| Merissa Bee, mid-30s, writer/businesswoman, a second wife Polygamy must not be construed as only women sharing one man � we share our husband with his friends, hobbies and work. There are the children too. I was once a first wife but things did not work out. When my children began to be traumatised by my ex-husband�s coldness towards me, I knew it was time to get out. I got to know my current husband by chance. I won�t go into details, but I realised he was also not happy at the time I met him. Even before the emotional involvement set in, he was a true friend. As a fellow Muslim, he advised me to go back and try to make a go at my first marriage, for the sake of the children. We got married after almost two years. It was not easy. His first wife made life hell; began stalking me, even making plans to publicly humiliate me. Her gossip about me sometimes led to unwarranted interrogation. I take it in my stride. After all, if you are the second wife, what else can you expect, and being a divorcee to boot? People often ask, why be the second wife when you were the first wife before? Silly, stupid, what? But the classification does not matter. It is the perspective of the situation. It is what you make of yourself. Many think a second wife would clutch on to the husband, but I believe that a majority of us are married to these married men because we are their soul mates. I don�t wish to be the second wife, but circumstances are such. If my husband were to take a third or fourth wife? Then I have failed in providing him happiness and peace, and love. Thirumila Muthukamaru, 23, chemical engineer, single Polygamy happens because of lust, infatuation, ego and probably the fact that it is legal (for the Muslims). We should be able to find other means of solving women-related issues � education, for example. I have a friend who is occupied with work and can�t be around for her husband, so she agreed to him getting someone to see to his needs, but to be there when she needs him. Another friend is the child of a second wife. She tells me about how disturbed she is about sharing her dad with the first wife�s family. She feels neglected and deprived of fatherly love. She even fears approaching her father to start a conversation. There�s also hatred towards the father, which was instilled because she felt her mother was being deprived of love as well. Her father is moody all the time � probably because of the responsibilities of supporting two big families. Winnie Chua, 46, homemaker with three kids Polygamy will just erode moral values and discipline. With many wives, a man cannot focus on the upbringing of his children. You can say that once a man marries another, the family is as good as a broken home. There won�t always be equality and fairness. It�s a question of ego and libido. If you were an older man, wouldn�t you want to spend more time with your younger, beautiful wife who makes you feel good about yourself? If the older wife gives you sex once a month, the younger wife might be able to do it every day! I think men, once they�re rich, tend to change wives. Even if they don�t, who�s to say there aren�t pretty young things out there hoping to snare them? Printer Friendly | Email This |