This was not the case for me. I am the second child of Naheed Ahmed and Maftoon Ahmed. I have two other sisters, Aisha and Erum. Aisha is the oldest, and Erum is the youngest. For what I know, Ammi (mom) and Abu (dad) were happily married. Abu had a high position in the government and he was able to marry Ammi. Ammi belonged to a very high society family in Hyderabad. Ba (grandfather) was the top criminal lawyer of the country. He also owned lands in Morro, a city about 200 miles from Hyderabad. He owned 1500 acres so he was a big shot. Abu took Ammi to a lot of places in the world. They traveled many countries, through Europe, Asia, Africa, etc. They even went to places like Afghanistan and Iran, which is very hard to do nowadays.

We owned a house in Islamabad that Abu built. Ammi got pregnant there for the first time. When she was a few months pregnant, she comes home one day, and finds a doll sitting inside the house. She picks up the doll, and suddenly started having enormous pain in her body. She was taken to the hospital and had a miscarriage. This was very shocking to both Ammi and Abu. It seemed like somebody did some black magic to destroy the baby. Black magic or Voodoo is common in Pakistan. There are competitiveness and jealousies. People do bad things to each other to gain positions and materials. There is an old myth that you can do Voodoo on somebody, and what they might gain, they won't and instead you will get it. That could have happened to her as somebody else might have wanted a child, she had a miscarriage and that somebody else got a baby.

She had another miscarriage after the first baby. Then finally she got a child. They named him Aamir. He was the first child in our family, from Ammi's side. Ammi had three brothers and two sisters. The oldest sister had four children. We didn't have any children in the family after Ammi's oldest sister's children so it was very exciting. Aamir got very sick when he was six months old, and was taken to the hospital. The nurse forgot to feed him at the right time and he passed away. This was very shocking for Ammi and Abu.

Aisha, my oldest sister was born on 28th May 1971. The moment she was born, both Ammi and Abu, especially Abu, spoiled her. We have pictures when Abu is taking her around in his arms all the time. Everyone loved her. Ammi's family also loved her. After all the tragedy Ammi and Abu went through to have a child, they couldn't help but really appreciate what a child can bring into their lives.

I was born in Islamabad, Pakistan on 17th August 1973. Abu was doing really well. He loved me a lot also. What else could go wrong? Strong career, beautiful kids, loving relationship between husband and wife, were all part of a complete package. When I was born, somebody told Ammi to not name me Bilal. They told her that it is a very heavy name, and I will go through a lot in life. Ammi said she doesn't care and she really likes the name Bilal. After I was born, we moved to Lahore because of Abu's work. Ammi was a housewife and took care of the kids. We also had Anwar, who was our servant. He was the caretaker for me. Aisha had her own caretaker. In Pakistan, it is very easy to afford drivers, and servants that will drive the car or take care of the house. We lived really well and could afford a lot of luxuries.

Abu smoked quite a bit. Sometimes, up to two to three packs a day. He had trouble with his heart also. In 1974, we moved to Lahore, and there he had a heart attack. There seems to be some contention with him and his sister's husband. His sister's husband had taken money and was harassing him for some reason. Abu was emotional and couldn't handle it sometimes. He was very good to Ammi, but had trouble with him family. He was the most successful of his family, and took care of them. He put his brothers through school and helped them towards success. They had moved from India and settled mostly in Karachi. Only Abu lived in the Islamabad and later Lahore area. With his heart attack, he was very scared. He told the doctors that his kids are very young and they need him. Doctors couldn't do anything for him and he passed away.

They say when dogs can sense when people's death is around the corner. Dogs can sense the angels coming down and taking the soul away. Ammi says that before his death, there were dogs in neighborhood that were crying for few days. It was a sad feeling and there was depression in the air. Abu had already put our house in Islamabad for rent before his death, and we lived in Lahore. After his death, Ba (grandfather) told Ammi to come and live with him in Hyderabad and he will take care of her. They both had a very strong connection and Ammi really needed him at that point. Before Abu's death, Ammi was pregnant.

Ammi was very depressed when she moved to Hyderabad. She would have a gloom on her face all the time. The society in Pakistan cannot deal with the fact that somebody's husband has died. Right at that time, the social pressure puts the person down, almost like a lower class has developed. This was the relationship of her and her family. Nanu (grandmother) and the rest of the brothers and sister treated her wrongly. They always put her down, saying over and over that she is a widow and she has orphan children. They always asked her how she is going to take care of the children. They told her to remarry, but she loved Abu a lot and wouldn't do that. She said if she remarries, the new father might not be good to us, her children. Her sister took her around Hyderabad once to try to persuade her to have an abortion. When Ba found out about it, he was very upset. He told everybody to stop mistreating her. Even one of Nanu's brother asked Ammi to give him her baby. He couldn't have a child. Ammi didn't agree.

Erum was born on 23rd July 1975.

Chapter II
My eyes opened early, because there were some great expectations for me. Ammi always wished and prayed that one day, I will be successful, and make her proud. All of her sorrow and misery, starting from Abu's death to taking abuse from her own family, will then go away. It made her pray even harder and dream stronger. She always looked like somebody that is holding a lot inside, a lot of intensity, but still kept a cool composure and never over react. How can she over react anyway, when she was not even living in her own house? Much of the great expectations came from living in our grand parents house, which were well known all throughout Hyderabad. At that time, anyone could go to Hyderabad, and ask where Ijaz Hussein Agha's house is, and they will tell exactly where it is. Ba saw how the family was treating her, and told her that she can't live there for long. He said after he dies, Nanu will be horrible to her so might as well start preparing for tomorrow today. In Pakistan, people think about their deaths quite a bit. I believe that comes from being Muslim, where the religion teaches the value of death, and how it will come sooner or later. The goal in life should be not to be scared of death, but live life with fulfillment so there is no guilt at the end. If a person has prepared for the death, then hopefully the right decisions will have to be made so that there is no regret at the end.

Ba was a lawyer, so he inspired her to be one also. Ammi had a Master's degree in Arts, which was not much of a value. She started taking law exams, with the help of Ba. Our house in Islamabad was rented out, but then taken over by the renters. The renters won't leave the house and won't pay the rent either. This is a very common practice in Pakistan. She stayed calm till she finished her law degree. Later, she went and fought for the house and got it back.