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Beer and Clothing in Costa Rica (Part II)
Day two in Costa Rica was pretty uneventful. But that's what I
was aiming for. It was damn. Damn hot. 38 degrees hot. The beach was black. You
go figure it out. It was freakin' hot. I was determined to do what was
necessary, drink, sleep and lay on the beach. Tuesday and Wednesday pretty much
blended into one long, hot day, where I slept, ate, drank and sat on the beach,
or sometimes by the pool. Let me say right now, there are many good looking
girls in Costa Rica. There were a couple of hotties who worked there, with their
unnatural bleached blonde hair, who were smoking. Let's just say Sean and I were
longing for our girlfriends back in Toronto. But I guess that's the advantage of
mirrored sunglasses, I was totally staring and no one knew. Sunglasses also keep
your eyes from bouncing away when they bulge and pop out of your skull. I can
tell you this, the disco shows were lame. Ok, they people in the show are very
talented dancers, but I could care less about dancing shows (I could care less,
but it would take a lot of effort and you know that I don't exert myself for
much). If you're read Beer and Clothing in Las Vegas, you would have known that
I've lost my taste for dancing shows, unless the women are naked (no g-strings
please) and there is some sort of pole involved. I should talk about the
wonderful buffets at the Blue Bay Village Papagayo. I left for Costa Rica during
Passover, so I was doomed not to eat bread until Thursday night. Luckily, the
buffets were plentiful. Not quite Las Vegas, but still pretty damn good. If you
ever go away for a week and are lazy like me and make a decent living, go all
inclusive. It saves you effort, you don't have to look for a restaurant and you
can drink until you pass out. Back to the food. The buffets were vast and
plentiful. At almost every meal, there was steak. I would have thought it
impossible to be "steaked" out, but I was nearing getting "steaked"
out by Thursday, but by then I could eat bread. The buffet lines were usually
filled with semi-retarded individuals who were unable to a) make any decisions
b) unable to grasp even the modest concept of tongs c) do (a) and (b) with any
speed. Often, Sean and I were subjected to long, slow lines if often, unbearably
hot rooms especially for dinner. I mean, it's not that hard. It's like going to
McDonalds and not knowing what to get, you get a Big Mac combo, or a variation
thereof. You can read the menu while you wait in line. Well, a buffet is the
same time, except no Big Macs. You can see what you want well before you get
there. But some idiots were like, "Honey, do you want some ribs? I know you
can easily get some, but I've got 2 square inches on plate just begging for a
intricate rib house. No? You sure, it will only take be 5 minutes and I'll have
to stop the line, but I can make a Jenga type rib house for you." By this
time, I usually take the closest tongs, and jam them into his eyes. Unlike, Las
Vegas, murder is illegal in Costa Rica, but not jamming tongs into a stupid
buffet patron's eyes (especially if he's American). So to summarize, food good,
buffet lines bad, people stupid.
An addendum to Beer and Clothing in Costa Rica (Part II). On our third day,
Wednesday, Sean and I decided to go high class. We went to the fancy restaurant.
We were allowed two dinners at the fancy restaurant. Sean and I strategically
decided to have a fancy dinner on Wednesday, guest participation at the disco.
We did not want to be anywhere near the disco for guest participation. I do not
participate in anything, especially on vacation. The dinner was uneventful. The
food was ok. But the coffee was amazing. We had this special super fancy coffee.
I will try to explain. First, the waitress takes two semi-large glasses and wets
the lips with orange juice (by rubbing the tops into a cut orange). She dipped
the glasses into sugar so the lips were covered (think salt on a margarita
glass). She then took the sugar covered glasses and heated them over an open
flame. She then added coffee liquor (I checked, it wasn't Kaluha, but some Costa
Rican brand) and heated them, but igniting it. She then added another liquor, an
orange flavored one, this time it was a brand I recognized, Cointreau (don't
cheap with out Triple Sec) and ignited that as well. To top it off she put on
fresh whipped cream. This was the best coffee I had ever had. Sean and I were
salivating through out the whole process. When some breeze came through the
restaurant, Sean and my saliva put out the open flame. The coffee was heaven.
Absolutely pure heaven. The only thing that could have made it better was to
make sure that no idiot would ever stand in front of me in a buffet line. But I
couldn't have my coffee and drink it too, now could I?
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