October 27th 2002
Disclaimer:- Any resemblance to any person living,dead, or about to be born is NOT coincidental
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Readers Discretion Advised: This Issue is rated �R�, and may cause mental disturbance for normal people. Please do not drive or operate machinery after reading this issue. In addition, the Surgeon General warns that using a cell phone after reading this issue substantially increases the risk of your brain actually working. Children below the age of 13 may need �Parental Guidance� or Cocaine to cope with after effects.
MUDDY QUOTES
1." Believe me Guys, I am from Kerala. I really don�t care if you guys release water to Tamil Nadu or not�." - �Pandi� Arun (ECE �97) trying to convince agitated protestors of the �Forget Cauvery, We Wont Even Give you Our Sewer Water� Association of Karnataka.
2. � Mein Gott!! Dude, this �babe� really is a huge land mass��.you guys may even need to create a separate Time Zone for her�.. �. - Ramesh �Sugar Beater� CP�s (ECE �98) German room mate making sarcastic comments just after watching a Shakeela movie.
3. " I am sure I had finished this drawing yesterday, I probably used the �Vanishing Point Method��.. ". -Renjith �Thali� Lal (ME �98) explaining the reason for his CAD drawings turning blank in the morning.
4. �Ok guys, I may get laid off here, tell me who is the next competitor that you want me to work for�� " - Maheer �Despo� Manmohan (ME �98), explaining the layoffs announced by Texas Instruments during a secret conversation with Intel�s HR.
5. " This really is bad English, you guys need to change the name of your company first��� "
-�Pandi� Arun (ECE �97) explaining the �clinching� statement that won him the job at �i2 Technologies�.
6. � Its time to teach those freaking fundamentalists some �permanent� �Shavasana���� - Sunil �Yogi� Kumar, expressing his displeasure at the situation on the Indo-Pak border.
7. � From this year onwards, the �Best Chalian Award� award will be named �Best Christo Award��..� - Chairman of the current GCEK Union, paying tributes to the abilities of the dreaded Chalian, Christo �Core Group� Thomas (ME �98).
8. � I really thought all the songs on my album were good, that�s why I named it like that.� - �Vigaaram� Vinju (ME �98) in a response to a lawsuit on why he named his debut Malayalam Songs album �Greatest Hits Vol 1�
THE NEWS OF THE WORLD:
1. �Gujarat Riots- Kannur Connection Established�- Gujarat Police (Ahmedabad, OCT 2002):
Tension gripped the communally sensitive parts of Baroda and other adjoining towns after Gujarat Police revealed the presence of certain �Right Wing� elements from Kannur, Kerala, who were reported to be in town to create trouble on behalf of the Hindutva brigade. The Army had to be called in to stage Flag March at a few places to restore the confidence of the public. The Police raided a few places in the city and confirmed that a huge cache of �Made in Dharmadam� underwears and banians were seized. Meanwhile, Geethosh �Pachu� Narayanan (ME �98, the suspect in question, has denied any links to the happenings in the city. He said that, � Yes, I am a Right Handed Fast Bowler, but I am not a Right-Wing extremist�. He claimed that this is all the handiwork of certain �Psuedo-Chalians� from abroad.
2. "GCEKian issued Show Cause Notice in US (Florida, OCT 2002):
The FBI and the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) have jointly issued a �Show Cause� notice to Para �Osama� Vinod (ME �98) on why he should not be prosecuted under the new Bio-terrorism act. Apparently, Para had not taken bath since the last semester, and students were not showing up in his University complaining of �insanitary� academic environment. This is really a double blow for Para, coming after the recent notice issued by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) declaring his �Made in Taliparamaba� RUF and TUFF jeans a �Level 5 Bio-hazard�. Para was unavailable for comment.
3. New Association formed for Thiyya Boys- The Bharatheeyar Union (Kannur, OCT 2002):
In a major development that could polarize the unity of GCEKians along the basis of caste, a group of Thiyya GCEKians have formed the Bharatheeyar Union (BU), to offer better marriage prospects for Thiyya boys, besides promoting �National Integration�. Founder President, and CEO of the BU, Vikas �Ganu� Ravindran (ECE �98) said that all members registering before December would be offered Stock Options. He said that the goal is to have all Thiyya Girls send their photos and Resumes to him after which he would pick the best girl for himself and give the remaining to the other members.
Defending his decision to include �shady� Thiyya characters like �Annaan� Prajith (ME �98), �Kundan� Rijith (ME �98) and �Despo� Maheer (ME �98), Vikas said that for "obvious" reasons, �these people would be admitted only after they pass all Medical Tests� (Read AIDS test). The fledgling Union however received a jolt when Supreme Thiyya Stud, Navjith �Tight Fit Jeans� Chandran decided not to participate in their Ad-Campaign following a �change in priorities� (Read �I am getting Engaged soon, you guys can go to Hell�)
The BU has also been heavily criticized by the President of the Ultra-Orthodox �Nambiars can Eat Thiyyas for BreakFast� Association (NCETFB), Rajeevan �Lungi Team� Velayudhan (ECE �98). Writing in his weekly column for the �Lungi Times�, Rajeevan questioned the need for a Union for �these Toddy-Tapping, Tree Climbing Monkeys�. In reaction to these developments, Vikas has announced an immediate hike in his pay to cope with the �stress�.
4. �B.Tech� Muhad (ME �98) to lead Fact-Finding Mission to Godhra (Kannur, OCT 2002):
Veteran �Peace Maker� of the ME 1998 class, �B.Tech� Muhad has been nominated to lead a high-powered delegation of �Mayyil Intellectuals� to understand the real reasons behind the Godhra riots in Gujarat. A spokesperson of the �Committee for Non-violent Jihad� (CFNVJ) said that Muhad was nominated because of his ability to speak English and Hindi fluently. Apparently, this was the reason why the CFNJ had also sponsored Muhad as a Translator when they went on a �vacation� to Goa recently. Looking very excited and happy at the news, �B.Tech� told Kannurites that he would try his best to bring �harmony� to the violence hit state, and also promised to meet Geethosh �Pachu� Narayanan (ME �98) if he had a chance.
5. GCEKian creates sensation in Mumbai (Mumbai, OCT 2002):
Traffic came to a standstill in Mumbai when a famous �Suresh Gopi-ish� looking GCEKian (Read �Olips� Prashanth, ME �98) went �topless� on his balcony to �cool-off� his body after a Power-Cut. The move was immediately slammed by some critics as �Ek Chotti Si Publicity�, while others said that it was a �deliberate act� and in �poor taste�.
The incident caused many girls who saw him on the balcony to faint after gasping for oxygen. The Geological Survey of India reported that birds have stopped flying in the area after the incident. A PTI dispatch claimed that some Mumbai bound passengers of a Jet Airlines flight jumped out of the plane through the emergency exit after watching the spectacle from high in the air.
Meanwhile, an even greater catastrophe was averted when an alert section of the public prevented �Annaan� Prajith (ME� 98) and �Kundan� Rijith (ME� 98) from going �Bottomless� during another Power-Cut.
6. �Tips on getting Married�- GCEKian speaks at Seminar (Dallas, OCT 2002):
A topic uppermost in the minds of most GCEKians from the 1998 batch was discussed at a Seminar in Dallas this weekend. The main speaker at the Seminar titled �How to let your dumb-ass parents know that you are waiting to get Married� was none other than Rajeevan �Lungi Team� Velayudhan (ECE �98). In a no-holds barred speech in Malayalam, that was later translated in English for the public, Rajeevan said that 21st century GCEKians have to unfortunately put up with parents stuck in 20th century ideas. He gave some suggestions to GCEKians to get the �ball rolling� and let one�s parents know that �time is of essence� here and our �patience is not unlimited�.
The first idea that Rajeevan suggested was to dye one�s hair in White color, and then send photos of the same to one�s parents, and as he said, �Put a caption: I am close to Retirement!�. The second approach is to let ones parents know at least 6 months in advance that you will be visiting on vacation, and that your �next visit will be after 2 or 3 years�. If this also fails, Rajeevan said that one should accompany one�s Mom for shopping and tell her, �Remind me to buy a set of Crayon pencils for my GCEK classmate�s children. You see, they are already in Kindergarten school�.
Rajeevan was also ready for the Hardcore parents who have the �Don�t use the �M� word in this house until you are 30 yrs old� philosophy. Advocating a more direct approach in this case, Rajeevan said that these parents ought to be �laid off� for failing to discharge their duties. Rajeevan also suggested that the GCEK Alumni website "Gcek.Net" should carry a matrimonial section, so that it is easier for �truly nostalgic� GCEKians to find a soulmate. He said that having a spouse who understands the �S1S2 block� or the �Car Porch in Electrical Block� really helps in one�s married life. For more information, pls email [email protected]
Till the next time,
Chill,
Maheer
October 27th 2002 (---------------------For Kannurites or Desi-Dynamites-------------------------)