This page is a selection of original poems written at various times, and updated rather sporadically...
Five years,
Heartbeat steady.
Feel the world spinning around me;
Want to feel you in my hands.
Who are you,
Why the haze;
My hands are grasping at warmth.
Five years and
The ice is not all melted,
I guess...
I guess the water is cold.
Five years
No broken leg like this,
No cast or fix or
Screw it.
Five years, middle of the night.
Now I could stand in the middle of the road
Strong in myself
and
Tell you to fuck off.
Five years, fevers, feeling all there is,
Never denied for
Four and a half years...
Like orange clouds raining in my head
And I said sometimes
I said why do we
Crucify ourselves--
I've never seen Barbados,
So I must get out of this.
"Come to St. Louis"...
Columbus and Newport and Cleveland and Chicago and New York and L.A. ...
and I'm a little afraid--
Am I really going to be good enough?
"Come to St. Louis"--
Why?
How is it he feels?
In Kent,
another one cried because
I'm still frozen.
Bedford,
And cysts and moles and aching feet.
Where the hell am I going
And trying so hard to release the real me?
Will anyone ever see that person
Inside me?
Dayton
and embers in the eye-- the cyst.
It's weird
and Ft. Bragg and McCoy and Delaware and crazy California
with nothingness FHLC...
And what now,
Since I can't need anyone?
But Daddy has a mole,
and it can't be cancer,
It can't be.
"Come", people say,
Come here, come back.
Where is it?
I feel the path but it gets so shady sometimes
In my forest.
And silk, and trees,
Sky and lakes and grey Cincitucky Ohio River.
Niagra and the crashing and rainbows and a mini hockey stick.
French toast in bed and alcohol.
Hypnotiq, and you bled me so thoroughly.
Goddamn, what do I do?
Am I so broken?
Am I defective?
Did I burn myself one too many times,
Make my nerves die?
And Amish country with an amazing bed...
Relax...
And God and Kali and the space between.
Where?
I'm only looking for the sun.
Touch that cow.
Everything spins and everything is nothing and all or nothing is connected,
There are silver cords,
Mommes and Pounds and everything weight to connect us,
the blanket.
I (heart) Huckabees.
A baby in parma,
My unit.
"I will never do anything for pleasure, profit or personal safety..."
Iraq and Afghanistan and Haiti and S. America.
Where?
My feet are hurting...
Is there a slow-down?
Still breathing.
You shoot
In the space between.
So hard..
Now the sky it shines a different kind of blue
But it's hard,
Letting you go...
Why are you still in my mind and
Plaguing my heart?
I cannot escape memories of you
Or how I still feel,
Locked in some dungeon
Like a crime.
You catch up with me some days,
And in my heart,
I'm howling.
Shush, hush,
I can never speak these words.
No emotion, no ties
No such thing as love
When we were entwined.
Let me forget you,
Forget the way you could be so cold
Forget the way I burn in shame.
I am shamed by you,
I allowed myself to be your pawn,
Your concubine.
I gave of myself freely and deeply,
But hush, no words should have been spoken.
Hush, I mustn't feel for you,
Hush, you never spoke to me...
You drank of my body as I gave
But never told me
You love her then and now...
Hush.
The taste I've known of love,
So bitter sweet,
Is not the flavor I sought
With you.
No more of that,
No search for ambrosia;
I'll sustain on water.
I'm not looking for love,
I'm only looking for the sun.
Will I ask of you warmth,
A gentle hand,
A warm caress?
I'll not ask what I know
I can't have,
No more.
Now I seek soft breezes,
Caresses of a candle's flame,
The renewal of the ocean
And strength of stone.
I've yet to need you,
But some things
Are independent of need...
I'm not looking for love,
I'm only looking for the sun.
Seven Veils
I hear the same song as before,
In a different key,
With some unspoken tongue.
My soul moves to the rhythm,
And I see your eyes,
And a veil falls.
Smiling with song,
I taste your lips,
And a veil falls to the floor.
My heart sways with the harmonies,
Somehow I can feel your touch again,
And a veil falls.
I close my eyes, enchanted by the music,
And remember waking with you,
As a veil falls to the floor.
Outstretched as the music crescendos,
I remember your song,
And a veil falls.
I lavish in sound, under the sky,
And I remember the wall in our Eden,
As another veil falls.
The silk slides over me,
And I crave your touch again,
When the veil falls to the floor.
The music fades, I stand before you,
Knowing what the last veil hides,
Wondering if it too shall fall.
Heart, sing softer,
Don't let me hear...
Love is all, everything...
How can I allow myself the luxury, the joy,
Then pain,
If I cannot have and hold
My desires?
Quiet, love stay quiet,
For day is not come.
Til then,
Shine in the night.
Dark is the night around me,
Far from your touch.
All my thoughts are surrendering sweetly
In the ghost of your eyes.
I'm all confusion,
The phoenix on the pyre,
Burning in the sun of memory.
Speak not-- but hold me,
For night will wane,
And our song may end.
Let the dark around us
Be the comfort we seek,
Let me surrender to you,
Intoxicating and poignant,
My fever and delight.
Nauthiz
Hidden in stone,
Wound in ivy and shadows,
Something stirs within...
Eurydice sighs for Orpheus,
Her need flowing in droves,
And her soul begins to shimmer.
She sighs for the visions,
Tries to drive away the need.
The ivy chokes her
The tendrils grasping her pale throat
And cover her eyes.
The shadows waver around her,
No song sung.
She cries out, making no sound
As she tries to hide away in stone
Tries to squelch the voice of Need.
Pagan Soldier
I feel surging in my veins,
Preparing for unknown battles,
Dancing with Kali
To the swaying of Pele's drums.
I am a woman unknown,
Even when unmasked
By my man,
For there is much he has not seen,
Some things he can't,
Not until he
And I
Are free together
If that day comes.
I lie in wait,
Cleopatra's patient asp.
Though I carry no poison,
Only the infinite gifts of the goddess,
Starlight in my heart,
Moonlight on my flesh,
And the kiss of Apollo on my eyes.
Pygmy Amazon
gave to the point of bleeding,
daggers in my side,
nothing ever fits
nothing's ever right.
i talk too much,
i'm silly
but i don't smile enough...
i can't give what i want
because i don't have what i need
and i don't get anymore.
there's no wall?
i'm not so sure,
maybe it's glass,
maybe it's an electric fence,
i sizzle in your hands...
it feels like
i need to brace for battle,
run into the fray,
get my sword bloody
as i keep harm away.
i don't know what i'm seeing, why i'm feeling
nothing makes sense anymore.
i'll fight for you,
shed my blood in metaphoric rivers to keep you alive;
i'll wear the mask of indifference
and sing another song,
there can be nothing
even when nothing's wrong.
Mystery
I had to find you...
Though my eyes sometimes see so far,
They cannot explain
The mystery that is you...
You enfold me, fill my mind,
You awaken in me,
Something I didn't realize was sleeping,
And in waking next to you,
The morning is a little sweeter,
And the night wasn't so long,
Come back and haunt me.
I feel you, your voice and skin,
And I seek again the warmth that is you.
I've never known anything that feels
As right as this does,
The calm and the fire,
Floating as we seem to,
Among the mysteries of the ages,
In each other's arms...
And I can still feel them around me.
"Mannaz"
Make me a dancer of dreams,
Weave me through the moonlight.
I reach to embrace the Sun,
I have eyes to see the Stars...
But for the earthly corporeal,
Soul of Air,
Heart of Flame,
And ability to Love that equals any ocean,
I am nothing.
The dreams dance through me,
Once if no more,
Let me dance through them,
Gliding over moonbeams
To a place I've never known,
Where the Sunlight floods my body
and makes me whole.
�5 a.m.,
Friday morning��--
My longest night,
that Saturday night,
a near-stranger
Stole the secrets of me.
Covering my body,
He gave me no say,
But left me
With blood gurgling
Over my already dark lips.
It�s 5 a.m.,
Saturday morning,
Another year gone by.
Yet you don't steal my secrets
You don't make me bleed,
And when you held me
The first time
You surprised me with your whisper
"Do you think you're falling in love with me?"
