For those of you who may have forgotten, quite some time ago I sold out to myspace. At first I thought this would be a problem and then I realized that my joining was actually the greater of two evils so that made it okay. Anyways, as is my custom every now and then I browse the mindless blogs that people write, not unlike what you read here minus the intelligence. There was one blog I read that caught my attention called "The Optimist Creed". Allow me to post it for you in all of it's drivelly content unedited:
THE OPTIMIST'S CREED!!
Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
Perhaps it's just me but after reading through stuff like that I feel like I need to take a shower and clean myself from all the gushing happiness and get ready to face reality again. As such I, being the mean-spirited individual I am, have written a rebuttle. It's basically the same thing but with dark addendums to each point. I give you now:
THE PESSIMIST'S CREED!!
Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind even though all you're doing is divorcing yourself from the misery of reality.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet and participate in their self-delusionment which, when it comes crashing down around them, will lead to their eventual suicide.
To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them even though there's not and the only reason you keep them around is to keep them on suicide watch and make yourself look good by comparison even though that won't even really matter because your still just some poor sap whose only friends are suicidal and that's probably because they hang out with you.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true even if the only way to do so is to take harmful, mood altering drugs which only will postpone the pain of your own crappy existence.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best even though there's no chance in hell of you ever sharing in any of that happiness.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own even if it means they get a promotion, you get canned, and have to make a living on the streets giving hand-jobs for crack.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future though statistically you'll probably make the same mistakes over again thus making you life a series of unavoidable failure.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet because the way to cheer up someone who is depressed is to make them realize how much more better off you are then them, thus making them hate you just a little bit more.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others even though you'll have so many problems to correct you won't have time to eat, sleep, or bathe either.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble even though that crap is going to happen to you anyways and your just going to be miserable because you can't live up to that standard.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds even though everyone else things you're a incomprehensible douchebag.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you even when you are being beaten and robbed at gunpoint in an alleyway. Remember, they are on your side.
I tend to err on the side of caution in these instances because more than likely good things aren't going to happen to you just because you think happy thoughts. It also helps to pull your head out of you keester and look at reality. Life is grim. Get over it. The sooner you accept it the better.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go cut myself for a while and get the happy out.
