Note: Where's Volume II? I hear you ask. Well, that's a good question, actually. I don't really know. I made one, sure- it covered from the end of 8th grade to the first half of 9th. It was on my old computer (the one that crashed) and consequently destroyed. I remember I had a few hard copies of the second volume, but I have absolutely no idea what I did with them. So anyway, the point is, if you are one of the cursed few who actually saw Volume II before its completion,then you might recognize some of these. I'm sure I repeated many in the frantic effort to make up for lost time...And sure enough, as soon as I finish this one, I will find the second volume in my closet under an old Algebra spiral. But, in traditional Main Street style, screw it.
Another Note: As usual, these entries are in no particular order other than the order I remember them in...
1) "Just eat your cornflakes and shut up!"- This can be used when anyone is complaining about anything. (Taken, as usual, from a story from some playwright who lives overseas and will never know someone at Boerne High is stealing his stuff, anyway.)
2)"Sucks to your ass-mar!"- Make that some novelist overseas. (Isn't Golding dead by now?? I don't know....never really cared that much.) But this one is used in the same way as #1, just in case someone out there does care.
3)"Back the truck up"-the sort of expression no one but me would ever use, even if they really get a kick out of it. Here's what I get a lot from people who think it's really funny that I say this but would never say it-a very cryptic response that goes something like, "Well...that's different." So I'm a freak, is what you're really saying, and you would rather die than sound like me for an instant?? That's what you're really saying, isn't it?? That's okay- I don't mind if you say "Back the truck up," or anything else. Unless you're Andy Farmer of course- then I'll kick your ass for trying to be cool like me.
4)"The Klint Kurse Kontinues..."- "Say, who made those bitchin' eyeballs?" No- I'm sorry-that's mean. HAHAHHAHAH! Basically, for those of you who don't already know, Klint has this OM Kurse, and it destroys every team he comes in contact with- which leads me to the next one...
5)"I see dead OMers"-This one's stolen from Haley Joel Osment. Somebody remind me again- why was he up for an Oscar??? And Tori- if you tell me one more time it's because "he's soooooooooo cute," I'll go Fargo on your ass! That's right- it's the woodchipper for you!
(with appropriate accent)
"Yah??"
"Oh, yah, you betchah."
"Oh yah, don't ya knoow."
What was that lady's name from Fargo?? The pregnant cop lady? I thought she was hilarious. Although the voices were a little odd at times... But she was terrific, otherwise the movie's violence and all that would have been unbearable. Anyway...I was making fun of Klint and OM, wasn't I??
6)"Did you know that if you play Funkytown backwards it says, 'OM is dead!', cause it doesn, you know-Right...so...
7)"So Sagt man das!!"-I am told this means, 'So that's how you say it,' in German. THe way I use it, it's much dirtier than that. If you don't get it yet, just read it like you're really pissed off and you'll know what it's supposed to mean.
8)(pointing to appropriate body parts) "Ass...elbow...ass...elbow..."-I do this to review Megan every now and then. Hey-what are friends for?
9) "MACAVITY!!"- or...
10)"Myysstery Caaattttt!"-This doesn't really have a point. Although I can say it's related to what I say when I have absolutely no idea what to say, or when someone asks me any sort of question regarding their English homework: "Uh...hey! Did you know T.S. Eliot is an anagram of toliets??" Ahaha! You can thank the silly Brit for that one!
11)"Psst...Megan! Psst...HUSTLED!!! HUSTLED!!- Okay- a story I've written for Megan:
See Retromobile.
See Megan.
See Megan buy Retromobile.
See Retromobile break.
"It's the battery," Megan says.
Megan is full of shit.
HUSTLED!!
12)Un bar de tapas, Leche de LLama, Fuego la popa, LA LLAMA!!!, and other assorted meaningless Spanish phrases- Look- I barely speak understandable English-do you really think that would change for a foreign language??
13)"You know what?? You know what?!...Yeah!"- This, thank god, is not my expression; rather, one of Amanda's many ways of using a string of meaningless words to create a totally meaningless phrase for just about any and every occasion. Some others:
"Yeah, well, YOU know..."
"hmph! Yeah...(shrugs)"
"Dammit, Shannon! You're such a...,"can't think of anything clever, "Agh! Dammit!"
There are many more, of course, but it's just too painful to go on with this...
14)Ho-bag- Okay. I shall try to explain this because I know it deserves an explanation. A ho-bag is the same thing as a ho, a jerk, Amanda, whatever. Any sort of insult is fine. I use the 'bag' after the 'ho' because I have found over thousands of insults, that they monosyllabic 'ho' is so abrupt and short that it isn't very significant or powerful after a certain amount of repetitions (also not very fun to say.) It can be mistaken for other words, like 'oh' and 'so' quite easilt, and, for these reasons, it's not much of an insult. Over time I have surrounded 'ho' with other words that are very guttural but leave the accent on the 'ho.' Things like:
"skanky butt-ho" (from 7th grade)
"ho-face" (one I coined, but never used because it just sounds stupid.)
Now I say ho-bag. It is most effective with the Al Pacino inflection, as in "hooha" with the emphasis on the ho. See-so now it almost makes sense, right? Say it and you'll understand. It's a lot like Apple Smack.
15)"We woodn't even be harving this convershashun!"-This is part of the redneck accent I just recently found...it can be used with ho-bag if necessary.
16)"Just you wait! Just you wait!! I'm going to be famous! Yes- famous! Just like the Beatles!!"etc.etc.- This is from my Augusta/evil king from Dragonheart/Dead Guy from MP Holy Grail voice- there's a whole bit that goes with it... "I'm going to be a rock star!"etc.
17) And now...for a brief intermission- This is done in the Antonio Banderas/Vladimir Putin voice. I know, it's an odd combination, but it's not like I plan these things! Did I ever tell about that prank I was involved in at camp two or three years ago? (The Year of The Beast- I swear, that's on those Chinese restaurant placemats. Okay- well it ought to be!) So this was the summer before 8th grade, I think. Or 7th. Anyway, I was exchanging prank stories with two other naughty little drummer girls on my floor late one night past the dreaded Lights Out, and they dared me to call up the 4th floor (one of the three boy floors) and ask if they knew where I could find a sexy Latino. (this last bit had to be pronounced a certain way- the closest thing I can relate it to is the way Hispanic newscasters pronounce names like Garcia and Hernandez. You ever noticed that??) Anyway, if I did this, then they promised to do the 5th and 6th floors, respectively. So I did, but the counselors caught us making noise before the other two had to hold up their end of the deal. ("How conveeeenient," as the Church Lady would say...) But this prank was not nearly as bad as last year's. On the last night there is a dance till about midnight, and then you're supposed to go back to the dorms and sleep. Of course, nobody can sleep because they've just loaded up on caffeine and cookies! So I was in a room with about 8 other girls at two in the morning- and one girl's packing up her marching snare as we talk about how lame the counselors were this year. And that's when I get this idea- this sort of, "Wouldn't it be funny if we started marching down the hall with our drums?"
Girl #2: But we'll wake everyone up.
hahahah! That's the point!
Girl #3: Oh....I get it (a drummer, of course...)
All right then, let's go.
Anyway, I didn't have a drum, but I did have my kazoo- so here we were, one bass drum, one marching snare, one hand drum, a tamborine, a mouth harp, a kazoo, one of those slide whistles standing out in the hall, waiting for me to count them off. But then girl #3 starts cracking up, and about 5 doors open. So here's 10 girls rubbing their eyes and somebody says, "Hey- do you all know God Save the Queen?"
And a couple girls nodded. I say, "Good- we needed vocalists. Line up!" Ha! It was hilarious. We woke up the whole floor, not to mention the one below. When the counselors came out we all darted off to our rooms, and there were so many of us that they couldn't do anything about, although one girl told the counselor the next morning that I was the "ringleader." Ha!
How did I get off on that- oh Antonio Banderas. So yes- that's where this voice was born, even though it has just now been discovered in the past week and I can only say a few things, "And now...for a brief intermission," and "And now...for your dancing pleasure..." Ha!
18) "Sit down, we're watchin' POOH BEAH!"- It's a good one, too-Piglet gets lo-ost!
19) La Cucaracha Feste Style- Okay, we all know La Cucaracha right?? Well here are the lyrics- in Spanish:
La Cucaracha
La Cucaracha
Ya no puede caminar
Porque lefalta (sp??)
Porque no tiene
??????????????????? (Don't remember that...)
Okay- there's a second verse, and I don't remember the Spanish. But here's the English equivalent:
The Cockroach
The Cockroach
He can't walk
Because he's missing a leg
The Cockroach
The Cockroach
He can't walk
Because he's all out of marijuana. (I am NOT making this up!)
And now you know why Mrs. Bowman wouldn't teach us verse two in 4th grade and instead forced us to sing De Colores over and over and over and over again!
Sorry- the point is: here are my lyrics to the song- written first in Spanish, then translated into some sort of English with the help of Denise. The song is called The One-Legged Gypsy and Plutero. (For more information, see Main Street Story Pages.)
First in Spanish:
La Cucaracha
Burrito Basta
Yo no puedo caminar!
La Cucaracha
Burrito Basta
Tengo solo un pie!
And in English:
The Cockroach
Stop, donkey!
I can't walk!
The Cockroach
Stop, donkey!
I have but one leg! (actually, it translates 'foot', because pie sounds cooler, I think.)
Anyway, as my story goes, the donkey (allusion to Plutero) steals the gypsy's wooden leg. Don't worry- you're not supposed to get it. Amanda gets it, but it's much too difficult to explain to anyone else.
20) Gander- Well- it really means something near to ree-reeism....ha! Sorry- a gander is someone who behaves like Kate (Meryl Streep) does in Dancing at Lunacy. So, it's sort of expanded to anyone who's being uptight/self-righteous/or anal retentive. Or if (as is the case with Streep) you actually look like a gander.
21) dooky- drummer term used to describe a lame and/or unimpressive and/or generally annoying drum part or lick.
22) lemon icing and jailhouse rock- Okay, I just started saying this- kind of bizarre- I just like the way it sounds- it basically means "good."
23) sforzapyaniaonimozzz- This is what we call the marking sfp, which is something in Italian, I guess, like sforzando (sp?) but you immediately go to piano, right- well, we don't know what the hell the word is, so we just go, "sforzpyaaaanaiammsansoso" whenever it comes up.
24) rock fight- what the bass drums sound like every time they freaking play.
25) cheeky monkey- This is what I tell David he should be playing like when we get to Baba Yaga in Pictures at an Exhibition. We're monkey drumming this one part (it's a visual style of drumming that involves sort of whipping your arms and wrists) and I tell him, "It's gonna sound like this- pianissimo at first, and then the next two beats are a mother-of-pearl crescendo- dut-dut-dUT-DUT!!! Sort of cheeky monkey cheeky monkey! And then when you play this, you are the cheeky monkey, know what I mean? You're a cheeky little monkey. You're saying, 'Give me my f*%#@ carrot, bitch!'"
"I thought it was a banana."
"Cheeky monkeys eat carrots, Dave.
"but-"
"Play the figure, David."
26) mother-of-pearl- euphemism for mother-f*^%*^.
27) Beaver- okay, this is used as a verb- your sticks get all chipped up and then eventually break- this process of chipping is called "beavering." So you could say, "Man, those sticks are really beavered up! You need to calm down a little, buddy." Or, "don't beaver 'em too bad, they're brand new." You get the idea.
28)dookathon- variation of dooky- meaning a bad run-through of something, or something that needs cleaning up.
29) For the love of Nancy!- This can be used as either a general term of annoyance or frustration, or when talking about my eating habits. Jonny and Keaton use this a lot at lunch. (We had to watch a movie in Health class last year called For the Love of Nancy which starred Carol from Growing Pains as an anorexic girl.) Anyway, they say that if they don't think I'm eating enough. We quote from it all the time.
"Did you eat?"
"Yes. I had a bowl of rice-"
"NO YOU DIDN'T!"
Right.
30) Freakin' ree-ree- Well, this one has been around a while, I just have forgotten to add it officially. A ree ree can be a mama's boy, a loser, nerd- Andy Farmer and Weeter are ree rees. Also, most frou-frou things are ree ree too. Potpourri is ree ree. Right.
31)chut chut chiggita chut; digga digga burrr; diggita dee, diggita doo; and other assorted nonsense drum talk- The first one is a word that means, roughly, a good time of things. For instance, if a drumline practice goes well, you might say that it was three straight hours of "chut chut chiggita chut."
Digga digga burr is the name of an exercise that is usually called Chicken and a Roll. It's sixteenth notes, then double stroke rolls on those sixteenth notes, and yes, it sounds like "digga digga burrrrr..."
Diggita dee, diggita doo, is a bar from a cadence- it something the tenors play- I have to constantly hum this and show them, because they screw it up every time. So if someone says diggita dee, diggita doo, it means they are annoyed that they have to take a time-out to explain something either perfectly oobvious already, or after they've already explained it several times.
© 1997 [email protected]
Get your own Free Home Page