murder any man who says something nice about her.
Fuck it! I can't even stand to write about her anymore!
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