childtherapy

A new Reality through Child Therapy Training:

I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do next, so I registered myself for Child Therapy volunteer work. Didn't know what to expect, just wanted to do some volunteer work. Learned a lot about self through the process. A little too much... So, I will try to explain my thought process, as this is the best way to find self. Very harsh realities, but sometimes we need to hear the truth from somebody else's mouth. So, the therapists provided amazing insights, that were very beneficial for my own growing process. I give the therapists a lot of credit for their knowledge and patience.

So the first question that I ask you. If we want to love our children dearly, why don't we get proper training for child development before we have kids? Not a touch question at all...

A child's personality is influenced to a great amount by the surroundings. The earliest when the child has the senses in a workable state could be 3-4 months old. At this age, the child has started to adapt to the surroundings. The child is aware of what emotions, love, caring are available. At this stage, love is the biggest need.

The child grows a little more. When the love is not there, or if the love is such that is not acceptable for the surrounding, then the child will start to build walls needed for it to function. The walls are a very critical path that it needs to take in order to survive. A wall is nothing but a fake illusion of an ideal reality which is not present otherwise. A wall is a strong entity, and is hard to break over time. The child is very protective of this wall, because it thinks of it as the protection for it's own well-being. The wall resides in the sub-consious mind, and the actions are visible in common interactions with people. The walls are more visible to other people, than the child itself sometimes. The child only sees it as a defense mechanism.

An example would be that the child is hurt by another person. The child starts to not care about that person at all. The child wants to stay away from that person, or it's own well-being is threatened. Maybe that other person did change over time, and not have the same behavior, but the wall has already been created by the child. It will take certain amount of work, several years of work in some cases, to break that wall, and bring the trust back into the child's life.

So what does the walls create? The more the walls, the more the idealism. A fake reality is the best reality. So the more the walls, the harder it will be for the child to be satisfied in later years. There will be an illusion that something is missing in life because the idealism is there. Most people don't realize that rather than wanting more things, the missing pieces of childhood need to be identified and accepted.

So the next lesson in Child Therapy is understanding patterns. Once we get comfortable by the fact that children do face harsh realities, we need to break the patterns that create those circumstances.

A good starting point is to draw a family tree. A family tree can go upto 3-4 levels, and shows the form of the family. Grandfathers and grandmothers, their ancestors and siblings. Our parents and their brothers and sisters. Our own self connected to the family, and our brothers and sisters.

Do we see a pattern? Before further analysis, let's do another exercise. Our own life events, from childhood to now. Whatever can be remembered. Do we see any patterns?

Are there good patterns and bad patterns? Always. Bad patterns, tough to deal with, because they create anger and frustration. It is hard to see a not so idealistic pattern, in an idealistic world. How do we deal with the fact that some of our patterns are not so pleasing? We create walls!

So patterns and walls are very tightly coupled. Now that we know how to analyze patterns and walls, we can start creating a new reality for ourselves. The reality is formed by accepting the fact that YES, things do go wrong. Now it is our turn to make a choice. Do we continue with the patterns that are available to us? Or do we change the patterns, so that our next generations are most pleased with our efforts. Not just giving us respect for taking the courage, but also to change the patterns so that their own lives are most fullfilling.

Idealism exists in some, and that is defined by self. Some people are happy with what they have. They have not much to ask. Some people are not, so we go out to gain more knowledge to find the true meaning of happiness. But unless the past mistakes are learned from, and dealt with, how do we create a new future? Already, I hope that we are able to see our own mistakes through the above two exercises. There are past mistakes and faults in all of us, which sometimes we don't like to admit in public. What about self? How do we lie to ourselves? I would like to learn that one :)

Anything that is out of the ordinary, creates a new reality. If we don't do it through knowledge, nature allows us to learn it by ourselves. Learning ourselves take time, so why not read about these knowledges so we can get to the place we want to be, faster? Self-realization is necessary for our future well-being...

Bad patterns also create good results. For example, the child of a depressed mother becomes responsible. Now, even though the reality is not so pleasant, the result is good. Being responsible is a great trait. So the pattern needs to be analyzed by self, and needs to be looked at in a positive way. This way, we can identify both the good and bad traits that are formed through it. Remember, bad traits need to be delt with, otherwise, how do we survive and be sane? An anger here, creates an anger there...