l33t haX0r sp33k suX0rz.

l33t haX0r sp33k suX0rz!

The internet is full of wonderful things like art, music, babes and most of all this web site. I didn't mention people because they cause all of the world's problems. There would be no problems in the world if it weren't for people. In fact it's because two people about 6,000 years ago (you know them as Adam and Eve) decided that a talking snake was smarter than the creator of the Universe (you know him as God). Let me just throw this out there free of charge: whether or not you believe God created us or not does nothing to change the fact that he did create us and Evolution is total crap and has been proven wrong more times than Michael Moore. Anyways, since then things have pretty much gone down hill. This is most evident in chat-rooms and web-forums everywhere. I'm not quite sure when it became as bad as it is now. When I first got on the internet when I was twelve the worst thing I saw in a chat room was the use of stupid acronyms like "lol", "brb", "rotfl", and the like. The fact that people were too lazy to type "you" and "are" and simply substituted "u r" instead was a bit irritating since it comes across as being very ignorant, lazy and illiterate. Even still I understood that with as much typing going on as there is in a chat room people use shortcuts to get information up faster, not that that's an excuse for being lazy and sounding like an idiot but at least it was understandable. Slowly though I began to notice a shift from that into a more degenerated form of speech in forums and chat rooms. People were mixing letters and numbers together to spell. I couldn't understand what the problem was. Why was it that people were typing in even more incomprehensible, unintelligable ways? Then I came upon a startling realization:

Prolonged exposure to the internet makes you stupid.

What other conclusion could I possibly come to? Prolonged exposure to the internet drops your I.Q. through the floor like prolonged exposure to the following harmful elements: lead, nickel, alcohol, marijuana, carbon monoxide, 50 Cent, Diddy, The Parkers, UPN, Rap, R&B, The Black-Eyed Peas, BET, MTV and Jessica Simpson. It was finally so very clear to me. Surely it has nothing to do with kids being taught that typing in letters and numbers is cool and unique (especially if everyone is doing it) and that writing in a clear and coherent fashion isn't necessary because as long as you express yourelf, even if you express yourself as an ignorant twit, it doesn't matter. After all, people in the real world can read a mess of jumbled letters and numbers. All employers can read stuff like the following job application:

Name: J0hN d03
Birthdate: Aug 9, 1985
Position applied for: anyth1ng j00 g0+. kna3m3an?
Work Experience: l33t haX0rz 4-3v3r! +h1s 0n3 +1m3 +h1s dud3 was all up 1n my b1zna+zz 1n my 1.p. aNd s0 1 +0ld +ha+ m0f0 to s+3p 0ff and he d1dn'+ s0 I haX0r3d h15 c0mpu+3r and ru1n3d his f1l3s. 1 c0mpl3tl3y pnwd +ha+ +rick.

I realize that there's more to an application than that but typing just that took entirely too long and I'm sure that's not even proper "l33t haX0r" spelling (if there is such a thing). As you can see almost the entire application is a confusing jumble of letters, numbers, and symbols. For those of you who couldn't read that above section, good for you. This is the translated version. Notice you can still read it but the applicant still sounds like something out of a crappy BET original movie, which basically applies to everything on BET:

Name: John Doe
Birthdate: Aug 9, 1985
Position applied for: Anything you got. Knaemean?
Work Experience: Elite hackers forever! This one time this dude was all up in my biznazz in my I.P. and so I told that mofo to step off and he didn't so I hacked his computer and ruined his files. I completely owned that trick.

I wish I knew whose brilliant idea it was to start all of that so I could hurt them. This is the most illegible crap that people have ever thought was "cool" to write with. Listen up kiddies: Nobody outside of the internet understands that crap. In the real world you're expected to be able to communicate clearly and write legibly. In addition to that you're supposed to be able to speak proper English (or close to it at least). Here's an idea: quit typing in your little hacker language because I'm pretty sure you aren't really a hacker but a poser who wants everybody to think you are. Just because you know how to get key-generators off of Limewire and Kazaa doesn't mean you're a hacker. You can use programs that do the hacking for you? Big deal, who can't. That takes no talent whatsoever. You can mix letters and numbers together when you type? That doesn't make you a "l33t hax0r 4-3v3r". Typing like that does absolutely nothing for you except make you look lazy, stupid, and almost illiterate (although, I will admit that saying roX0rz my boX0rz is fun). Nobody cares that you can mix numbers and letters together to spell with and omit letters and slaughter the English language. The proper spelling of owned is with an 'o' and an 'e'. You can't even pronounce pwnd because there aren't any vowels. If you want to be taken seriously, spell out the words properly, quit mimicking every other poser on the internet, and get your own personality. If you write properly you will get much farther in life than with this crap. It's that simple. Spell the words, quit using urban slang (that actually does more to make you sound like an ignorant, drop-out than anything else) and use proper English. Urban slang sucks and to mix that with this "l33t hax0r" crap is even worse. Nobody outside of those who speak slang/street/ebonics/total crap understands it but they do understand good English. So quit with the slang and crappy spelling and communicate clearly. There is no shame in being understood but there is shame in becoming bag-lady or a vagrant because you can't get a job because nobody will hire you based on you're speech. And even bag lady's and vagrant's curse in proper grammatical form.

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