[Just The Way You Taste]

Just The Way You Taste

By Rowan

February 2002.

For Liad. I love you. Feel better, sweetie.

~*~

It's been awhile
but all that shit seems to
disappear when I'm with you

JC gives up and is half way to Justin's house before the thoughts have completely gelled in his mind.

When Justin first suggested this compromise, JC had been adamant in his refusal. He'd been dead-set against it. After spending even more sleepless nights without Justin wrapped around him, he knew walking away wouldn't be that easy.

It was scaring him how badly he needed him. How desperately he missed him. He was astounded as this apparent lack of better judgment.

~*~

JC had taken tiny sips of his beer, and watched miniature waves dance on the surface of the pool. Justin had had something important to tell him.

"She's having my baby, Jayce. We're having a little girl."

JC's bottle had slipped from trembling fingers and had shattered on the pavement.

"That's great," JC had enthused. But it was too late. A frown had already invaded Justin’s face.

JC's heart had broken all over again.

~*~

It's been awhile
since I've seen the way
the candle lights your face
but I can still remember
just the way you taste

JC sits in his car in Justin's driveway for a few minutes before he makes himself get out. He needs him so badly. It's been awhile.

JC opens the door with his key and finds Justin in the kitchen. He is leaning against the counter in low-slung jeans with the top button missing and no shirt. His bare- feet are dusty and his lips are twisted in a wry grin. He meets JC halfway. They kiss and JC feels like they'd never stopped.

Justin's tongue is hot and heavenly on his throat and like honey in his mouth. JC's hands grasp for him and his knees buckle under Justin's slender knowing fingers.

Justin whispers words JC can't quite hear and doesn’t much care about.

He trips on the way up the stairs and Justin catches him with strong hands.

Justin strips him slowly, devouring his skin with torturing carefulness. He is crying when Justin finally slides into him and Justin laps at the tears with wide sweeps of his tongue.

They lay panting and sweaty and JC’s heart hammers in his chest. JC's head falls to the side and he sees a picture in a sliver frame on the nightstand.

Britney, Justin, and a little girl with light brown pigtails and sparkling blue eyes and he remembers why he can't stay.

~*~

At the wedding, JC had kissed Britney on her peachy smooth cheek, and hugged Justin. He'd made appropriately funny comments at the reception and let them take his picture hundreds of times.

He'd managed to hold back his tears until he was in the car on his way back to the hotel, and Joey had held him and hadn't tried to make him talk about it, like Lance might have done.

~*~

It's been awhile
since I could say that I wasn't addicted

When JC moves to leave the bed, Justin grabs his wrists, holding him in place.

“You can stay,” he says. “She’s gone until tomorrow. Please stay.”

It is against his better judgment, but with Justin most things are. He lets Justin pull him back, and drape a heavy arm across JC’s chest. When he sleeps he dreams of things he cannot have.

~*~

They had been celebrating Justin and Britney’s 6-month engagement anniversary because Britney is the type of person who needs to celebrate things like that. It had been two weeks since the wedding and JC had only spoken to Justin once, listening quietly as Justin had gushed about the beauty of their honeym00n island. He’d been spending the rest of the time avoiding places he and Justin had spent anytime together and letting Chris teach him to ride a motorcycle.

The party had grown steadily more raucous as the night wore on, and he’d tried escaping to one of the upstairs bedrooms to sit and breathe for a minute. Justin had caught up to him on his way up the stairs and he’d followed him into a guestroom.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you, C,” he’d said quickly. His cheeks had been flushed and JC could smell fruity alcoholic drinks on his breath.

“Um, about what.” JC had tried to keep his voice neutral, pretending this wasn’t tearing him apart.

“About how much I miss you.”

“Justin, your wife is downstairs.”

“But you’re up here.” Justin had stepped closer; placing a hand on JC’s shoulder, thumb stroking a slow sweep across JC’s jaw.

“What are doing?”

“I want to love you both. I need both of you.” As if it were that simple. JC’d realized then that for Justin it usually was that simple.

JC had paused, feeling nausea and lust rolling together in his body, clouding his brain. Finally, he’d managed, “Baby, that’s not how life works.” And JC had slid past him and out of the room, afraid of what would happen if he stayed.

Justin had called the next day, with the same plea.

~*~

JC is almost ashamed of how easy it was for Justin to convince to change his mind.

~*~

It's been awhile
since I could hold my head up high
it's been awhile
since I first saw you

In the morning, Justin offers him coffee and he accepts, sipping his black while he perches precariously on a tall stool. He can handle this: there is nothing of Britney in this kitchen.

Justin kisses him goodbye at the door. JC feels surreal. He imagines he can feel the coolness of Justin’s wedding band against his face, though the gold must be warm from Justin’s finger.

He passes Britney in her silver Miata on his way out of their neighborhood. She toots her horn merrily as she speeds by.

JC takes a long shower when he gets home. He tells himself this is the last time and knows immediately that he is lying.

~Fin.~