run to gain what we want
make our excuses
to latch to our securities
How much sadness we will hide
and create our security
the security that moves
the current day
The four birds that come
to my window
all with different shades
and different moods
Show me how to be sad
and happy, the right way
sadness is not emotion
sadness is mind
How many people I will think
before I think myself
These words I write
I will remember
When I was a child
I looked out the window
And I asked my grandfather
to come and pray
Now I still look
outside the window
ringing bells
in my ears
Making me realize
that all I have is me
I don't need anyone
but myself to make it through
Through the road I choose
which I think is my way
But the way has hurdles
that I must overcome
The hurdles are of my mind
that I will correct
Again I listen to the trumpet
to gain my victory
What is good?
Good is for me to discriminate
my own thoughts
my own actions
But sometimes I can't discriminate
So I pray for clarity
hope to let it go
Let go of my fears
I know the time has come
to help me move forward
All I have to do
is to let it all go
My own insecurities
My biggest enemies
That I try to defend
I loose, start again
Hope there is no solution
or I won't move
Sometimes not moving is good
make me see better
I wish I can write words
that nobody can see
make me more confident
in my own abilities
Caring too much
my own enemy
loose the touch
of my abilities
But then I realize
What am I?
A little kid
A torqoise behind God
Hiding, shivering, praying
asking, looking
And then He comes
to show me ways
The idealism I asked
He returns
making it not so ideal
that I want to see
Too much sorrow creates idealism ...
Too much intensity creates sorrow
Burden that I take
makes me not be
How many things I do
to gain something
not knowing
how to loose something
lose is important you see
or how will we be
scared like me
sitting alone, and not be
So I say to myself
to write what I want
let the words decide
what the outcome will be
Letting go of the mind
is a beautiful thing
helps me see
my own flaws
But when I read them again
I will remember
this day that I write
what the day did bring to me
next block ..up right
to shut my own mind
sleep is sometimes not enough
for me to hear music
A wake up, look at the sky
sometimes it is pink
sometimes it is blue
and sometimes it is yellow
What this day will bring
I should let it
Who knows what tomorrow brings
we will see
Because tomorrow is my security
that I must let go
all my dreams
why not?
Because what will be, will be
I should not try
but accept, to what it is
or I will fall
Falling is in me
when you look at me
I would like to fall again
till I know how to fall
That day I won't run
I will stay
will hold pain
with no action
What a day this is
I will remember
to accept myself
now I must gain sympathy
The sympathy I don't gain
because I look strong
but then I stay inside
write these words
Who will know?
What I am?
If I don't show my pain
because then I can't relate
I stay aside
left alone, to gain myself
which could be
I don't know what
I am struggling
but I pray
The Word will come
when I am not listening
My body is in pain
but I ignore
because in my mind
I am strong
but what does it take
for me to be weak
I must realize
or I won't be
I think this is what
I must learn
to have my people
talk less of me
The less that I cannot deal
because I am weak
I accept this weakness
that's what I like to be
I need sympathy too
The sympathy I give
He gives me sympathy
but what about His people?
People I care
but then I forget
what about me?
Do I know how to be happy?
The happiness that I think
comes from others
but if I can't be happy
how will they be?
I don't know my answer
but I have hope
Hope to find my true self
that I came here for
That day I will read
my own thoughts on this page
Remember the lessons I learned
before I went away
It's ok
that's all I must say
OM, Allah, God
may be with me ...
copyright @ by Bilal Ahmed 2001
