�No, you may not. You will have to put off this Wednesday, when the milk truck comes.� Already the plan was forming in my mind. Every Wednesday a truck from the dairy came to the reformatory to deliver small containers of milk. The truck was just large enough that he could stow away on top of it, and make his way safely to the farm where he could find a job milking cows, ordinary dairy cows, which he may hurt with sticks and stones and peg legs, but never with names. They would take on a boy with a handicap there, and it was far from most bakeries. I explained as much to him.
�Very well, to the dairy farm let it be. But let us be quick about it.� He was anxious to get out from under my desk, but I had to restrain him two further days. I did so by stealing his prosthesis.
�Be patient and eat some more cake.� I slid a few more slices down to him.
�Have you got a plan to get me onto this truck of yours?� The cake had run out earlier that day as though in testament of his need to depart.
�Yes; something I saw Sean Connery do in a movie once. You�ll have a clear path jumping to that truck.�
�You realize I was only using you for your cake, Captain.� He bore a sharp guilty expression on his face, affirming my suspicion that he was a thief of baked goods.
�I understand; completely.�
�That is all I truly wanted; for someone to understand. That and cake; cake is awesome.� No one could deny that cake was, in fact, awesome. I left him there to prepare for the next morning. I was down by the front door to the reformatory. When the truck made its appearance, the plan sprung into action, and I thrust down on the emergency fire alarm, signaling everyone to evacuate the building. At the same time I signaled the milk truck driver to steer close to the building, under my open window. I had left my party hat on my desk for my Uncle Rufus.
The truck driver became worried. �Buddy, I think you�re calling me in too close.�
I broke loose, shouting at him. �When I say closer, I mean closer! I am the captain, and you do as I command! Captain Captain Captain! Now bring that truck in here, Closer!�
The driver shrugged. �Well, I know I�m insured.�
The distance closed until there was a sharp banging sound, as of a peg-leg on a truck roof. I was overjoyed, and smilingly said to the driver, now close enough to touch, �Nevermind-the building�s on fire! Just, you know, drive your truck back to the farm! And don�t look on top of it! For the love of god, don�t look on top of your truck!�
The driver turned his head, muttering �You people are weird around here.� As the vehicle pulled away I saw poking up from its roof a shiny, conical party hat.
