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Hard Core Lounging (Part 3) I'd like to say the rest of the week was as exciting as the first day. I'd like to, but I'd be lying. Hell, I'd like Porsche 911, court-side tickets to the Raptors and a million dollars. But I'm not getting that either. Day two was pretty uneventful. Cary and I settled down in a nice rut for the next few days. We decided against having a spot on the beach near the fence monkeys. We chose a spot on the other side of the resort, but still well within the property lines. The beach was really nice. The water was really warm. Cary tried to teach me how to throw a Frisbee. It took me a couple of days, but I got the hang of it. Before I did, you'd best be watching your head. I was launching that disc like a bulimic would launch his or her meal. Mornings were spent at the beach. Afternoons were spent at the pool. Lunches were spent in utter amazement at the lack of lettuce at the salad bar and the total disregard for any sort of barbecue. Damn man, you can only have so much fried food. I never did mention the resort was topless did I? Needless to say, Cary and I went topless. But so did many women. Thank God and Bolle, for mirrored glasses. After a week of breasts of all shapes and sizes, you become utterly desensitized. No more whipping the head around to catch a glimpse of a nipple. Instead, you are much more cool and take your time and then turn your whole body around to look at a topless woman. You realize that they are everywhere. Someone failed to mention to this German family that it was topless only. They let their 6 year old son play in the pool without his bathing suit. First off, this kid had foreskin so long, I was sure he was going to trip over it. He looked like he had an anteater coming out of his stomach, like that alien from that movie, you know, Alien. Too add insult to injury, this kid decided to relieve himself on the dock. There is this long dock that runs around 20 feet into the pool. This stupid kid had been running and jumping off the dock all afternoon. After a particularly loud noise, I looked up and saw his skinny white Aryan ass aimed for all the world to see. I decided that this was too gross and went back to reading. 30 seconds later, Cary mentioned to me, quite nonchalantly, that this little shit factory, crapped on the dock. Seconds later, I notice his father grab the feces in questions and pick it up. Either these Germans have a dog at home and are used to scooping poop or they are used to their son shitting all over a foreign country. Either way, it was gross. The shows (pronounced CHO) by Cubans sucked. We usually hung out, drank and played Euchre with a couple we met down there. Tina and Mike were on their honeymoon. They are from Niagara Falls. Ironically, people from Niagara Falls do not partake in the honeymoon capital of the world. Go figure. There were cool. Except for their infatuation with the Goo Goo Dolls, but I'll let that slide. On my third or fourth day, I can't really remember the exact day, but I won a archery event. There were about 15 people. We had two warm up shots and then six shots after that. Highest score won. I got the highest score. I'd like to thank Tamakwa for my archery prowess. The next night, before the CHO, a staff member asked if "Mark from Canada" would come up and get his certificate for archery. I was too drunk, too bored, too tired and too lazy to get up and get that lame-ass piece of paper. For all I know, there was another "Mark from Canada" who could put Robin Hood to shame. Maybe that paper is still there, waiting for me to pick it up. Next time any of you out there goes to Varadero, pick up that certificate for me, okay? We had settled into a nice rut of sleeping until 9:00 or so. Eating and sunning ourselves, while continually replenishing our alcohol supply. We were content. |
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