Q) A smart blonde, a priest, and superman are on top of the empire state building. They all jump off at the same time. Who will land first?
A) The priest. There is no such thing as superman or a smart blonde.
Q) What do you call two blondes in a freezer?
A) Frosted Flakes
Q) How do you confuse a blonde?
A) Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q) What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A) Gifted
Q) Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A) To see what was on the other side.
Q) Why did the blonde stare at the Orange Juice container for twenty minutes?
A) It said "Concentrate"
I know a blonde who was so stupid, she called me for my phone number!
I know a blonde who walked into a bar and said 'ow'. What? If you walked into a bar, you'd say 'ow' too.
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, “FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.”
One day a Blonde walked into the doctors office with 2 red ears. The doctor asked what happened. She said "I was ironing and the phone rang and I picked up the iron by mistake. "What happened to the other ear?" the doctor asked. "They called back." The doctor said, "Maybe you should try to use a phone." She replied," My iron looks so much hotter though!"
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
There were two blondes walking down the street and they spotted a compact. They rushed over to see who it belonged to so they could return it. The first one opens it and says, "This person looks familiar" The second one says, "Let me see." She looks at her friend and says, "Silly, that's me!"
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. "While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
There were 2 blonde men and a woman hanging from a plane that is going to crash. One of them has to let go to lighten the plane so it wouldn't crash. The woman says: "I'm going to let go because I want to be a good citizen." The men clap.
Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A: Last years hide and seek winner.
One day this blonde walked into a store and said "I`d like to buy that TV." The salesman said "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The blonde went home and dyed her hair red. She went back to the store and said "I`d like to buy that TV." "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." The man replied again. She went and dyed her hair black, then returned to the store and said "I`d like to buy that TV." Again the man said "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." The blonde finally asks "How did you know I was a blonde?" The man said "Because that's not a TV its a microwave."