There is a lot of music that I hear played every now and then in stores and in the mall and on the radio that make me scratch my head. Not because I don't understand the words or the meaning of the song - assuming it has one - or anything like that. What boggles the mind is why on earth this crap keeps getting played? It sucks. For your reading pleasure I have compiled a list of songs that I think take the cake for stupidity. I commence (these are not in any particular rated order). This song is by far one of the most overplayed songs I have heard in a while and I don't even listen to rap. Since I don't listen to rap, how could I have heard it? The people I work with from time to time have the radio on a local crappy rap station (a redundancy) which boasts itself as being "Number one for continuous jams" meaning "we play the same crap over and over until your sick of it." I've seen the video on TV once late at night on UPN. The song is absolutely stupid. Let me give you a sample of the lyrics: This song I heard whilst a friend of mine was flipping through radio stations. He told me that you know a song is bad when out of nowhere, without even thinking about it, you just start making fun of the song. I knew what he meant so I got a copy of the mp3 of this song and it is simply horrible. This is yet another song of a guy trying to use bad rap (is there any other kind other than Eminem who actually has some depth) to make everyone think that he is the baddest guy around. If everyone in "da hood" already knew that and everyone else knew it, he wouldn't have to have some other guy with a gay name like "Nitty" promote him because everyone would already be thinking "Young Joc! I want him to make me his slave! He's the man! I would give my left kidney to be jacked in the face by this guy!" Here is an example of how this guy acts: I like my version a lot better. I don't have too much to say on this one since any song where the phrase "Good Googly Moogly that thang is juicy" is repeated eight times in a row for the chorus deserves to be mocked and ridiculed. This is just another song about treating women only as sex objects and describing them in almost pornographic terms. That takes absolutley no talent whatsoever. Any guy on this planet can do that. Here is the last part of the song and I will warn you that this is graphic even for me and I've seen A Clockwork Orange: If there was a song that I absolutely detest more than any other, this song would be near the top of the list if not THE top of the list. I make it no secret that I hate the Blackeyed Peas no matter how many people with bad music taste love them. This song is just another example of the double standard of sluts who go to clubs, seduce men, and act indignite if the man treats them like the slut they are acting like. For example the lines: Yeah, I know that's not a song it's an artist. Figure it out. I'm getting tired of doing this so this will be the last song I discuss. Musically it's a decent song, not a great song but decent. It's clean and it doesn't objectify women or brag about how much supposed money they supposedly have whilst living in the middle of abject poverty. What it is though is the song about the dumbest man alive. I'm sure you're wondering how I got to that conclusion. Don't worry. I plan on going over this song thoroughly enough. The song - other than being about the dumbest man in recorded human history aside from 50 cent - is about a man who falls in love with girl but realizes it was never meant to be. That's what everybody figures. But it's a bit dumber than that actually. I will now begin to systematically shred this song. The first clue that we have about this moron are the lines: I'm going to assume the second instance due to later lyrics. The next line which seems to indicate his arrogance that he's so hot and worth having that he can steal her away is "I won't lose no sleep on that,/Cause I've got a plan." Apparently the plan is - from what I gather from the video - is to show the world what a whiny little nancy boy he is by jumping off of a glacier (why a glacier I don't know) to his death. Really not a good plan, especially not for the glacier who has to put up with James doing somewhat of a quirky striptease before killing himself. Still not satisfied with making fun of this song let's look at the second verse where he says: Now for my paraphrase of the events: James sees a girl on the subway and she is with her boyfriend/fiancee but James probably doesn't realize that yet for some weird reason. James and the girl make eye contact. Being polite she smiles and gives an acknowledging nod. For her that is the end of the story. James however begins to live in his Candyland fantasy world and comes to the following conclusion: "We made eye contact and she smiled. Oh my goodness whe shared a one second moment! She's the one for me. I have this feeling that an angel from heaven planned all of this and that she should rightfully be my girl!" Then James' opium induced fantasy world comes crashing down around him with the following realization. "She's with another man! But she's mine...how can she possibly cheat on me like that...and just after sharing that moment of brief eye-contact together? I guess I've lost. But we will always have that moment together. I'll never forget it but...I can't seem to live without her. I know what I have to do to get her back! I'll kill myself by stripping on a glacier and jumping to my death. Then people can see just how dedicated I am to girl I've known for 30 seconds. That's true love!" Then he writes a gay song and kills himself. Meanwhile the girl is thinking "I wonder why that pasty English-guy was weeping after we made eye contact? What a freak! I was just being polite." Seriously folks if you want to hear an awesome version of this song download weird al's parody "Pitiful" from his website here. Unfortunately it won't be on his new album due to the label not wanting Al to put the song on there even though Captain Dipweed gave his permission to do the parody. Oh well. Well that's it for now. If I keep going I'll probably have a brain aneurism or something because of the stupidity of these songs. Oh yeah, and Hate me by Blue October sucks too. "Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home"? What the heck does that even mean!? And the guys voice is fracking annoying. He sounds like he's straining just to breathe. I almost forgot Ridin by Chamillionaire. Just another song by a stupid thug bashing the police for doing their job. And when the police can't arrest him because at that one point in time he's not doing anything illegal he acts like he just pulled a fast one by OBEYING THE FRICKIN' LAW! WOOHOO!! You sure pulled a fast one on the cops. Oh sure in the previous verse you talk about actually breaking the law and hoping the cops don't catch you and then in the next verse declare your hate for the law even though YOU DESERVE TO BE ARRESTED FOR BEING A CRIMINAL!!! "OH, it's all racial profiling!" Well, when you're in a high-crime area such as the ghetto which is predominately black then it isn't racial profiling but the law of probablity dipweed. Once again another example of a black person trying to make the police look bad for doing their job and trying to blame the "po-po" for their problems instead of actually obeying the law. Don't get me started on "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake. I wasn't aware that sexy had even left but if Justin Timberlake is the one trying to bring it back, then there's probably a reason it went away to begin with.
What's happenin', what's up/Got da purp fired up/What's happenin', what's up/Got Patrone in my cup/I pop, I drank/I'm on Patrone and purp, I can't thank/I'm blowed, to tha do'/don't know how tha hell I'm gettin home
Or who can forget these lyrics:I ask shawty what they call it, she said tha Pool Palace/Staright from Bankhead, I said you good at it/Do what cha do, you and ya crew/They even got playa's and thugs doin' it too/The mo' that I drank, tha more it's lookin' smooth
I's nuthin to a waltz, I can do tha shit too.
"The mo' that I drank, tha more it's lookin smooth." If something only looks cool - my mistake, smooth - when you're drunk, the guess what? IT PROBABLY SUCKS WHEN YOU'RE SOBER!! The music is absolutely abysmal too. It's the same three notes repeated over and over again 8 times: 4 at one octave, then 4 times down an octave. Repeat until the crappy song ends. Some people say that it's genius to be able to do that, I say it's lazy. There is no point to the song other than talking about a ridiculously bad looking dance move (watch the video). I wish I could take a lead pipe and crack them all in the knees like Jeff Gilooly and thus end their inane rapping about a stupid dance move. It's not even good rap either. The words boil down to somebody being too stupid or lazy to say correct words. "Oh well it doesn't sound cool if you pronounce everything correctly." If you have to slaughter the language to make something sound cool that means it actually sound incredibly stupid to everyone with a brain. For example here is a translation of a line: "I asked shorty what they call it and she said "The Pool Palace Staright from Bankhead. I said "you are good at it. Do what you do. You and your crew. They even have players and thugs doing it too. The more I drank the more it is looking smooth. It is nothing compared to a waltz. I can do that too."
It just seems to lose some of it's "gangsta" edge when you realize it's not actually saying anything cool at all. If I were to write a song based around my daily conversations it would be boring too. But apparently if you use ridiculous amounts of slang in a song it makes it cool. Absolutely stupid.Niggaz in my face/Damn near er' day/Asking a million questions like/Joc where ya stay/Tell 'em College Park/Where they chop cars/Eat 20 grand spend a grand at the bar.
Previously it is mentioned that this is coming from Ghettoville U.S.A (maybe that's a rap group, I don't know, I don't care). So if this guy is still in the ghetto, I doubt he has $21,000 to blow all willy nilly. Still not satisfied with bragging on how rich he says he is he continues with this gem:Boys from the hood call me black Donald Trump
Again, somehow I seriously doubt ANYBODY OTHER THAN HIMSELF - my mistake, "Hisself" to be gramatically incorrect - AND THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD CALL HIM BLACK DONALD TRUMP!! Especially since he is being "introduced" in this song by "Nitty" (whoever the heck that is). If he was that well known he wouldn't be introduced in a song like this and have only two songs that I can find information for. Here is another example of an arrogant "gangsta'" trying to make himself out to be more than he really is - which is probably a criminal who deserves to be in jail - and make everyone wish they were like him. The chorus states:Meet me in the trap its going down/Meet me in the mall its going down/Meet me in the club its going down/Any where ya meet me guaranteed to go down
No clue as to what is going down though. I came up with my own chorus: When I take a crap it's going down/When I'm cramping in the hall its going down/When I'm wasted in a pub it's going down/Any where that I flush it's guaranteed to go down.Yeah, I beat that thang like it stole somethin' never let her hold somethin'/Put the staff in her mouth, claimin' that she owe somethin'/Show 'em somethin' mean on the scene/When I first seen them jeans, teamed with that booty it's a dream team/Make me go-go, up and down like a yo-yo/But I had to pop her blue/Cuz I'm on that Tonio Montana
Utter trash with no redeeming value to it whatsoever and yet people eat it up like it's one of the greatest songs ever. Look up the lyrics for yourself here if you really want to read the rest of this trash. I'm not even going to post it.They say I'm really sexy/The boys they wanna sex me/They always standin next to me/Always dancin next to me/Tryna feel my hump hump/Lookin at my lump lump/You can look but you can't touch it/If you touch it/I'ma start some drama/You don't want no drama/No no drama no no no no drama/So don't/Pull on my hand boy/You ain't my man boy/I'm just tryna dance boy/And move my hump/My hump my hump my hump my hump my hump my hump/My hump my hump my hump my hump my lovely lady lumps/My lovely lady lumps my lovely lady lumps/In the back and in the front
So she's parading herself around like a whore, throwing herself around like a whore, and men think she's loose like a whore. Then she acts indignite and says that they need to back off 'cuz she's just trying to dance and shake her "lumps" (like a whore). This infuriates me to no end this type of double standard. If you're not a whore, QUIT ACTING LIKE ONE AND GUYS WON'T TREAT YOU LIKE ONE! Dave Chappelle gave an illustration of this. A girl says: "Wait a minute, wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore. Which is true. Gentlemen that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way don't ever forget it but women, you have to understand that that is fucking confusing. It just is.
He then moves on to point out how ridiculous it would be if he were to dress up as a police officer and then turn down someone for help with that excuse."Just because I'm dressed this way, does not make me a police officer. Understand what I'm saying? It's like alright lady fine, fine. You are not a whore. But you are wearing a whore's uniform..."
The entire song though basically encourages girls to behave like little whores (much like the Pussycat Dolls song Don't Cha) and get all they can from men by making them spend insane amounts of money on them and then shaft them by saying "Ooops, sorry! I thought you knew we were just friends and flirting! Tee hee." Absolutely stupid.I saw an angel./Of that I'm sure./She smiled at me on the subway./She was with another man./But I won't lose no sleep on that,/'Cause I've got a plan.
Now what could make me think that this is a clue to this man's degree of mental retardation? Note the phrase "She was with another man." Now I may very well be reading too much into this but the only time I ever hear anyone use that phrase is when one of two things is true:And I don't think that I'll see her again,
/But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
How can you share a moment - which to my knowledge is a moment of some romantic significance to both parties that leads to a deeper relationship or some such - WHEN ALL YOU DID WAS MAKE EYE CONTACT FOR ABOUT 1 SECOND!? The man places WAAAAAAAAAY to much significance on the fact that she "smiled at [him] on the subway". I get that all the time from girls who are just being friendly. IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!! IT'S CALLED COMMON COURTESY!! Obviously Jamie Boy is living in a world of pure fancy where there are rivers of chocolate and the children laugh and play with gumdrop smiles. Now one final clue as to this guy's loserhood and arrogant self-delusions is the line:There must be an angel with a smile on her face,/When she thought up that I should be with you.
Now apparently James is saying that an angel devised that he and this girl that he saw for about 3 seconds was the one for him through divine planning and that she rightfully belongs to him. This is where I draw my conclusion with the "with another man" bit. Then he commits suicide on a glacier, which I'm actually quite happy about. Apparently he keeps coming out with songs though kind of like Tupac so apparently he didn't really die, much to my chagrin.
