The dog sniffed uncertainly around the object on the footpath, it looked safe enough. His sight was dark and hazy, most of the true perception came through his nose. He sniffed again, it didn’t smell like a dog, or something that would eat him, but still he hesitated. Deep inside him, some long forgotten instinct was desperately trying to warn the dog, but his bladder was putting forward a much more urgent argument. The dog shrugged in the way only a dog can, and cocked his leg.

Jim woke up with a start, his alarm was beeping furiously. He tried to focus on the time but the clock seemed to be visibly jumping around in and out of focus. The world zoomed in and out, and his head began to ache. He looked at the bed stand, an empty bottle of vodka.

"The usual criminal." He thought sourly, he tried reaching for the clock, and bringing it closer to him. After four attempts he succeeded and wrenched the powerpoint out of the wall. Swearing angrily, he kicked the bed stand sending the bottle of vodka in a careering and angry path to the ground. It shattered, he swore again.

Stretching and yawning, he carefully climbed over the glass and reached for his watch hanging on an old rusty nail. He strapped it on and casually glanced at the time. Two minutes later, Jim opened his door and began running down the street, letting the springs do their work sending the door crashing back into place.

As he got to the end of the street, he stopped and began frantically checking all of his pockets in his bright red uniform and then realised what he was thinking. He knew he would forget something, Jim looked back at his house but shook his head. The time seemed to be burning a hole in his wrist, he knew how late he was, and Krillin wouldn’t be impressed.

Jim shrugged resignedly, turning down a short lane. As he sprinted, he felt the urge flow through him, he knew he had to go. Once he got there he was puffing heavily, his eyes were jolting out of focus and he could only think about one thing. The stadium was a few blocks away, he could see its huge walls stretching up over the horizon.

"Work." He thought to himself, shuddering and turned his head. There only a few hundred metres away, he noticed a small sign hanging out of a shop. "Toilets available", a wide grin stretched across his face and he began to make towards the shoe in large strides. He didn’t even see a dog inspecting an unseen object on the ground as he marched past.

Comrade Yamada stood to attention outside the north gate of the huge stadium. He was trying to stand tall, in correct position with hands by his sides, but unfortunately the small Japanese man was wrestling with an urgent call of nature. Hunched over desperately, he stared in vain into the horizen, where was Jim.

With great difficulty, he pulled out a small red cell phone and called a number.

On the other end of the line, a perky female answered, "Hello Comrade, I am sorry but Comrade Miller is tied up right now."

Krillin tried desperately to shout over the symphony of giggles, "Laura, do you know where Jim is, I really need a replacement."

"I’m sorry, only Comrade Miller would know that and he is certainly…tied up right now." She giggled again and hung up.

Krillin swore loudly in Japanese but as if someone was watching him, looked around guiltily. Shaking his head, he settled back into the best position he could muster. He attempted to cross his legs while in the attention stance unsuccessfully. Suddenly, he forgot about his mounting bladder problem and stared as a long limousine made its way up the street.

It was reasonably early, the stadium roads stayed deserted most of the time until night when they filled incredibly with those who wanted to hear the General’s speeches. Krillin stared and felt oddly worried, he quickly reached for his phone.

The phone rang unbelievably slowly. As it slowly rang, the huge car seemed to be moving faster towards him. After what to Krillin felt like an eternity, Comrade Miller picked up. He was breathing heavily, "This better be good Comrade."

"Miller, Sir, there is large limisi…limo…limo…" Kri

"Limousine Comrade?" Interrupted Miller impatiently, "Wh…"

Suddenly the phone went dead. He stared at it for a moment and then dropped it. The limousine was getting closer. He stared at it as it approached, clutching his rifle uncertainly. Something was extended out of the window, it was a long barrel of some kind. For a second that lasted for an eternity Krillin stared perplexed, and then everything seemed to switch into fast forward.

It began pumping out small lead bullets they began to spray around him. His thighs immediately burst into pain and he fell to the floor, heavily. From behind him, a large amount of gunfire had begun being exchanged. Three men dressed completely in black were carrying an unconsious man flanked by four others shooting at the other guards.

He stared at the unconscious figure, it was the General; they were taking the General. Flinching with the effort he drew his automatic out of his pocket. They were backing out of the gate beside him, he clumsily loaded it and feebly took aim. A man dressed in black dropped dead, he stared in amazement at his feat. The machine gun swivelled around and pointed at Krillin.

The bullets pumped into his body with a sickening pump after pump. In a moment of satisfaction, he realised he would never have to think about his bladder again and then he was gone.

Dogs have developed into one of the least intelligent animals on earth. Through years of domestication, they have shed most of their basic instincts, in favour of methods of dealing with their human overlords and providers. She wondered, in her usual absent-minded pattern of thinking, how far the depths of its stupidity went.

From the perspective of a human onlooker, the object could have been mistaken for a small bush, maybe even stepped on if one was not really paying much attention. However on closer inspection, one would note the small eyes, and even smaller snout on the tiny creature, and perhaps more importantly, the unbelievably sharp solid spike, which by no mean could be mistaken for a small bush on impact.

The warm, smelly liquid began to engulf her. Looking up, in a mix of disbelief and pure horror, she discharged her long spines into the source of the liquid. In a moment of pain that the dog could have never imagined facing, it squealed higher than it ever had and began limping across the road with surprising speed. Inside, the now well remembered instinct smiled smugly at the bladder.

The porcupine cringed as its spines slotted back into position and it stood up, trying to shake unsuccessfully. It looked over at the dog, something was approaching it at a fast speed, something big and strangely dark. She nodded approvingly as it seemed to stop somehow and flip a few times, hitting a large wooden fence.

She shrugged and turned her head. Something was happening ahead of her, a strange human wearing a bright red uniform, seemed to be gripping something and making his way towards the site. Two black suited men were clambering out of the remains of the fence, desperately dragging another unconscious one.

This was starting to get interesting, it seemed the two humans saw each other at the same time. She watched with interest as Jim dived onto the concrete, held his automatic carefully and with pin point accuracy, shot one of the men in the head. The other dropped the body and began sprinting down the street. Jim shrugged and began to make his way over to the car. The General was just alive, he could see that, he would have to get him to a hospital and fast but the worst was over.

The porcupine watched the red coated man carry the unconscious one away and smiled to herself. That looked as near enough to a happy ending as there could be, she mused to herself, humans and their funny ways. She started shuffling her way down the street. Crossing the road, oblivious to the car’s swerving, she suddenly felt the need to go and crouched down quickly.

The truck driver didn’t even notice the slight bump, as the porcupine was splattered across the road.