“Oh shit!”
 Cosmo fell to his knees as the energy he’d just directed outward snapped back like a taunt rubber band, searing through his body.
 “Cosmo!” Ace caught the teen before he pitched forward, cradling the trembling body against him as his friend fought to breathe.
 “Breathe, Cosmo, slowly... deeply,” he urged calmly, letting his voice move soothingly. Ace had learned early on that Cosmo depended on the calm, confident tone of his voice. He now wielded the ability with all the skill of a surgeon.
 Cosmo’s breathing hitched, then he exhaled, letting out a low groan.
 “Hurts, Ace,” he rasped against the older man’s shoulder.
 “I know, here.” Ace eased Cosmo back onto the practice mat, cradling the young man’s head as his fists clenched against the residual magic churning in his system.
 “Breathe.. that’s it, Cosmo,” Ace urged, letting his hand rub lightly over the pain etched face. Cosmo nodded distantly, trying to relax, his breathing slowly evening out.
 “Better?”
 Another nod.

 “Yeah, thanks,” Cosmo whispered, eyes still closed. Damn! That was two spells that had backlashed. This one was worst than the Shatter. Much worst.
 “Do they all hurt, Ace?” he asked miserably. Was it just him, was the problem in him that magic backlashed? It would be, knowing his luck.

 Ace smoothed his fingers across one pain wrinkled brow.
 “No, not all. Most times, with experience and practice, spells that backlash now won’t in the future. Others, however, never lose the trait,” he said somewhat apologetically. It wasn’t his fault that Cosmo was sensitive to the magic force just as he was, but he still felt bad for the young man. Magic was the last thing he had wanted; it seemed unfair to have an unwanted gift that also bit you occasionally on the ass.

 Cosmo winced and tried to breathe, feeling suddenly sick of it all. Why him, damn it? He didn’t want this magic, never had wanted it. He had it, and he was trying to learn to use it, but it always hurt.
 “Cosmo,” Ace breathed worriedly as his partner squeezed his eyes shut, tears of frustration gathering at their corners.
 “I don’t want this, I never wanted this!” he rasped, all the pain and frustration flowing out no matter how hard he tried to hold it in. Cosmo felt a hot tear escape and was ashamed, ashamed he couldn’t do better. Be better.
 “God Ace, sometimes...” his voice caught. “Sometimes it’s so hard.”
 Ace wiped away the tear and rested his hand on Cosmo’s trembling shoulder, squeezing gently.
 “I know, Cosmo. I know,” he assured, but his friend shook his head fiercely. His face pained no longer by the magic, but the emotion.
 “No,” he coughed, “No you don’t, Ace,” Cosmo went on, eyes still shut, not having the strength, the courage, to look at his partner, and hating himself all the more.
 “I want it to end sometimes, Ace,” he went on.

 Ace shivered. That couldn’t mean what he thought it meant...
 
 “Sometimes, oh God, Ace, sometimes I think of ending it,” Cosmo went on, his own churning emotions shielding him from the shock that coursed through Ace, the magician paling completely.
 “End it, just to get rid of the magic,” Cosmo continued, trembling from the confession. “I’m sorry,” he whispered “I’m sorry.”
 
 Ace was too stunned to react. He could only sit for a moment. Breathing was even difficult. He never knew. Never! Ace knew Cosmo had trouble with the magic, still disliked it to some degree, but never... No! Lose Cosmo? The thought couldn’t even lodge in his mind. Refused to lodge there.
 Not for the first time Ace wished he shared Cosmo’s empathy. He could have seen this darkness on the young man’s soul. Helped.
 Ace shuddered again. God, what if Cosmo had never told him? What if....?
 “I’m sorry, Ace,” Cosmo whispered again, opening his eyes, tears tracking down the sides of his face. “Just.. I just want it to end sometimes.”
 “No,” Ace whispered fiercely. “It’s not the way!” he added hotly, looking into the wet, gray eyes, willing Cosmo to feel his love for him. The teen shook his head.
 “Ace,” he whispered miserably, the pain still there in the pale gaze.
 “Never leave me,” Ace hissed. Pressed feverishly. “Please, never leave me, Cosmo.”
 The young man’s jaw quivered. “I... I..”
 It was too much, too much for Ace to bear. Cosmo had fought the pain alone, had dealt with the demons on his own, but it didn’t need to be that way. It shouldn’t be that way!
 “I just want it to stop...” Cosmo whispered and it was the breaking point for the magician.
 Ace swooped down, caught Cosmo’s mouth in his own, pressing hard, desperately against the teenager’s lips. He felt a shudder of denial travel through the younger man’s body as his arms wrapped tight around him.
 Ace poured everything in the kiss, letting his tongue trace lightly over Cosmo’s mouth, asking entry-- needing entry.
 With a shudder the walls broke and Ace rocked back as Cosmo’s arms slammed around him, clutching hard at his back. Cosmo opened to the kiss and returned it, their tongues entwining in the hot heaven that was his partner.
 Ace felt fire run through him to the entirety of his being as he explored ever nook and cranny of his partner’s mouth roughly, the fear pounding through his veins driving his need to reassure, to be reassured. He put everything into the joining; his love, his fears, his desire into the raging kiss that left him gasping as they separated.
 “I love you,” Ace whispered, staring deeply into the wide, amazed eyes. “Never leave me.”
 Cosmo quivered and launched at him, the older man rolling with the impact, the younger coming out on top as Ace found himself flat on the practice mat. His mouth was assaulted and he did not resist as Cosmo initiated the kiss this time.
 Oh God. His brain went to mush as the inferno burned straight to his loins, Cosmo’s tongue dancing with his own in the hot embrace. Oh God!
 Cosmo broke free breathlessly, shuddering against him. Ace felt his partner’s heartbeat pounding in time with his own as he draped languorously across him.
 “Ace,” he whispered in his ear and Ace groaned as he heard the heavy need and desire laced within his name. He felt his younger partner’s hard-on pressed against his thigh and his own manhood was straining tight against the fabric of his pants, but no.. they couldn’t... Cosmo wasn’t legal age.
 “Please... Ace,” Cosmo begged softly, dropping his head and tracing his tongue along Ace’s ear. The older man shuddered and another groan escaped him.

 Ace’s desire was a hot brand across Cosmo’s mind, entwining with his own voracious thoughts, as he slipped a hand beneath Ace’s jacket, letting it rove across the solid planes of his partner’s chest.
 “Ace,” he whispered again, pleading. He didn’t know what to do, but he knew he wanted to do something.

 Ace shuddered and fought for breath. No, they couldn’t, no matter how much he wanted to... and oh God, did he want to. Cosmo wasn’t of legal age. It was too dangerous. Too risky. He would do nothing to jeopardize Cosmo. Do nothing that might separate them.
 “Cosmo, please,” he rasped, trying to pry the young man away. “We can’t, not yet.”
  Cosmo trembled, eyes wide and begging. His mouth opened slightly with his heavy breathing and Ace nearly gave in again. Dear Lord, he was beautiful, hair as wild as his spirit.
 “Please, Ace,” Cosmo's voice trembled with the need.
 Ace felt the strain of trying to resist. If this was hard on him, there was no imaging the effect on the empathic teen, dealing with both his own desires as well as the emotional echo of his aroused partner.
 “I want to, Cosmo, never doubt that. I love you, but we can’t, not yet,” he panted weakly,

 Cosmo pressed himself closer, quivering. Oh God. He wanted Ace, so badly. Needed him. The magician was the only thing that kept him sane. He was the only thing that made the magic bearable. Him. Him alone. Cosmo wanted to show him that need... that love. To feel it returned, to be reassured that all of this wasn’t in vain.

 “Cosmo, I love you, but we can’t.. not yet,” Ace continued, fighting his own desires as his soft words ruffled his young friend’s hair.

 Cosmo knew they couldn’t; on one level he knew they damn well shouldn’t, but that part of his mind was very small compared to the part that burned with Ace’s and his own desire. It poured over him, consuming him like a wildfire.
 He whimpered at Ace’s denial.
 “Ace,” he tried again, mind all but gone in the hot rush of mingled arousal, desire and fear.

 “Soon Cosmo, soon,” Ace assured trying to get a reign on his own emotions. It was the only way to pull them out of this before they both went over the line. Ace gasped as Cosmo’s mouth came across his neck, sucking gently at the nape. Oh damn, this was not easy.
 “Cosmo, no,” he whispered. “Soon... soon.” he promised. Cosmo lifted his head and looked Ace straight in the eye, and the predatory gaze shook him to the core.
 “I want you, Ace,” the younger man rumbled seductively, eyes boring straight into his brain. Ace had dreamed of those words, had woken up wet to those words alone and a low moan escaped his lips.
 No.. they couldn’t...
 “Soon,” he croaked weakly, body rebelling against him, wanting to join Cosmo in a scorching passion.
 Too much at risk, he argued desperately with his libido. Too much, even here in the safety of their home.’
 “Soon,” he promised, somehow managing to shift Cosmo off of him. The teen did not go willingly, a cry of denial escaping his lips. It tore at Ace’s heart.
 “I love you, Cosmo, but we can’t. Not yet,” he pressed, reaching out and cupping Cosmo’s cheek in one hand. Cosmo leaned into the caress with an enticing sigh. He turned slightly and caught one finger in his mouth, sucking at it gently, shuddering as Ace’s desire rocketed through him anew.
 Ace closed his eyes as he felt Cosmo’s slick tongue entwine around one finger. This was not working! He had to do something and it sure couldn’t be what he wanted to do. Which was to stripe Cosmo naked and explore ever inch of the hot, horny, young man.
 “Cosmo.” He coughed, took a breath and tried again. “I need you to do something for me,” Ace went on as Cosmo’s lips traveled to his wrist.
 “Anything,” the teen whispered, voice heavy, alluring.
 “I need you to put up a shield.” It was their only chance. Ace was quickly loosing his battle with reason as his partner pulled slightly away, the gray eyes flashed in disapproval.

 “No,” Cosmo rasped. The last thing on the whole damn planet he wanted to do was shield himself from Ace. He could not conceive of cutting off the blistering rush that came with every thought from the older man that sent shivers of arousal to his very soul, amongst other places.

 “Please, Cosmo,” Ace pressed. If he could get Cosmo to put up a shield up, perhaps he could calm the young man enough to stop this.

 “No.” It came out a feral snarl. Never! He wanted to feel Ace’s desire, his passion. He wanted to feel everything, feel ever shudder and tremble. Wanted to feel Ace’s hard climax again, this time knowing it was him that brought that fiery rush. It was all he could wrap his thoughts around. His desire. Ace’s desire. The need to continue, to complete himself with the man he loved.
 Cosmo turned his attention to trying to unfasten Ace’s white silk shirt, hands trembling as he fought with the buttons.

 “Do it for me, Cosmo... please.” Ace caught the questing hands and clutched them possessively as Cosmo looked up at him, desire dilating his pupils so far that only thin rings of gray showed. Sweet heavens... He could just imagine what it would be like to give into that hungry gaze. Once again his body and thoughts betrayed him, only the fear that they could be separated if someone found out kept him strong.
 Same sex relationship was not the problem. A relationship with an underage teen was.
 “Please.”

 Cosmo trembled, then let out a painfull sigh. He could not deny Ace. He never would deny Ace. If Ace wanted him to put up a shield that badly, then he would.

 Ace waited breathless, amazed he could even focused past his own beseeching arousal to feel the magic currents shift as Cosmo relented.

 It was like a light switch being thrown and Cosmo shuddered as the shield formed around his mind, the hot, overwhelming pressure of Ace’s own desires all but disappearing behind the magical wall. This didn’t damper his own desire to ravish his older partner in the least, but it certainly moved the emotions from the realm of the instinctual to a saner level.

 “We can’t, Cosmo. Not yet,” Ace whispered gently, not certain if the shield had helped, but hoping. He’s own will was quickly evaporating.
 “Ace,” Cosmo breathed heavily. “I... know.”

 He shuddered. He did know, but he didn’t care. Couldn’t care. He loved Ace. He didn’t have the courage to tell him, was afraid to tell him, lest the bubble break and this dream come to an end, but he wanted to show him. If only he could show him...
 “I’m sorry, Cosmo,” Ace offered apologetically. “I know I’m not making it any easier.”
 Cosmo shook his head. “Still want you, Ace,” he rasped softly, looking deep into Ace’s eyes.

 “I know and I want you. But not yet. We made a promise, we have to stick by it,” Ace returned, finally getting a handle on his own libido enough to talk half-way sane to the young man. Cosmo let out another groan at the denial and buried his face against Ace’s shoulder.

 Damn, he couldn’t get anything right. He knew they couldn’t. Even in the privacy of the Express they couldn’t. The risk was just too much to dare for the reward. Damn!
 “Sorry, Ace,” he sobbed softly. “Sorry I nearly screwed up.”
 “No... no, Cosmo, it’s okay. You’re not to blame. I.. when you told me... Cosmo, please, never hide such things from me,” Ace said urgently, lifting Cosmo’s face to him. “It scared me so much, Cosmo. Just the thought of losing you... It’s the same reason I can’t let us do what we want to do; not yet.”
 Cosmo nodded miserably, fresh tears gathering in his eyes.
 “Screwed up,” he muttered.
 “No,” Ace hushed, catching one droplet as it fell. “You didn’t screw up. I did. I was so afraid when you told me how you were feeling. I let my own emotions get this started, my own desires,” he went on breathlessly. “I love you, Cosmo! You can always come to me when you feel this way. When your hurting. I want you to come to me.”
 Ace gathered Cosmo to him, kissing his forehead gently.
 “Never leave me. I’ll always be here to help you. I can’t stop the magic from hurting you, but I can comfort you when it does hurt,” he said tenderly.
 “I... I won’t leave you, Ace,” Cosmo said softly. “It gets bad sometimes, but...I.” His voice caught and froze for a moment, then he looked up. The warm gray eyes watched him, hanging on his every word. Suddenly, it seemed right. He could do it. Had to.
 “I love you, Ace,” he whispered. For a moment he waited for the world to fall apart now that he had actually said it.
 It didn’t.
 Instead, Ace bent down and graced him with a gentle kiss to his trembling lips.
 “Thank you,” Ace whispered, tears of joy, not pain, glistening in his eyes. “Thank you,” he said again, hugging Cosmo tight. “I love you.”
 Cosmo let out a breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding and returned the tight embrace. He’d done it. He’d said the words and the world hadn’t ended. Ace still loved him and he him.
 “Man, it’s so hard,” he muttered, the desire still raging hot in his body.
 “In more ways than one,” Ace shot back lightly. Cosmo groaned, not with desire, but at the bad pun.
 “Oh man that hurt,” he moaned dramatically.

 Ace laughed and ran his hand gently over the red head.
 “Come to me, Cosmo, whenever your hurting, or in pain,” he requested gently.
 Cosmo smiled slightly, looking up. “I will, though I’d rather come to you when I’m hot and bothered, Ace,” he quipped. It was Ace’s turn to roll his eyes even if that was exactly what Ace wanted.
 “Soon enough, Cosmo, soon enough,” he sighed.
 Cosmo chuckled, then sighed. “Dude, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a birthday to come this badly before.”
 Ace hugged him again, relaxing back and starring thoughtfully at the ceiling.
 “I promise to make the present worth the wait,” he assured. Cosmo let out almost a purr at that and he shivered at the sound.
 “This present’s not just going one way, Ace,” he rumbled seductively. “Just you remember that.”
 Ace groaned at the delicious thought, shutting his eyes, picturing the moment.
 There was no way in hell he could forget that.
 No way.