| Mosaic Column This was written in spring 2001 for the Miss Porter's School newspaper, Salmagundy. |
| In a lesbian relationship, is there always one who�s more like a man? Do you worry about being beat up? You don�t look gay. What do you think of Eminem? I don�t care what you do, I just don�t want to hear about it. Isn�t it hypocritical for you not to tell your grandparents? How do you know for sure? These are just some of the questions and statements I�ve received in 3 years as an out student at MPS. When diversity is discussed, it is often in terms of how we should learn from each other, how people of different backgrounds and opinions need to share themselves with others in order to celebrate their differences and appreciate what they share. This is a nice idea, but in practice it can be exhausting for non-white, non-Christian, international, and non-heterosexual students who find that other people�s curiosity can make cross-cultural �sharing� a one-way street. Have I been enriched through conversations about Zoroastrian beliefs, the Korean school system, or the word �ghetto�? Is the common journey towards understanding furthered when I explain the so-called causes of homosexuality, or the significance of the pink triangle? Of course. But I often feel like a walking textbook. I�ve accepted that being an out lesbian, combined with my commitment to social justice, means giving myself to everyone who needs me, helping wherever I can be useful. But what I enjoy most are reciprocal conversations where I can offer not just my �outsider�s� perspective as a lesbian, but everything I have to give my friends and my community. I never wanted my lesbianism to eclipse my whole identity. I thought that coming out meant being honest in day to day conversations not just about politics, but about weekend plans or my friends outside of Porter�s. I want my community to know me an appreciate me not just as an activist, a lesbian, or co-head of Spectrum, but also as a dancer, a silversmith, a Haggis/Baggis editor, Salma writer, folk music enthusiast and more. Each incident of ignorance I�ve experienced has taught me that we need more discussion of difficult issues, not less. I believe we all have a responsibility to keep teaching and learning even when we�re tired, even when the discussion is painful or we feel like we just answered that question yesterday. The solution is not to stop talking, but to continue talking past the questions you first think to ask about an acquaintance�s home or culture so that you can know her as a person, not just a label. |