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Boy, are you kids lucky. Since I'm heading out of town for my family medicine rotation, you get August's interview
early! You can thank me when I get back
in September.
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August 2001
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Chuck
Klosterman
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Tell us a little about yourself and your new book, "Fargo Rock City."
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I'm a 28-year-old journalist in Akron, Ohio, but I grew up on a farm in North Dakota. "Fargo Rock City" is 1/2
a memoir of my life growing up in the middle of
nowhere, and 1/2 a rock criticism of hair metal, which was pretty
much the soundtrack for my teenage years during the 1980s. Basically, I just tried to write the
book I always
wanted to find: A mostly goofy, occasionally serious look at all the cool, ridiculous bands I loved growing
up.
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The "Jack Factor" is a musical rating scale that you use in your recent book. It represents the amount of money
you would have to receive in order for you to
never listen to a given album again. For example, you rate Vinnie
Vincent Invasion's first album at a Jack Factor of $675. Are you saying that you prefer this
album to VVIs "All
Systems Go?" If so, WTF? Explain yourself....
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There are a few cool songs on "All Systems Go," particularly "Heavy Pettin'" and "Naughty Naughty." However,
I honestly feel the debut is superior,
mostly for the concluding 90 seconds on side two that sound like a car
alarm. I still find Vinnie totally fucking hilarious. How do you kicked out of a band that
actually includes your
own name? That's like Jimi Hendrix getting fired from the Jimi Hendrix Experience. Vinnie also had -- by far
-- the coolest and most
inexplicable KISS make-up.
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Give us your take on the following Marilyn Manson quotation, "Creed are the Stryper of the new millennium,
only Stryper had better outfits... all that
yellow and black. They're Christians, I believe, and they promote
goodness, which I think is a terrible thing. Also the guy's got an awful collection of chest
hair." - Marilyn Manson
on Creed, Kerrang, November 11, 2000.
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You know, I've never listened to anything by Creed, except what's been on the radio. I probably agree with
Marilyn, though, especially if he delivered
this quote after smoking the powered remains of a human bone
out of a water bong. I disagree with his take on chest chair, however. Look at Paul Stanley. He
still has more
natural fur than all the guys in Man O' War combined.
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What 10-15 songs make up the soundtrack to your life up to this point?
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From birth to age 11, it would probably be all Beach Boys and Billy Joel. From ages 12 to 18, I'd pick "10 Seconds
to Love," "Paradise City," "Kiss Me
Deadly," "Bark at the Moon," Tesla's "Be a Man," Ratt's "Back For More"
and WASP's "Blind in Texas." It gets complex from 19 to 22 -- probably "Used to Love Her,"
"Lithium," "Bring
the Noize," and "Kashmir." From 23 to 27, I'd go with any post-1965 Beatles, everything off the Rolling Stones
"Sticky Fingers," a bunch of Cheap
Trick songs, and everything by Radiohead. And now it's just Radiohead
and Black Sabbath.
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You've interviewed many rock stars. Whose real-life personality seems the most incongruent from their
rock star persona? Any surprises?
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I'm not sure who the most incongruent was, but Slash was definitely the MOST like his espoused image. In
1995, I spoke with him at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday, and he
had already been drinking vodka and cranberry juice
since 11.
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What has been your best rock star interview experience so far?
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Probably the time Vince Neil hung-up on me in 1997 when I asked him if he still wanted to fight Axl.
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Who in your opinion were the most underrated artists of the glam era? Overrated?
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The best hair metal bands that nobody paid attention to were Faster Pussycat, Fastway, and Tora Tora.
I also think Poison was a little underrated,
mostly because everybody hated them just for being so easy to
like. The most overrated metal bands were Brian Johnson-era AC/DC and Iron Maiden, because
they're usually
boring. But some of the Bon Scott stuff was cool, and Maiden certainly had the best T-shirts.
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Does glam live today?
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Yes. It's called "Shania Twain."
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Who of rock/metal (part or present) has done the best job covering another musician's song? Whose cover
is just plain strange? Who has failed miserably
at a cover attempt? For example, the Foo Fighters did an
amazing job with Jerry Rafferty's "Baker Street." Dolly Parton falls into the strange category,
but I believe
she does a reasonably good job of covering Collective Soul's "Shine." Unfortunately, Mark Slaughter's
cover/remix of Led Zepplin's "Rock
and Roll" just does not work for me at all.
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My favorite metal cover version is 1000 Homo DJs doing "Supernaut" on the Black Sab tribute album. I also
totally love the Donnas version of "Strutter."
As a rule, I generally enjoy cover versions and think all bands
should do more of them, because pretty much every good song has already been written. OH --
here's another
one, but it's not very metal: The Manic Street Preachers do an awesome job on the M*A*S*H theme, "Suicide
is Painless."
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Associate a metal song or personality with each of the followingwords/phrases:
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Getting out of bed in the morning: "Look What the Cat Dragged In" (Poison)
Rebelling against the system: "The Right to Rock" (Keel)
Love sickness: "Love Song" (Tesla)
Muscles: "Rip and Tear" (L.A. Guns)
Leather, whips, and chains: "Fuck Like a Beast" (WASP)
Alcohol: "High N' Dry" (Def Leppard)
Getting *personal* with your significant other: "Slide It In" (Whitesnake)
Revenge: "Bastard" (Motley Crue)
Self-indulgent guitar solo: "Animal" (Vinnie Vincent Invasion)
Lipstick and eyeliner: anything by Hanoi Rocks
Teen frustration: "One in a Million" (Guns N' Roses)
Freedom: "Dance the Night Away" (Van Halen)
Driving alone late at night: "Midnite Maniac" (Krokus)
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In Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love," I find it strange that (the British) Robert Plant failed to use the metric
system when he sings "I'm gonna give you
every inch of my love." Are there any song lyrics that you find
strange or inconsistent?
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Plant is probably using the English system because he stole the lyrics from some dead black guy in rural
Mississippi. However, in the Scorpions "Rock
You Like a Hurricane" they also use the English measuring
system with the lyrics "Give her inches / And feed her well." I think those lines are supposed to be
about
oral sex, but I'm not sure. I never understood any of those fucking Scorps songs. However, I was always
amused by the chorus of Ratt's "Round and Round,"
where Stephen Pearcy says "What comes around
goes around." Well, duh. In a way, it's kind of similar to Isaac Newton's first law, which suggests that an
object
in motion tends to stay in motion. I guess Stephen Pearcy was the Isaac Newton of rock.
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Note: I disagree. I think Pearcy was referring to the Hindu concept of karma. This makes him the Gandhi
of rock and "Out of the Cellar" my generations'
Bhagavad Gita.
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Finally, do you have any words of inspiration for the tired, hungry, bitter medical students who will be reading
your interview?
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I have several friends who are currently residents at hospitals across the Midwest. From what I can tell,
they are exhausted and hungry all the time --
yet all my male doctor friends seem to have an inordinate amount
of casual sex with girls who assume they must be rich. Meanwhile, all my female doctor
friends just seem
to get a lot of migraine headaches. My advice is ... hmm, I don't know. Become a vet? Start smoking more
(or at least) pot? Eat some peanut butter
toast? I guess I'm like Ozzy: "Don't look to me for answers, don't
ask me -- I don't know."
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Click for a review of
Chuck Klosterman's literary wonder.
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