This is probably the hardest choice you will ever have to make. I don't want you to feel even worse, but it is very important that you understand that this choice has life-changing consequences, just like the choice to have sex in the first place. I also want you to know that you are not alone.

When you are pregnant, your body goes through some changes that tend to make you more emotional. One minute, you may feel trapped and cornered, the next you're fantasizing about what you'll name your baby. This is normal and it will eventually recede but for now, you will just have to put up with it. When you are on a downswing, you are probably contemplating abortion or adoption, on an upswing you are probably contemplating motherhood and/or marriage. The trick is to figure out what you can live with when this is all over and it's no easy job.

I'm here to simply point out the realities and challenges each choice will bring you and it's up to you from there. You are the only person who really knows what you're going through and you are the only one who can make this choice. It helps if you take what I say and tailor it to your specific circumstance and personality.

I chose to keep my baby and marry the father. Time will tell if we were right or wrong. This is not something that I generally recommend, especially if you are 16 or younger. There are always exceptions, but generally speaking, when you're that young, you need to finish your own childhood before you can guide someone else through their's or before you can build a stable marriage.

Being a mother is more difficult than anyone who isn't can imagine. It is very painful in little ways that can last for years as little by little you are confronted with what you have had to give up for your baby. It is a huge responsibility. You are responsible for an innocent little life. Each word or action issued from you as a parent can potentially affect your child forever and that's not the end of it.

You have to put your child first. Children as a rule are self-centered because they aren't mature enough to understand that other people have needs as great as their own. This isn't to mean you must spoil your child, this means that if money is tight, you feed and clothe your child first. If time is scarce, you spend it with your child before you take time for yourself.

Children demand all of you, every last speck, and as a parent you give it, especially when they are young. It's about sacrifice and if you aren't ready to sacrifice everything for your child, you aren't ready to have one.

Don't misunderstand me, though. Just because you may not be ready to have a child right now doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you wrong or messed up or anything like that. As a matter of fact, if you are a teenager, it makes you normal. Most teenagers aren't ready to have a baby and that's good. Not being ready isn't wrong but keeping the baby when you know you aren't ready is. Your baby deserves the best chance at life that you can give him or her; even if that means giving her to someone else.

So far as marriage goes, it may sound terribly romantic but the reality is so much harsher. Marriage is an every day challenge, just like parenting. It takes openness, maturity, stability, commitment, love, honesty, trust and a lot more. In short, getting married as a teen and building a strong healthy marriage is possible but not likely. You need to be reconciled to this fact before you can even begin to consider the possibility of marriage and so does your potential mate. You will have a host of other problems to consider on top of parenting and while I believe every child should have a mommy and a daddy, many times in crises pregnancy situations this is not the best way.

If you both consider these options and find them both impossible, there is a third option which will benefit all parties involved but also has it's own downside.

Adoption can be a wonderful blessing in a situation like this. Ideally, it allows both the mother and father to finish growing up, it allows the baby a stable home with two loving parents and it allows a childless couple an endless joy that they have probably been endlessly seeking. No doubt in most cases the adoptive parents want a baby right now even more than you don't want one right now.

The downside is that adoption can be emotionally painful and it is hard to go through 9 months of pregnancy ending with giving the baby to someone else. In most cases, however, I believe it is the best for all involved, especially as the years go by. Also, it's not what it used to be. Now the birthmother has a say in the choice of parents and sometimes the option of a sort of relationship with updates and in some cases even visitation.

I really think that you should consider this carefully and not reject it out of hand. It takes more love, maturity and courage to go through with an adoption than it does to have an abortion. I have to say that I have an endless respect for every mother who has gone this route, especially the one who gave me my husband.

The fourth and last legal choice to consider is having an abortion; something that I don't feel is a real solution. This, like all the other choices, has it's own unique consequences. The so called upside of abortion is that you don't have to go through the whole pregnancy, although you do have to go through a type of labor. The father doesn't have to worry about responsibility because with an abortion, you take it all off his shoulders with the possible exception of a few hundred dollars.

In my opinoin the guy deserves to help you deal with this. He got you pregnant; it takes two you know. If it took two to get you there it ought to take two to get you out. Men should take more responsibility for their actions. After he helped get you pregnant do you really want to just let him get off scott free? Women let men off the hook by getting abortions so men can go their merry way and impregnate someone else. Don't let anyone take advantage of you like this! You deserve better. All women deserve better!

Abortion has a definite downside as well, especially if you have religious or moral beliefs against it. The baby dies, for one. If you are wondering, yes the fetus (baby) does feel pain. (Stop by Silent Scream for an ultrasound of an actual abortion performed by Dr. Nathanson, former pro-abortionist) It's a medical procedure and with all other medical procedures it has risks for another.

It's also isolating and in most circumstances becomes your 'dirty little secret', especially if your parents aren't in on it. A lot of women choose abortion because they are afraid to let others know that they are pregnant. The problem with this is that the abortion becomes a wall between you and your parents and friends. You no longer trust others because they weren't there for you in your time of need. They couldn't be, you wouldn't let them, but somehow you blame them anyway.

In this situation, the pregnancy is always a part of you even when it's abruptly ended. If this is what is making you consider having an abortion, then I beg you to reconsider.

Another thing, abortion is almost always a painful procedure physically and it can result in infertility, death, emotional and physical scarring and/or a diagnosable disorder called Post-Abortion Syndrome (PAS) which includes a whole host of mental symptoms including depression, guilt, anxiety, anniversary reactions, thoughts of suicide, mental instability, a nearly overpowering urge to get pregnant again, nightmares, hostility, distrust, anger etc. (It's a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Remember Vietnam?)

Some people say that this is very rare if it even exists at all but there is plenty of evidence that suggests it's more common than previously thought. Some studies estimate that up to 80-100% of post-abortive women suffered some sort of emotional trauma from mild depression to full blown attempted (even rarer succeeded) suicide. Some women felt fine up to ten or twenty years after the event only to break down or go through a period of depression seemingly without reason. I'm telling you this not to scare you but to make sure that you understand what you would be taking on.

If you are considering an abortion, I strongly suggest that you thouroughly research it before actually having one. In this respect, treat it like you would any other medical procedure finding out what it is, what it costs, what are the risks and is it right for you. Read up on pregnancy and fetal development so that you know exactly what you are doing and aren't at risk for serious misgivings later in life. Think about it this way, if seeing pictures of developing babies and realizing that you are actually stopping a beating heart with an abortion bothers you now, how much more will it bother you after it's too late? Make sure this is the best thing, don't let anyone take advantage of you. Go to several different sources from both sides of the debate to get a rounded picture.

When it comes to this, don't let anyone talk you into doing something that you don't want to do. Not even your parents or the father. There are maternity homes who will help and there is always your local Crises Pregnancy Center waiting and willing to help in any way they can.

If you don't believe me regarding the negative consequences of abortion, (by the way, having an abortion uninformed makes you more likely to suffer those consequences yourself), read to shed some light on the subject.


There are many more resources out there and I encourage you to look. I have shared those only to show you that anyone who tells you that negative or painful consequences from abortion are exceedingly rare or nonexistent does not know what they are talking about. (No offense intended)

If you want more info or if you just want to talk, email me at [email protected] Good luck to you, I know that you can make it through this.