| ~The Ballad of Calamity Rainy~ � by The Magus Pull up a chair, and let me tell you a story. I used to be the Robber Prince of the Old West. I tell you I was there before even Jesse James! Yep, I was the best... I was a feared marauder in any county, alright. I plundered Arkansas, Texas, New Mexico, you name it. Then one day I pulled into town with my gang. To sit and drink a bit. The sheriff turned yellow and ran when he saw us coming. The saloon froze as I strode in, playfully twirling my colt. I picked a full table and tipped my hat at those boys... And sat down as they got up to bolt! The silence was unusually long even for my entrances. I turned and there she was her bad self, Calamity Rainy! I started to get up when my gang grabbed my hand, asking: "What are ya, crazy?" I said, "I must meet that lady." I went up to the bar. So I tipped my hat, bought her a drink, used my manners. She downed her drink in one gulp, that gal's eyes were fierce! Oh she gave me the stammers! Then this other fellow came up and said, "Rainy's MY girl." I tell you, she grabbed him and sent him clear through the wall. Then Calamity Rainy just picked me up over her shoulder... And carried me out like a doll! Calamity Rainy rode off with me still over her shoulder. Me, the Robber Prince, who just came in to sit and drink a bit! I heard later the town was going to organize a posse to rescue me. Then decided I just wasn't worth it. And that's the story of beautiful, wild Calamity Rainy and me. I used to be a great outlaw, and now you youngins might scoff. But I tell you, as bad as I am, I know well enough... Not to get Calamity Rainy pissed off! |