Right. So, everyone's familiar with the game by now... The game to ruin the lives of total strangers. The idea is to make up sentences so bizarre that strangers who overhear them will die of aneurysms. In order to be a valid "If it weren't for my horse" sentence, it has to be the type of thing that has probably never been said (or written) before. Send your sentences to the address at the bottom of the screen!
Today's Muzak Selection: "Pure Imagination" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Why? Because I am Gene Wilder.
(Sentences not by CGS will be noted by the author's name in brackets...)
If it weren't for my donkey, I never would have made the football team.
What is it with dead hares and French art?
I specifically asked for cat vomit, not dog vomit!
Amanda, I wish I could be cool like you. (oh- sorry, that doesn't count. I think Burnout said that once...)
If it weren't for my Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, I never would have made the county orchestra. {Pan the Knacker}
Agghh! Where's Denise when you need her?
Yeah, well if she'd just get rid of that ugly truck, the kids in Zimbabwe wouldn't even need those Halls cough drops! {Pats & Cap'n}
If it weren't for Red Norvo, I would never be an octopus.
If it weren't for Milt Jackson, I wouldn't have a beard.
If it weren't for Tito Puente, I would have never seen a naked New Yorker (covered with foam) light his sofa on fire.
Wouldn't it be horrible to stumble over a petrified eyeball? (Didn't make this one up- it's off some crap-ass old movie...)
What is it with Richard Feynman and file cabinets, anyway?
If it weren't for Leonard Bernstein, I would never have seen Dr. Sam from Peak Practice. {Pan the Knacker}
I really must stop drinking this poison. {P the K}
If it were't for Harry Carr's trombone playing skills, I would never have shared a house with Melanie. {Pan the Knacker}
If it weren't for Romy & Michele's High School Reunion, I might never have become a millionairess. {Pan the Knacker}
Had I been cast as Cordelia, I never would have met the Cap'n. (Screw the RSC!! hahaha!) {Pan the Knacker}
True Story: If it weren't for Leonard Bernstein, I wouldn't be the laughing stock of my 5th grade class. (You could also use Sondheim and Jerome Robbins for that, too.)
If it weren't for Leonard Bernstein and the NYPhil, I would have never wanted to beat the crap out of Twinkle Bitch.
If it weren't for Isaac Stern, Amanda wouldn't have given me rabies.
If it weren't for Bruegel, I never would have seen that rat on wheels.
If it weren't for the fog, I would have never run out of plastic bags and mayonnaise jars.
But the purple monsters made me eat that penny, Mommy!
I'm currently undergoing treatment to deal with my 'infinity attacks'.
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