The British are very well-acquainted with the boomerang because its a special weapon found in Australia, a country originally populated by criminals transported from Britain. The British are also very familiar with the kick-off they got in 1947 when they were asked to pack up their baggage and leave Pakistan to be run by the gallant Pakistanis. The British also know very vividly that the real team to beat in cricket is the green and white clad eleven from Pakistan.

In the First Test Match at the Lord’s where the Poms were very convincingly humiliated by the Springboks, the above three things came back into focus with the ball-tampering fiasco. The British press and commentators spruced up by the likes of Ian Botham and Alan Lamb, had did a super hatchet job of accusing Pakistanis of cheating and ball tampering.

Alas, truth comes out in living color. The accusations came back like the boomerang ! The pot which had called the kettle black, the "chor" which had scolded the "kotwal", the pie-in-the-face scenario, all proved without a shadow of doubt that the Brits were way out of line and that the only reason they had got the Pakistanis in the docks were because they were scared stiff with the menacing Burewala Bomber and the Lancashire Locomotive, not to talk of Immi Baby.

We, the citizens of Pakistan, bow our head in gratitude to the Almighty Allah that our players have been vindicated and truth after all prevailed. The sports commentators and reporters in England are now after Mike Atherton’s scalp. They better be ! Our advise to them is that they should also wash their face with soap because that’s what is required of them.

In the meantime, we hope that since an apology is due from the British, cricket-player Mr John Major would send one pronto to the Mohtarma with two dozen roses!

Your’s etc:

HANIF TENDER