February 9th 2002
Disclaimer:- Any resemblance to any person living,dead, or about to be born is NOT coincidental
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QUOTES OF THE ISSUE
1." The next person asking me this question will get stabbed in the eye. For the last time, I am NOT pregnant!"
- Maheer "Despo" Manmohan speaking to reporters after embarrassing photos of his tummy was published by the paparazzi in the evening papers.
2. �I maybe Kottan outside, but I am INTEL inside �.
- "Kottan" Arvind speaking at "Ground Zero" after dedicating his new Driver�s license to the cause of � Liberty, Freedom and Justice�.
3. " This time, can you avoid the sight seeing and do some real work please?".
- A request overheard in New Jersey after a GCEKian (read Rajeevan, ECE 1998) had to visit the client site in US for the second time this year due to "technical problems".
THE NEWS OF THE WORLD:
1. WORLD AIDS DAY observed in January (Mumbai, FEB 2002):
In a major recognition for the acheivements and talent of a GCEKian, the World Health Organization (WHO) decided to observe the birthday (Jan 30th) of Rijith "Kundan" Janardanan (ME 1998) as World AIDS Day. In a press statement, the health body said that they could not think of a better way to create awareness about the dreaded disease. Reacting to the development, Riji, fondly called "Osho" by his admirers after his attempt to storm the Osho Ashram a couple of years ago (read Kannurites Issue 1) said in Mumbai that he was honored and satisfied with the recognition. He also called for "caution" and "restraint" among the public. "Annaan" Prajith was not available for comment.
2. "Olips" Prashanth injured in Cellphone accident, recovering well (Mumbai, FEB 2002):
"Olips" Prashanth (ME 1998), the winner of the "Best Dressed Person" award at Calypso '98 was involved in a major cellphone accident last week, and is stated to be out of danger. Also known as "Well Dressed Olippan", the veteran Sugarbeater had been making phonecalls on a borrowed cellphone when his fingers got stuck in the keypad. VSNL sources said that this could be due to the new "Smartchip" developed by Texas Instruments to detect "OC" call makers who misuse the cellphones of others. Apparently, Olips was using one such phone when the accident happened. Doctors at Hinduja hospital have refused to confirm if Olips can use cellphones for at least another month, but admitted that he would be devastated by the news. More reports are expected.
3. "I am a split personality" - Sunil "Yogi" Kumar (Bangalore, FEB 2002):
Sunil "Yogi" Kumar (ECE 1998), the simple minded sanyasi who was famous in GCEK for eating grass and plant roots besides his absolute disdain for clothes broke his silence at a news conference in Bangalore last week. The man who had caused a flutter years ago by claiming he had invented the question mark said yesterday that he was a split personality, and that this was the reason for his weirdness. Asked to elaborate, he said that one personality was an idiot, while the other was a moron. He said that he had spent years studying different languages and claimed that Spanish and French is basically the same as English, but with a lot of spelling mistakes.
The press conference however, ended on a sour note when the journalists present unanimously shouted "Against" to his threat of "You are either with me or against me".
4. GCEKian Ramesh CP featured on Discovery Channel (Virginia, FEB 2002):
In an obvious attempt to boost his popularity ratings among chicks, Ramesh "Sugarbeater" CP (ECE 1998) appeared on the Discovery Channel last week, trying to clarify some issues for the masses. Speaking on the program called "Unsolved Mysteries", Ramesh admitted that his MS course was not "lagging" as in GCEK, but he was doing it on purpose. He said that he was still single and open to any chick who was brave enough to check him out. Admitting that he had used "dirty tricks" in the past, he said that one of the tactics he likes to use is to click "reply to all" in all the emails that he receives. He claimed that he had made "friends" with many girls that way. The other tactic he said is to use nice sounding names when chatting on Yahoo- for instance, "Rahul" or "Harsha". He claimed that "Chicks dig these names".
On a more serious note, however, he issued a threat that he was actively considering a Phd program. The threat had a immediate effect on the stock market with Tech stocks taking a nose dive at both the NASDAQ and the NYSE. A spokeswoman for Texas Instruments (NASDAQ:TXN) said that "Ramesh has deceived us again. We hope he will graduate soon and join us". The only stocks to benefit from the news were ethnic "grocery store" Indianmasala.com (NASDAQ:PICS) and Yahoo Chat Inc (NASDAQ:GIRLS).
5. "War on Terror should target Rajesh TS" -Maheer "Despo" Manmohan (Arizona, FEB 2002):
In a scathing attack on the "one-sided" nature of the "war on terror", Maheer "despo" Manmohan has asked the "global coalition against terror" to take note of individuals (read Rajesh "senti" TS) who deceive "innocent girls" by means of their "senti" dialogues. In a most hostile statement, the founder of the failed website "onewaytraffic.com" expressed hope that the allies would take note of his concern, so that future generations of chicks (read Sandhya) can be free of the burden of senti dialogues, enabling them to decide things of their own free will. In a straight forward and honest request, he said that senti dialogues are like "googlies" and should be banned from campus.
In a setback, however, his attempts to get Valentines day declared as "World Tragedy Day" was rejected by the UN.
The mysterious "spammer" who harassed email users around the globe with his "technical questions" has been nabbed. Police in Bangalore have refused to name the person, but said that he does not pay bills in hotels, buses, tea stalls etc and revealed that he was in the news recently for his agitation to get an email ID (Read Vikas "Ganu" Ravindran).
Some of the "technical questions" included: "Do I have to stand near the computer when I put it on StandBy?", "What do I feed my mouse?", "What if my mouse pees on the keyboard?", and the classic "Can I bring a cat near my mouse?". Apparently Vikas had called the Police this morning and surrendered after he got a message on his web browser which read "This Program has performed an Illegal operation and will be shut down". Vikas said that he was a law abiding citizen and did nothing wrong and took the perfectly reasonable step of calling the Police when he saw the message. Sources said that Vikas might seek the help of computer expert Sunil "Yogi" Kumar for his defense.
Till the next time,
Chill,
Maheer
February 9th 2002
(---------------------For Kannurites or Desi-Dynamites-------------------------)
