STAY ON THE PORCH
By: U-Hall
It seems that
Whallop has a skewed idea of reality. You see, reality is that Whallop is still
nothing in this league. People can sing his praises all they want, but what has
he really proved? I thought long and hard on that one, and seems
all he has proved is that he can not contend with Air Alert. Lets
be honest, in the only game he has played against us this season he had a mere
30 points, far from his 60 point average he speaks so highly of. Whallop must
be careful what he says. Claiming no one wants to play him, but Air Alert has
tried to contact him several times to play, and he is always unavailable, but
when rookie teams wanna play, he magically appears. Coincidence?
I think not. I think Whallop avoids what
he knows he can not surpass. By not playing Air Alert, he CAN talk about how
good he is. BUT, when he does play Air Alert, he CAN’T say a word, because he
does nothing, Whallop is still a rookie in my book, he
has accomplished nothing, no championship, no finals appearance, and no ALL
STAR appearance. He played in a ROOKIE game, which means nothing. Whallop, you
can’t run with the big dogs, so stay on the porch.
FROM ROOKIE TO MACHINE
Whallop’s one year anniversary in the
NBO
Whallop’s debut:
BY: WHALLOP
One year of hard
work and do wonders to someone’s game…good thing that I have natural God given
talent instead. Because after suffering a season ending injury in my Team Shank
game, which ended my Season 5 and made every game my partner
played an irrelevant exhibition game, coming back from an injury is incredibly
hard. Already, I’ve risen to the top as the cream of the crop. I’ve gone from
an awesome rookie to an even more awesome veteran, who is on his way to
stardom. No one can stop me, plain and simple. My former teammate, whose name
will not be stated in this article, tried once this year, that proved to be the
biggest mistake of his career…who the hell gets beat by 101 points?!?! That is unfreaking real! Then, people tried to use the excuse that
this whole team is Created Player. Well, that’s not true either. I’m averaging
over 60 points per game on offense and nearly 30 blocks per game on D. What
excuse is coming next? Certainly not mine, that’s for sure. People are
petrified to play me even from the beginning they have been, but they too have
their excuses, you know who you are…both of you. I started as an unknown rookie
who nobody wanted to team with. Why? I don’t know. I was the only rookie of the
season, who by the end of my rookie season, wasn’t even a rookie anymore, and I
was the 2-point champ, I’ve beaten rookies, veterans, stars, and superstars,
and a Hall of Famer who was playing on an exhibition team…meaningless win.
Reality Check V –
This has become personal. This
up-and-coming rookie who I bragged to people a few weeks ago as the “future” of
the NBO has made the biggest mistake of not only his career, but his life. He
called ODOR out. This whiny sumbitch
who demands respect from everyone else in the league after making ten
two-pointers in ten games, doesn’t know who he is messing with. First and
foremost, WOW, you made 10 two’s in five hours. I made 14 in one game, stop your bitchin’. Forecast, one half
of Mad Hatters (what the hell is a Mad Hatter?), looked at me every time he
made a two, as if to say, “there ya go, I CAN do it.” Well, who can’t? He was
upset with his scouting report on the NBO website that says, “First rookie to ever play a triple header in NBO, high
vertical leap dunker, not a great shooter.” Well here we go, he told me to put
the first part, and I did, because there was nothing else about this bloke that
I could write. He’s an average player, with average dunks, with no talent or
personality. BUT, he got so pissed about the “not a great shooter” part, he
lost all three games trying to prove to me that he was a great shooter. I’d
show you all of his stats, but his games are so boring because his game is so
boring, that the only stats he gets are when he plays other accomplished
players like myself and Created Player. In one of the
games he played in his exhausting triple-header that he complained about all
game, he was 27/53 from 1’s (just over 50%), 6/30 from 2-point land, and 1-8 from 3-land.
This rookie, who had
already lost to the Punishers by 40, is challenging me now with Big Freeze
thinking he has a chance in hell. But, to quote Vince McMahon, he has NO CHANCE
IN HELL in winning. This guy sucks. The only win he has is against another
rookie team that isn’t even in the league anymore. Striker could have beaten
the team he beat. This kid has one dunk and swears by it, he has no back-up
plan. One knock down to the ground will stop his ass from getting to the hoop.
I applaud this kid’s attempt to climb up the NBO ladder, but then I look at it
and realize he is actually serious about it. He isn’t calling me out in NBO fashion, he seriously wants to play me. And that’s funny.
This young rook does not know what’s coming. Kid, listen, how
about you win a couple games and call me when you’re serious. Because,
you got yourself some publicity on the website, but if you really want this
game, you got it. And how about we play so the game gets done in under an hour,
so that includes an ass whoopin’ from the Punishers and that also entails you
not holding the ball for 3 damn minutes every play waiting for the lane to
clear up, just fucking play NBO. I bet I make you quit at halftime. People in
the NBO like to get to the top, so they attack me, well until they actually
play me. It’s either you get recognized after this game for the whoopin’ you
take, or you never come again because of the whoopin’ you take. Because not
only are you dealing with a pissed off ODOR, you also are talking about the
most rugged, fighting, rough ‘n tough sumbitch to
ever hit Newaygo --- Whitesmith. God, you are a stupid son of a bitch. It just
sucks that it can’t be a regular season game. Read my scouting report, get a
hint. Forecast wants to be like ODOR, a day hasn’t
gone by that he hasn’t asked how to do the Swivel. That’s all we need in the
NBO, another poser that has no originality. You just mixed Blacksmith’s undetermined
vertical leap dunk with Bus Driver’s ability to play. You’re not going to play
Season 6 ODOR, Forecast, you’ll see the Season 1 ODOR. Laugh and joke all you
want on how silly that sounds, but hey, you’ll get your ass whooped, just ask
Landlord.
Reality Check IV –
This is a brief look into the
history of U-Hall and ODOR’s rivalry, from a more un-biased
perspective...ODOR’s perspective. It all started in Season One. Some of you may
ask, “How, U-Hall wasn’t even in Season One?” Yet, it started there. Before the
NBO was developed, U-Hall was in charge of a little basketball league in Croton
called Barnball. It was around for a couple weeks then it just vanished into
thin air when NBO started in Newaygo. ODOR was in Barnball, so right away there
is no doubt that it WAS great for at least a couple weeks, when ODOR WAS there.
But as Barnball took place, already a rivalry between both U-Hall and ODOR took
place.
BUT, it was NOW in the process of
writing this article, that I, ODOR, realized I am not a two-time Slam Dunk
Champion. I admit it. So right now, in this article, I will let it all out of
the bag...I AM A THREE-TIME SLAM DUNK CHAMPION! That’s right. In the first week
of Barnball in the Slam Dunk Contest, I, ODOR, successfully beat out all
contenders (including U-Hall) for the Dunk title. So U-Hall, gripe about that one. This dunk
contest was also judged by a selected panel, so even MORE people know I am a
better dunker than anyone in this world.
U-Hall, although, won the Barnball
tournament each week, with partner The Question as Team Shank (not to be
confused with the 0-3 Team Shank in NBO Season 3). That did get under the skin
of ODOR. But, I am sure The Question did all the work as he was the Created
Player of the league. As you see to the left, here’s BIG JAY blocking U-Hall.
That’s sad.
There’s only the beginning of the
feud. Next, ODOR and U-Hall went up to meet each other in Season 2 of NBO.
ReMix and LiveWire faced each other once in Regular Season play, and although
it took literally a month to finish, U-Hall and the rest of Team ReMix beat
LiveWire by a score that I cannot recollect at this time. Yeah, ODOR got mad
and stormed off the court at halftime. But this is why. U-Hall kept talking
trash and playing rough with ODOR. ODOR, knowing that U-Hall wanted to injure
him RIGHT BEFORE All-Star Weekend, decided that, mentally and physically, he
did not need to finish that game as he had more important things to do, like
prepare for the Slam Dunk Contest and All-Star Game (in which he won the Dunk
Contest and All-Star Game MVP for, might I add).
Season Three was just the final
piece of the coffin, or nail in the cake that led ODOR to realize that U-Hall
was scared of him. U-Hall showed up to only three games, as ODOR played seven.
ODOR played Code Red six times, ONCE by HIMSELF. Although ODOR all six times
came up with a loss by his name, he has only one reason on why it happened. “I
picked the wrong guy.”
Reality Check III –
I
was planning on writing about Big Freeze in this third installment of the
Reality Check, but I realized that I promised a USA/Code Red comparison
article, so that is what you will get. First and foremost,
Reality Check II –
February 19, 2006 – Reaction to proposed ‘ODOR vs. Landlord II’
Already,
many times, I have been asked about a rematch between myself and Landlord – one
on one...this, of course, after the BEST game in NBO history when I beat
Landlord at the Season 4 All-Star Weekend...one-on-one. Since that very day,
the day I beat Landlord, I have been asked, pleaded with, and BEGGED to play
another game to see if I could prove myself again. But why? There is no need to
prove myself again after that heroic effort. I came back from 19-24 deficit
(going to 25), and continued to win. Landlord keeps egging me on saying I can’t
do it again, blah blah blah.
But here’s the thing, although he is saying I can’t do it AGAIN...he’s never
done it once to begin with. Look at all of Landlord’s accomplishments compared
to mine. First off, you should think...yes, travesty or conspiracy. But, I will
give the champ his due; he is an accomplished player with many championships
and other individual awards, all in team competition however. When it comes to
one person versus one person – I am the better man. Again, right off, before I
go any further, I will repeat myself again in saying that I WILL NOT TAKE
LANDLORD ON AGAIN ONE-ON-ONE. There is no reason to. What do I have to prove?
That I can do it AGAIN? Wow. It’s like putting Code Red versus Street Ballers
and having the team of Doc Seuss and Big Freeze challenge my nemesis and
Created Player. Not that fair of a game, we all know the outcome, so why waste
our time --- especially when we’ve seen it before. You, the NBO fans and other
NBO players, can egg me on all you want and ask me questions about the whole
thing, but I will publicly answer them here in the Reality Check, because there
is no way you can prove why I should give Landlord another shot. From
experience, I think Landlord sucks as a teammate as well, so I don’t know how
he gets all these damn awards. Landlord said it himself in Double Dunk the
Magazine...All-Star Weekend is MY weekend and no one can knock me down in that
time frame...even the beloved Landlord. It’s all redundant, but obviously no
one gets it. ODOR BEAT LANDLORD. ODOR BEAT LANDLORD.
ODOR...B-B-B-B-BEAT...LAND-L-L-L-LORD! As a minor detail, that also proves that
USA was also better than Code Red --- but we’ll save that for the next Reality
Check. Over-Dose...out.
Reality Check I –
February 19, 2006 - Introduction
This
is the first ever edition of the Reality Check with everyone’s favorite NBO
superstar, ODOR. In this NBO ‘blog’, I will be
discussing different NBO happenings both past and present, from of course the
most controversial point of view ever to grace the NBO court. This week - we
talk about the present. We talk about the fact that I can’t wait to get on a normal schedule of games for Season 6, as
Whitesmith and I are going to be wreaking
havoc all over the NBO. Although we’ll probably need hell to freeze over to win the NBO Championship, if against the
Unstoppable Machines, I still think the season will be a fun one, since it will
probably be the last one. Yeah, with all of us going to college this fall, I
don’t see a regular season happening until the next summer, and even then, it’d
be abbreviated. I’m sure NBO games will still go on, but not as many as we can
during high school. Landlord has been challenging me for ‘ODOR vs. Landlord
II’, but I have and will continue to still NOT
accept this challenge, as I have already proved that I am better than him (at
the Season 4 All-Star Weekend). The Reality Check’s from now on will be more
in-detail and will make fun of other NBO players, but this is just a
kick-start. Just to get things started. In the next Reality Check --- I will be
explaining more in-detail on why I will not be taking on Landlord in ‘ODOR vs.
Landlord II’.