The top 10 signs your Teletubby is gay:

10. The pages of all his Barney books are sticky.

9. He keeps redecorating Barbie's Dreamhouse.

8. The TV screen in his stomach only plays figure skating and men's gymnastics.

7. He's started waxing the purple fuzz on his back.

6. You spotted this classified recently: "Bi-curious purple male, swimmers build, into hiking, skiing and intergalactic travel, seeks same for friendship first. No fats or fems."

5. Mr. Rogers started a petition to get "his kind" out of the neighborhood.

4. That triangular antenna on his head only picks up Abba music.

3. He's been sleeping on Matt Damon's couch.

2. He carries GQ and an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue in his little red bag.

1. He plans to marry Nicole Kidman.

7 Reasons Tinky Winky just can't be gay:

1. The purse doesn't match the shoes. Purple and red, I mean really clash-o-RAMA! Besides, it's a Magic Bag, not a Coach Clutch.

2. The Teletubbies are well.....they are TUBBY! Everyone knows that most gay public figures try to stay in shape.

3. That headpiece. Kudos for its FABULOUS height, but it really doesn't have much in the way of frills - it's just a triangle. A true gay person would have accessorized it with beads.

4. He's a really bad dancer. Nuff said.

5. The name Tinky Winky. I don't know a gay man on the planet who would go with a name like that. HELLO, it screams, "I'm small down there and I don't care who knows it!"

6. As I recall, thanks to the Nazis, PINK is the gay color, not purple. Barney is purple too. And Reggie White's uniform.

7. NO GENITALS! Hello, helloooo, Teletubbies have no genitals! The Teletubbies bump their T.V. screens together and that's it! Big yawn.



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