A Muslim treatment of mother who
is an unbeliever
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My wife's mother has in
effect cut herself off from her daughter in recent times. Whilst there
was some form of communication it was often quite turbulent and heated.
My wife has tried a number of times to re-establish contact yet her mother
refuses, quite stubbornly, to reply. We are both reverts and have often
felt that our acceptance of the religion has played some part in her mother's
negative attitude. I would be grateful if you could advise us on what me
might possibly do to rectify this situation.
Jazak Allahu Khairan
Praise be to Allah,
The reactions of non-muslim
mothers towards their children's embracement of Islam varies. Some mothers
are peaceful and passive considering this as a personal matter which does
not affect the relationship between the mother and her son or daughter.
In such cases more piety by the child towards his or her mother will make
the mother admire and respect Islam.
Other mothers adopts
a more stubborn approach at the beginning but the mother finally gives
in and accepts the new religion as a fact of life after she sees the child's
determination and persistence which could lead the mother herself to embrace
Islam.
In the third case we
find that some mothers are constantly stubborn to the extent that she might
hurt and oppress her son or daughter. Usually such mothers are blindly
prejudice because they consider that her son or daughter had gone astray
by leaving the faith of his fathers and ancestors and she must do something
to help go back to the right path (according to the mother).
The following are three
stories that took place at the time of the Prophet
,
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that involved three of the Sahaba (Companions
of the Prophet, Peace
and Blessings be Upon Him) which illustrates the reactions of their mothers
after they embraced Islam:
Story #1
On the authority of
Asmaa' Bint Abi Bakr she said "My mother came to visit me one day. At that
time she was still a polytheist and there was a pledge between the Prophet,
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, and Quraish (one of the great tribes in
Arabia that lived in Mecca in the pre Islamic Period of Ignorance who used
to enjoy great spiritual and financial powers). I requested the Prophet's,
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, religious verdict and said: Oh Prophet
of Allah, my mother came to visit me, seeking my help; should I keep a
good relationship with her? Yes, keep a good relation with her said the
Prophet, Peace and
Blessings be Upon Him:. Reported by Bukhari and Muslim, and this narration
is listed in Sahih Muslim under # 1003.
In another version narrated
by Ahmad, on the authority of Asmaa' Bint Abi Bakr she said " My mother
came to visit me when she was still a polytheist and she was living amongst
Quraish. She was desirous, meaning in need, so I asked the Prophet,
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, and said: Oh Prophet of Allah my mother
came to me and she is a polytheist and she needs help. Should I keep a
good relationship with her? He said yes maintain a good relationship with
her.
Story #2
On the authority of
Abu-Huraira, who said: I used to call my mother to Islam when she was still
a polytheist. One day, while I was calling her she mentioned something
about the Prophet ,
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that I detested. So I went to see the
Prophet, Peace and
Blessings be Upon Him, while crying and told him: I used to call my mother
to Islam and she would refuse. I called her today and she mentioned something
about you that I detested. Please invoke the blessings and guidance of
Allah on her. Then the Prophet,
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: O Great Allah guide the mother of
Abu-Huraira. So I left full of hope because of the Prophet's supplication
for my mother. When I reached home I found that the door was partially
closed. My mother heard my footsteps and said: Stay still Abu-Huraira,
then I heard the water running; he added my mother performed body ablution,
put on her cloths and hurriedly opened the door without her head-cover
and said: "None has the right to be worshipped but Allah and Muhammad,
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, is the Messenger of Allah". I went back
to the Prophet, Peace
and Blessings be Upon Him, crying of joy and told him: I am bringing you
good news; Allah answered your prayers and guided the mother of Abu-Huraira.
The Prophet, Peace
and Blessings be Upon Him, praised and glorified Allah and said: this is
good. I said: Oh Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah to make me and my mother
beloved by Allah's believing slaves and make us love them. The Prophet,
Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: Oh Allah, make this little slave
of Yours and his mother (meaning Abu-Huraira and his mother) become beloved
by your believing slaves and make the believers love them. Ever since,
there was not a believer who heard of me, even without seeing me, that
did not love me. Reported by Muslim in Sahih Muslim (Muslim Authentic volumes)
under # 2491.
Story # 3
On the authority of
Saa'd (Ibn Abi Waqas May Allah be pleased with him) who said that verses
of the Qur'an revealed his story. He said Um Saa'd (his mother) swore not
to talk to him ever nor eat or drink until he renounces Islam. She said:
You claim that Allah commanded you to obey your parents. I am your mother
and I order you to do this ( to renounce Islam). He said: She stayed with
nothing to eat or drink for three days until she fainted because of strain.
Then one of her other sons named Umarah gave her water to drink. And she
started to imprecate against Saa'd, then Allah revealed this verse in the
Qur'an, which translates to the meaning of {And We have enjoined on man
to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join
with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge,
then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you
used to do} Verse 29:8 - Surah 29, Al Ankabut. This Hadith is narrated
by Imam Ahmad in his Musnad and in Sahih Muslim in his Sahih under # 1748.
Also, Allah revealed
another verse in the Qur'an, which translates to:
"But if they (both)
strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that if which
you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the
world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to me in repentance
and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you
what you used to do"( 31:15 - Surah Luqman).
Based on the above stories
one can determine how to deal with a non believing mother and can draw
the following significant conclusions:
The importance of good
presentation of Islam to the non believing mother and to try to kindly
persuade her and to strive to convince her as Abu Huraira did (story #
1)
Continue to do good
to the non believing mother and to remember that her disbelief does not
justify disobedience by the son or daughter and that doing her good does
not contradict with your innocence of her as a non believer, on the contrary
as it is stated in Verse 31:15 above, Allah has commanded us to treat the
non believing parents kindly even if they strive to make their child a
polytheist because of their rights as parents hoping that they will embrace
Islam.
Continue to sincerely
pray and supplicate for the non believing mother hoping that Allah may
guide her, as evident in Abu Huraira's story (story #2).
The divine guidance
of Allah may come after continuous strive by the child and strong objection
of the mother as in Abu Huraira's story, therefore the son should never
surrender or give up but should continue to pray and supplicate for the
non believing mother.
Regardless of how hard
does the non believing mother strive to make the son renounces Islam, and
the pressure she will exercise against her son such as refusing to eat
or invoking upon him , the son should never surrender or give in nor should
he retrocede away from the righteous path as one of the Sahaba said to
his non believing mother in a similar situation: :If you had one hundred
(100) souls and it all left your body one after the other I will never
give up my religion (Islam)".
It seems that the mother
in question deliberately oppresses her daughter through estrangement which
makes her emotional torn but that should never weaken the muslim or shake
his faith and belief in his religion. There is no objection to make the
non believing mother understand that you are not going to retrocede , however
she (the mother) can kindly ask for anything and she will be immediately
answered to it except for giving up this religion.
We ask Allah to quickly
guide her to the righteous path and give you patience to call her to Islam
and lead you to the righteous and correct way.
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