| 12 January 2002 Where are the women�s rights? Oscar Wilde once said: �Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.� With all the controversy over polygamy of late, WeekEnder hit the streets to find out whether the public thinks two�s company, three�s a crowd . . . or not. Story and pictures by LEE SIEW PENG Illustration by MOHD SALLEH Monogamy is rare in mammals, almost unheard of in primates. It appears to be a relatively recent invention of certain human cultures. � David Barash, zoologist The one issue everyone � from the boardroom to the kopitiam, and especially the bedroom � has an opinion on is back! (No, no, we�re not talking about the elections; still two years to go, folks.) Polygamy has been making wives, err, waves of late in local newspapers � People�s Progressive Party (PPP) Youth chief T. Murugiah caused an uproar when he urged the government to legalise polygamy for non-Muslim men. Hence WeekEnder, being a very informed, hip and up-to-date weekly (ahem!), went a-pounding the pavements for a quick street poll. So, does the Malaysian public think, the more, the merrier? Do we groove to the sounds of Only You, One is the Loneliest Number, It Takes Two, or Mambo No. 5? Winnie Chan, 25, client services executive, single I think legitimising polygamy enables one�s spouse to have a relationship with another woman without fear of legal prosecution. In other words, he would have the right in the eyes of the law. I�ve seen polygamy happen because the wife couldn�t satisfy the husband�s sexual demands; couldn�t conceive or wasn�t able to produce a son; or shared a special relationship with the other woman, and wouldn�t mind her as her �sister�. But I know women who are first or second wives, or mistresses, and things are very complicated for them. If the men are the ones who want to legalise polygamy, then we women should demand for equality in this. We too would like to have a few husbands, and those husbands of ours shall not have other wives or mistresses. S. Siva Kumar, 31, chemical engineer, married I think the proposal to legalise polygamy is merely to gain much-needed mileage for a dead party in the Malaysian political arena. What would persuade a woman to share her man? Ignorance, exacerbated in deeply rooted patriarchal societies, which encourages women to think inwards. Sacrifice is the most common theme employed, where a woman is considered �noble� for sharing her man. Polygamy leads to the disintegration of family structure. The women on both sides lose, once their physical appeal fades. They may feel secure now, but it is an illusion. Polygamy can only be allowed when polyandry is allowed. I�m sure polygamous men have the balls to let their wives choose whom they want to marry, right? Mike Lee, 31, engineer, single My mother was one of my biological father�s many conquests � so I guess that makes me illegitimate? I was lucky not to have any problems with my birth certificate. My mother isn�t educated; can you imagine the hardship she endured for the four of us after he dumped her? It made her bitter. After sharing in my mother�s troubles, it�d be ironic if I supported the concept of polygamy. Even if polygamy is legalised, can you guarantee that the children of the second marriage won�t grow up stigmatised? There�s just too much at stake, psychologically. Taking another wife, whether you can afford one or not, reflects a diminished sense of responsibility and commitment � to your wife, your marriage, whatever marital problems you may have. The issue here is not so much curbing illegitimate births or male sexual prowess, but empowering women. That a politician could even make such a comment surely shows up the paucity of legal protection and state of sexual politics in our country. On a lighter note: how many mothers-in-law do you want . . . ? |
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| What would persuade a woman to share her man, asks S. Siva Kumar. |
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| Zikri Fardi says polygamy is better than fooling around with women |