| "Get this child some food!" "Chicken Wings!" Nov. 9 2003 |
| I consider myself an armchair connoisseur of chicken wings. I say �armchair� because I�m sure, somewhere, there is an actual board of chicken wings where people do nothing else but prepare, taste, grade, promote, and otherwise worship the tasty things. Hey, you know, that actually sounds like a pretty great job. But heck, if there is a prune council (yes, it does exist folks. I�ve provided a link at the bottom) then there just has to be a chicken wing council. While I�ve not quite reached that level of professional chicken wing obsession, I have eaten a darn good number of them from quite a few different places and I think I know what�s what in the world of the chicken wing. I would just like to point out, though, that although I know what is a quality wing and what isn�t, I haven�t got the foggiest idea about how to cook them. Every attempt has thus far ended in firey disaster. Now with that out of the way we can proceed into the realm of the delicious. As far as I�m concerned there are three types of chicken wings, separated by what form the flavoring is in. The very best kind, in my opinion, is the kind where the sauce is thick but not syrupy, sweet but spicy, and poured all over the things. It�s usually a dark red in color. The second best is the kind with the sauce that is thinner, much lighter in color, and runny. It�s sort of like spicy, tinted water. The third kind is the wing that has the flavoring baked right in, almost like breading. This kind is hardly worth mentioning. It's like the black sheep of the family, the mad scientist living in his mother's basement that nobody ever talks about. I�m of the opinion that it�s the sauce that matters the most, followed directly by moisture and then by the size of the wing. Size does matter, to an extent, but taste far outweighs it in importance (oy >< ... remember, I�m talking about chicken wings here. Chicken wings!!!). For example, there is a place that has this yummy, sweet, spicy sauce that is right up there as one of the best I�ve ever tried, but their wings are so so tiny. I can�t imagine chickens that small. It�s really kind of freaky to think about this breed of mutant miniature chickens running around. I wonder if they�re bred for reconnaissance. Mini ninja chickens... they could be under the bed as we speak! I�m sure by now I�ve convinced you of my expertise and you�re waiting on the edge of your seat for my best and worst list. I shall not disappoint you. The best chicken wings I�ve ever had were from Mark�s, a little pizza place in Hamlin, New York. They had that great, rich sauce, and they were nice and big. Perfect. Running close behind is New Yorker Pizza and Wings Over Albany, both from Albany, New York. The wings from New Yorker are quite similar to Mark�s, but they�ve got an interesting herbal quality to them. The ones from Wings have that lighter kind of sauce, but they�re the most enormous chicken wings I have ever seen in my life. It�s almost like they come from turkeys or something. Maybe they�re mutant sumo chickens? The worst wings were undoubtedly from either Pizza Hut or Domino�s. They�re a complete waste of money. Don�t even bother. And now, for the dismount... Hmm... I�m getting hungry, and that�s making it hard to concentrate enough to conclude this sucker... Well then... *picks up the phone and orders some wings* prune council link |
| Sekhmet: I'm hungry too. Thoth: Yes, that certainly did sound appetizing. Sekhmet: *stares at Thoth intently, licking her lips* Thoth: What? What is it? Sekhmet: Here birdy birdy... *advances slowly* Thoth: Hey now, just a minute. You can't be, uh, hey now... Heeeeelp! |
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