Survivor: Harlem
Jerk #1: I thought you were on my side you slut?!
Slut #1: I'm not on anybody's side. I'm only on my side. I don't play on anybody's team. Not even my own!
Fag: (with ultra gay lisp) GUYS! Can we stop fighting! Our team is soooooo behind in points. And if that's not bad enough I am just soooo sweaty. I'm going to go sit naked in the sand and cool off because I am not just crying out for attention because exploiting my homosexuality is the only thing I have in life to...
Survivalist nut: I swear if we don't find any food soon I'm gonna kill the cameraman eat him starting with his upper leg...AAAAUGHHH I NEED TO GO KILL SOMETHING NOW!
Fag: (In between sobs) I'm tired of just being here for the gay demographic...(sob sob) I wish people treated me like more than a quota...(sob sob) all I wanted from this show was to be around a bunch of sweaty unwashed men in the jungle...(sob sob) it's like my dream episode of elimidate and I get to keep all of them...(sob sob sob)
Slut #2: Maybe that survivalist nut will cut out cry-baby's tongue and eat that first. Now who wants to go...
Fag: WAAAAAAUGH!!!! (sob sob sob sob sob) I'll never find Mr. Wrong! WAAAAA**AAACK (slumps to the ground dead)
Survivalist nut: (munch munch munch) Chewy.
Okay, so I got a little bit carried away in my plot summary of the show but I think that we can all admit that if the show actually did go like that, it would be a lot more interesting. I can't see it ever getting dull. Unfortunately that isn't how it goes and thus it is utterly boring. I don't even really consider it a real survival show because the network isn't really going to let anybody die out there or starve to death so it's not like they are in any real danger. You know what would be a great idea for a Survivor?
Eight or nine contestants or however many they usually use are dropped into the worst section of Harlem dressed only in colors that will piss off everyone that actually lives there. Watch as they look for fresh sources of Meth and Crack to sell. If they get voted off, they are sold into prostitution to pay for their Blow addiction. Of course the first order of business is getting some firepower to protect themselves from the native gangs. I would watch that one. Heck I would tape every episode of it and watch it over and over again just to see stupid people get eliminated from the rest of humanity. I think I need to go wipe my eyes because that thought is just so beautiful. Unfortunately for you and me no such show exists and so reality shows such as Survivor, Big Brother, The Amazing Race, The Bachelor, and countless other crappy reality shows exist. Another great show would be The Amazing Race from the Bachelor in which the most hideous bachelor (think someone that looks like Mick Jagger) is set up with twenty beautiful girls.
The catch is that he has to catch one of them or else he stays single and thus the beautiful girls do everything short of hiring a contract killer to prevent themselves from being caught. I'm not sure how many more reality shows I can take seeing advertisements for before I just snap completely. You want reality, tape a video camera to your head and walk around all day and then watch the footage. Although if your life is that empty that you obsess over the characters and somehow feel connected to these people like they're your friends, well, perhaps that would only lead to your suicide once you realize that you have no real friends. We live in reality people, we don't need a bunch of television shows to show us people behaving like depraved animals. I can see that on my block any day of the week.
