Randy stood by himself watching his coworkers at the party. It was almost like he was watching TV, everyone seemed so far away, so removed from him. He downed his drink and stared at Gale, hoping the man would look his way. He simply watched as Gale’s tall lean body hung on the date he had brought with him. The sight disgusted Randy. Gale’s date was a petite redhead and worse than that: a petite redheaded woman.

As he stared at his former lover, Randy couldn’t help but be enraged, and though he tried to hide it, he failed miserably. He was hoping someone would come by to talk to him but found the others were all deep in conversation and none even bothered to look his way. Frustrated, he turned and walked outside, digging into his pockets and pulling out a pack of cigarettes, shaking as he lit up in the cold air.

"When did you start smoking?" Peter asked, walking towards Randy. He wasn’t wearing a jacket, having followed Randy outside the moment he saw his coworker slam through the door. "I thought you said you never wanted to smoke."

"Fucking job," Randy replied, blowing smoke from the side of his mouth. "I would've never started if it hadn't been for having so many ‘Justin smoking’ scenes."

"Woe is you,” Peter sighed, feigning sympathy. "The hard life of a semi famous actor must be really trying. So, why don’t we stop playing this silly charade and you tell me what I already know. Or if you want to stick to the formalities, I’ll ask: What’s wrong?"

"Nothing..."

"So the fact that Gale is here with a Irish bombshell has nothing to do with your nasty mood," Peter said. "Or is it the fact that he'd rather be with a woman than with you? I know I’d be a little put out if my former lover would rather eat pussy than fuck me."

"He can be with who ever the fuck he wants to," Randy snapped. "He's free to do whatever he wants to do. It’s not like we were ever official."

Randy stood there uneasily as Peter simply watched him. He rolled his eyes, wanting his coworker to leave, but it was clear that Peter was going nowhere. Not pleased with the current situation, Randy turned to Peter and expressed point of discontent.

"If you really want to know," Randy began. "I'm a little pissed that he got the cover of Vanity Fair. I'm gay. You're gay. Gale’s straight -- or so he keeps telling everyone." Randy took a drag off his cigarette and exhaled smoke from his nose as he flicked the ashes aside. He thought of all the things he could say and do, but only one came to mind. "I should set the record straight, seeing as Gale will never do it for himself. I’m sure Vanity Fair or Out would like to know how straight Gale really is."

"You spoiled little brat," Peter hissed, lowering his voice just in case somebody happened by. "Anytime you don't get your way you whine and complain like the little rich bitch that you are. Gale should be given an award for dealing with your shit as long as he did. Things are never what you want, it never has been and it never will be; which is why you didn't get the cover of Vanity Fair. Do you want to know something else? It’s why you don't get more scenes on the show, or better yet, Gale's attention."

"I think I’ve gotten his attention... at least every time he's cum.”

"Well you don't have it now," Peter replied. "Sabrina has it now. In fact, Sabrina's had it for the last few weeks. You’d know that if you actually had Gale’s attention. So, if you want to stop acting like the world owes you something and quite possibly stop fucking every cute dick that pays attention to you, maybe Gale would want a relationship with you."

Randy watched as Peter turned around and returned to the party. He hadn't been defeated, or so he told himself. To prove it, Randy flicked his cigarette on the ground and followed Peter inside only to be confronted with the sight of Gale caressing... that woman. Just seeing the man he cared about holding someone else made Randy’s stomach ache. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves, but when his eyes met with Gale's, terror hit him. Randy wanted to stay there to prove that nothing Gale did bothered him, however, his instinct kicked in. He fumbled at the doorknob before he was able to open it and rush outside, swearing at himself for his lack of bravado.

****

Gale was very aware of Randy’s presence. He felt his former lover's eyes on him as he stood with Sabrina saw Randy leave upset and return even more so. Gale wondered what Peter had said to Randy, and guessed that it had something to do with him. Gale saw the determination in Randy's eyes when he reentered the room and was ready for a confrontation, but when his eyes met with Randy's sad blue one’s he saw his former lover's front fade away. Just seeing Randy that way made Gale’s heart break.

Gale wondered when Randy had gotten under his skin as he followed the man outside. There was one thing that was unmistakable: Randy was beautiful. He was a visual masterpiece whose plump butt and large endowments didn’t compare to his soft blue eyes and innocent smile…maybe a little, but Randy had the whole package. Well…almost.

When they were alone, Randy was as sweet and gentle as he looked. They would stay up all night making love and then stay up even longer, talking about pretty much whatever came to mind. Only Randy wasn't always that way. Sometimes Randy could be rather unpleasant, which was being polite.

Gale yelled for Randy to stop, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. He knew Randy was ignoring him, but that wasn't going to stop Gale. Instead he cursed and began to follow Randy towards the parking lot.

"Let him go," Robert said, stopping Gale. "You should know better by now."

Gale stopped and watched Randy get into his car and drive away before turning around to speak to Robert.

"Sorry," Robert told his friend. "But, there is a reason you’re currently dating a woman. And since you’re delving into the ‘vaginal zone’, I have to believe it's because you didn't want to play any of those high school games."

"Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated?"

Gale reached into his pocket and pulled out a joint he had been saving for later. He wanted something a little stronger but he wasn't about to fall off the wagon now.

"I thought you quit."

"Everything else," Gale replied, lighting the joint and taking a toke. He passed the joint to Robert and chuckled when he coughed. "I need something to calm my nerves, or I’ll possibly end up fighting another war, maybe this time losing."

"I don't have all the answers," Robert said, the smoke still in his lungs. He spoke in a high pitched tone, gasping trying to keep the smoke in as he talked. “Just remember he’s a still a kid, even though he thinks he’s not. Mid twenties doesn’t automatically make you an adult…I know men who are balding and gray and still behave like they’re 13.”

“This is so fucking stupid,” Gale sighed, kicking a pile of snow. “I’m just getting my life back together again. I’ve got movie roles and magazine covers and I’m…chasing after that little shit. I’ve got to get my act together.”

“You know what you need to do.”

“Yeah…I have to resolve this mess…”

****

“Yeah,” Randy said, hanging up the phone and glancing to the naked man laying on his couch. He licked his lips solemnly. “You have to split.”

“We’re just getting started.”

“I said fuck off,” Randy snapped, tossing the man his clothes. “I’ve got company coming, so split.”

As the man dressed, Randy went to his CD player, changed the disk from Celine Dion to The Chemical Brothers and turned the volume from low to high. He went around his living room, turned on all the lights and extinguished the candles he had lit. He then turned on his television to MTV, tossing his remote on the couch when he was finished. He watched his date as the man left so as to make sure his belongings weren’t walking out of the door along with the reject. Noting that the man left empty handed, but for his pride, Randy went into the kitchen and turned on the light, the empty dishwasher, the water and the trash compactor.

Noise.

Randy wanted the sound to block out everything, but it didn’t. He still heard someone banging on the door. He stood in the kitchen and closed his eyes, listening to the beat of the music until it turned off. He listened to some babbling VJ until the TV was turned off There was only the sound of the kitchen appliances until one by one they were all off. Randy opened his eyes and saw the only thing left on besides the lights was the running water in the kitchen sink.

“No point keeping this on,” he said, passing Gale to turn off the water. “So, you planning on explaining why you’d fly to New York to turn off everything in my house? Worried about my electric bill?”

“We need to talk.”

“Whatever,” Randy sighed, flicking off his kitchen light, walking into his living room and plopping on his couch. “Shouldn’t you be talking to your woman? Isn’t that what they’re for?”

“I will be,” Gale replied, sitting next to Randy. “After we talk…then you can call back whatever guy was just here to finish whatever it was you were doing.”

“Is that what this is about?” Randy chuckled, though he didn’t appear amused. “They’re easily removed from this equation…any equation. They’re less than important.”

“You still don’t get it,” Gale sighed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a gift.

Bewildered, Randy stood up and scoffed, “What’s this? A parting gift?”

Defeated, Gale placed the gift on an end table and turned to leave. He had so many other things he wanted to say, but knew that somehow it wasn’t going to work. He hoped the gift would say to Randy what it seemed he could not. Gale opened the front door, stopping only when he heard the lack of anger in Randy’s voice.

“Hold on,” Randy said, going into a closet and bringing out a wrapped present. “Don’t you want your Christmas present?”

Randy watched as Gale took the gift and turned to leave again. This is not what he wanted. He quickly slammed the door shut before Gale could leave, his eyes pleading with his former lover.

“Aren’t you going to open it?”

“On Christmas Day.”

“It doesn’t look like I’ll be seeing you,” Randy said, placing a hand on the gift. “And the best thing about giving a gift is seeing the expression when the gift is opened.”

Gale took a deep breath and opened the present. Inside was a handmade frame with a picture of he and Randy on the inside. Glued to the outside of the frame were little items he slowly began to recognize.

“It’s the ticket stub for the first movie we went to see: Mission Impossible 2,” Randy explained, pointing. “Then that’s the cigarette box for that hotel we stayed at in Ottawa that weekend you just wanted to get away from it all. And aaaah…that’s a shell from Hermosa City Beach when we did that GLADD thing in LA. And that plastic ring is the one I got from one of the quarter machines in San Francisco. You kissed me in the frozen food section in the grocery store…and no one gave a flying fuck. Kinda makes me want to go back to San Francisco, if I wasn’t such a New Yorker.”

Gale stared at the frame and noticed a button from a shirt he’d had to discard. It had been his favorite and they had stained it with motor oil when sex had interrupted an oil change.

“You look surprised,” Randy noted.

“I am.”

“Why?”

“I was expecting a Rolex or platinum bracelet or something like that.”

“Why buy them for you?” Randy replied solemnly. “You never wear them. Well, you’d wear them once, never to be worn again. I wanted to get you something that would be a little harder to stick in a box to collect dust. But…I guess it looks a little childish to you, you know, me keeping a trinket from the time we spent together.”

“It’s not.”

Gale took a step towards Randy, only to stop himself and move backwards. After a deep breath, Gale approached the man, wanting to press their lips together but forcing himself to merely kiss Randy’s forehead.

“Don’t go,” Randy pleaded as Gale turned around and left the apartment.

Gale wanted to turn back, but he couldn’t. Not now. Maybe he’d call Randy later. Maybe.

****

“Hello?” Randy rolled his eyes when he heard the man on the phone. “I’m busy tonight, maybe some other time.”

Randy turned off the phone and let it slip from his fingers. He sat on his couch, staring at the present on the end table. There was something about the way Gale had given him the gift that made Randy uneasy.

“Fuck it,” Randy murmured after spending time psyching himself up. He stood up and picked up the gift determined…to do what he wasn’t quite sure of. He began to take off the wrapping when the phone rang. He looked at the phone and willed it to be Gale.

“Hello?” He said, picking up the line. “Oh. Yeah, I remember you. You’re the guy with the tattoo of a shark on his arm…alrighty then, I guess I don’t remember you. No, I’m busy right now. I said no.”

Randy hung up the phone and immediately began tearing the wrapping from his gift. He removed the lid, reached in the box and pulled out its contents: a cowry bracelet with his name engraved on the inside.

“Just like Brian Kinney,” he scoffed, shoving the bracelet back into the box and tossing it back onto the end stand. “I’m not like that.” He picked up the phone, planning to call Gale and give his former lover a piece of his mind. Instead, the phone rang and Randy begrudgingly answered it. “What?! Huh? Andy? I met you at the Taboo after party right? No? Where? I don’t remember-tall, brown hair, thin, brown eyes…no that doesn’t sound familiar, it sounds like every guy I date…I mean, I…I…I have to go.”

Randy turned off the ringer on his phone and tossed the cordless across the room. He shook his head, repeating to himself that he was not like that. He wasn’t Brian Kinney and he wasn’t Justin Taylor. He was Randy Harrison, no more, no less.

“It’s not me,” he quietly said, fighting back the tears.

“When were you planning on locking your door?”

Randy looked at Gale and immediately got mad at himself for crying. Not that he could have stopped it, but he hated looking weak…not in front of Gale, not in front of anyone. He wiped the tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and plopped on his couch, not looking at the man standing before him.

“Is that what you think of me?”

“Is that what you think of yourself?”

“No.”

“That’s good to hear,” Gale said, taking a seat next to Randy. He took off his jacket and leaned back into the plush sofa, making himself comfortable. “I’ve been flying from Toronto to New York and back so many times I can go to Timbuck-fucking-tu on my frequent flyer miles.” When he saw Randy sit quietly, he added, “I have to ask myself why.”

“It’s clearly because you’re fucked up,” Randy replied, glancing at Gale. “You love me.”

“That seems to be the state of my life.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For being a prick,” Randy answered, purposefully looking away. “For being a spoiled brat who does stupid, childish things when I don’t get what I want. I just don’t respond well when I don’t get what I want…and even when I had you I really didn’t have you. So, I guess I screwed around.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Relationships usually aren’t,” Randy replied.

“That’s true.”

“I’m sorry I’m not everything you want me to be.”

“If you’re talking about tits,” Gale chuckled lightly. “They’re highly overrated.”

Randy immediately looked over and examined Gale’s body language. There was an openness that had been lacking in quite some time. Maybe there was something to admitting his faults, not that he thought being spoiled was a fault, but apparently Gale did. That was what compromise in a relationship was all about, wasn’t it?

Randy couldn’t help but smile. “Are we making up?”

“I didn’t fly all this way to not suck dick.”

“You’re so smooth,” Randy purred, leaning over and kissing Gale. “My Prince Charming.”

“…and you’re a little devil in the body of an angel…”

Randy pulled his shirt over his own head exposing his bare chest. All smiles, he nestled into the couch while unbuckling Gale’s pants.

“You love me, My Prince Charming,” Randy giggled, reaching into Gale’s pants and finding what he had been looking for.

“Luckily for the both of us, I do,” Gale replied, laying his body on his lover’s. “…you little spoiled brat.”

“Your little spoiled brat.”

“Mine.”