September 2nd 2000
(Any resemblance to any person living,dead, or about to be born is NOT coincidental)
SUNIL S. VISITS GARDEN CITY TECHNOPARK (Bangalore, September 2001):
Sunil S. (ECE '98), the charming ASP programmer from CTS Chennai concluded his "technical evaluation" visit to the Garden City yesterday.Earlier, on arrival at B'lore, he was given a 21 gun salute by the special commandos of WIPRO technologies. After his discussions with the Karnataka Chiefminister and WIPRO CEO Azim Premji, Sunil undertook a tour of the famous WIPRO site in Bangalore.
Later, talking informally to newsmen, Sunil said that he was proud of the contribution of Mallus, in particular GCEKians to development of the sofware industry in Bangalore.
Sunil also said that the issues of the common man should not be forgotten in the rat race to develop better software and technology.As a case in point, he pointed out the hardships faced by people travelling by train on the Chennai-Bangalore sector, and strongly urged the Government to take steps to reduce the travel time between the two cities.
When newsmen pointed out the disruption of the rail traffic in the Chennai-Mangalore sector, Sunil said that the route was not in his "area of interest" anymore (See Kannurites Issue 2 for details).
MUMBAI OBSERVES HARTAL, SITUATION TENSE (Mumbai, August 2001)
The dog that had bitten "Annaan" Prajith (ME '98) last week has passed away. Family sources said that the end came at 0240 hrs this morning and it was witnessed by close friends, including "Olips" Prashanth. Apparently, the incident occurred at a suburb of Mumbai,when "Annaan" started unprovokedly abusing the dog in his typical style. The enraged dog started biting "Annaan" without realizing the folly, and soon started limping its way to the Hinduja hospital, where it was in coma for one week.
Our Special Correspondent: Shops in Mumbai downed their shutters and observed a hartal, and there were incidents of stone throwing from a few places. When contacted, "police" Abhilash (ME '98) said that the situation was under control, and steps were being taken to ensure that certain elements (read "Kundan" Riji) did not take advantage of the situation.
QUEEN ELIZABETH CRACKS CHALIS, ENQUIRY ORDERED (London, September 2001)
At a stormy session of the House of commons yesterday, the British government ordered an enquiry into the sudden and unprecedented increase in the "chalis" cracked by the Queen. Although the Buckingham palace has issued denials to the contrary, observers have not failed to notice the particularly "sub-standard" nature of the Queen's chalis. Diplomats said that the jokes were of a "tropical" origin.
In an unrelated incident, the MI 5 (Military Intelligence 5) reported the sighting of a tall, lanky youth wearing a COGNIZANT TECHNOLOGY SOLUTIONS T shirt (read Sarith) sneaking out of the palace last week.
"KOTTAN" ARVIND WELCOMES NEW INTEL PROCESSOR (Sacramento, September 2001)
Former 1998 batch allrounder, and Kannur's man of mystery (see Kannurites Issue 2) "Kottan" Arvind has welcomed the new P4 Intel processor.He said that on account of its superior processing and multi-tasking abilities, this would definitely be a big boost to people who are planning to get married with a short notice. "Kottan" pooh-poohed the claim of the researchers at Intel that it would add more "musculo-vascular" abilities to a person, and said that what really impressed him was the ability of the processor to handle multiple problems at the same time. He condemned the reported research of Intel to add "dancing" and "singing" features to its processors, and said that such wanton acts would lead to swift retaliation from his fans.
It may be recalled that quite recently "Kottan" was in the eye of the storm over his suing of a doctor and the subsequent riots in Raleigh, NC (see Kannurites Issue 2) .
WHITE HOUSE INVESTIGATES CONTROVERSIAL JOB OFFERS (Washington DC, August 2001)
The White House has confirmed reports that investigations have been ordered into the job offers of two individuals who graduated with their MS last Spring. While a section of the press suggested that "Kottan" Arvind's job offer was actually sponsored by competitor Texas Instruments (read Maheer) for "strategic advantage", others felt that Maheer's job at Texas Instruments was offered to "ward off" evil eyes from falling on the company.
The issue has sparked a media storm in the country, and the FBI had to be called in to calm enraged fans of "Kottan". When contacted over the phone at his vacation spot in Mardi Gras, Ramesh CP ("Sugar Beater"-ECE '98) refused to comment on the delicate issue.
RAJEEVAN CONCLUDES "WORLD TOUR" (Somewhere in North India, September 2001)
Rajeevan "Iskul" Velayudhan (ECE '98), has concluded his "world tour" to Agra, Lucknow, and Delhi. When posing with his famliy members in front of the Taj Mahal, he said "Ithilu enthappa veliya kariyam?" (What is the big deal in this place?). He said that he was disappointed that the Saravana chain stores did not have a presence in North India, and lamented the absence of good "quality" shirts in North India (see Kannurites Issue 2). He dismissed the claims of Archaeologists that the corpses of Shahjehan and Mumtaz had shifted in their grave after learning about his trip.
Meanwhile, the daily newsmagazine "Aaj Tak" reported an increase in the sales of Malayala Manorama, and Mathrubhumi in the Northern region of the country. The analysis showed that the Hindi-speaking public had picked up Malayalam considerably after Rajeevan's trip.
VIRGINIA FINALLY ALLOWS DRINKER'S ASSOCIATION (Virginia, August 2001)
The state of Virginia has finally allowed the forming of the Virginia Drinker's Association (VDA). Founding member Ramesh CP ("Sugar Beater"-ECE '98) who is widely acknowledged to have led the crusade for recognition said that it was the happiest day of his life.
Speaking at the inaugral function with fellow Mallus from CET (College of Engg, TVM), Ramesh said that the "class struggle" to get recognition for drinkers has finally acheived success. He said that Friday nights would never be the same again, and exhorted the masses and all his fans to be open about their beliefs. Later, the VDA members distributed free "We Love KP JAYAKUMAR" T-shirts (former "veteran tank" of MH).
Former MH (Men's Hostel) drinker Maheer was conspicuous by his absence. He later issued a press statement saying that he was protesting Ramesh's statement that Beer-drinkers with "tummies" would not be admitted to the function and the association.
DASHING ROYAL MECHian GETS MARRIED, WORLD RELIEVED (Hyderabad, August 2001)
In a surprise move, a "respected" former member of the Royal Mech '97 batch got married in Hyderabad recently. Various women's organizations have welcomed the event, and at a candlelight march at the Charminar last week, some of the marchers were seen holding banners reading "OK girls, its safe to come out and play again!" and "Another one bites the dust".
The incident had international ramifications when a "counter" march organized by ex-roommate (MH Rm 212) and former opening batsman of the GCEK cricket team (read Moota) at Chicago turned violent. "Moota" was hospitalized, but refused to sleep in the hospital bed, complaining of "bugs".
Till the next time,
Chill,
Maheer
Sept 2nd 2001 (-------------For Kannurites or Desi-Dynamites-------------------------------)
