One Space in Time A play by Julian Molinero

 

 

Act 1

 

Scene1

 

 

A man sits at a computer, writing endless words. His phone rings, he answers it. “ Jeffrey you’re fucking late for work you lazy son of a bitch” in a dallas accent. He grumbles, into his sweat shirt.

 

Jeffrey unbuttons his shirt, slowly, green headed monkeys from the moon start to dance with their big yellow eyes. Left write and centre did his eyes go. As he discoed away as if it was the eighties. Bad news, it was the eighties.

 

 

 

Good day jobs were hard to come by, Jeffrey worked at the top of the ladder according to Strippers In Space Newsletter,if I weas less stoned I would write a play,………………. Unfortunately…

 

 

 

Act 1

 

Scene 2

 

Shoes is lying in bed rolling from side to side talking about the ocean. He said he’s winning a swimming race, and that if what he said rhymned then he was sorry, he’s now making speed boat noises, he speaking like a jamiacann, He said “may I bow at the end”. Shoes is stoned, stoned on fish monkeys, he lays awake on the top bunk of his singlestorey bunk beds. He thinks bluntly about getting a job, instead he makes a cuppasoup. That’s the way of todays youth you see.

 

 

 

1980’s technology is quite similar to the way technology was in 2002 on Earth, but in OPPalosuspirantosthe The Monkeys From The Moon had normal gravity escape under control.

 

 

 

Act 1

 

Scene 3

 

 

 

Nancergaretta’s Wedding Night

 

 

 

Nancergaretta sits on his honeymoon suite bed, and jumps up and down with his rear end. It tests it’s comfyness. It is ‘quite comfy’ he thought. His newly found Wife and beloved, rattles the handle of the bathroom door where she was ‘making herself look beautiful’.

 

 

 

She comes out, to reveal herself.

 

 

 

 

 

……………………………She is a tuna fish.

 

Act 2

 

Scene 1

 

 

 

Shoes died in his own filth, he falls out of his spaceship compartment window and plummets into outer space.

 

 

 

He spins from the Spaceship through the space of time, and plunges forward into a latter world. Ending up in the year 2002.

 

 

 

He walks forward into his new world.

 

He is in the town of Blackburn. What will he do?

 

 

 

What was he thinking, he has sideburns and an afro.

 

 

 

The first thing he saw was an older version of the friend he knew as a child; Jeffrey Banaktia. He still has the same glasses and eyeball size. He was hurrying for work. He was always late back in the 80’ s too. Back when Shoes had been his boss, as a strippergram, company they handled the more ‘obscure’ of party bookings.

 

 

 

He hurried to catch him, but got lost outside WHsmiths. He knew as it was Thursday, Jeffrey would still be hurrying to wok tomorrow, so he word track him down there.

 

 

 

Shoes couldn’t decide whether he was dead and in heaven or working out a mytery his life never solved. In the meantime he had to track down the Pottatooth.

 

 

 

Shoes found out 2 bits of information that day, 1 Nancergaretta was not listed in the Yellow Pages and 2, his penis was very small in comparison to a piñata, Nancergarretta the Pottatooth’s too.

 

 

 

The next day at exactly 9pm the time at which he had seen him the day previous, Shoes waited outside WHsmiths, and sure enough after 43 hours (Jeffrey was Really late this time) he caught him, and dragged him off into the distance.

 

 

 

Act 2

 

Scene 2

 

 

 

A warehouse in Preston,

 

Shoes hit a bin bag early morning, with a stick. Late night last might, interrogation is only one of many word beginning with I. He talked to his old Employee Jeffrey, last night. The following is the statement that shoes wrote on his type writer in the warehouse.

 

 

 

OFFICIAL STATEMENT

YAPATTA POLICE STATION

 

 

 

I think I’m falling for my prisoner and former lover. Stop. I asked him 504 times last night (some of them right out of the blue) if he knew why I was here. He denied it. The barstard. Stop.

 

 

 

Love, Corperal Shoes.

 

 

 

P.S. I know where that semen leak is coming from now.

 

 

 

Act 3

 

Scene 1

 

 

 

Nancergaretta is told by his wedding dress wearing new wife to lie down and undress on their hotel bed, he feels rather embarrassed but undoes his flies. His hairy face glows bright red, as his pants slip to the floor, and he unbuttons his shirt to unveil in hairy chest. His wife jumps onto him, at this moment there is a powercut but when the lights reappear 1 second later, they are both smoking cigarettes.

 

 

 

Their hotel door crashes open with a great big noise. Nancergaretta shits himself. He stands up boldly to confront the two men who have just barged in.

 

 

 

Nancergaretta: You can’t do this-

 

He is interrupted by an almost familiar voice

 

 

 

Man 1: STICK YOUR FUCKING HANDS UP.

 

 

 

Nancergarretta lets several pints of urine spray across the room as he stands on his rented bed, pissing allover the place.

 

 

 

Man 1: Oh, you’re one of them, eh? A man who likes to be naked with their willy infront of another man.

 

 

 

Man 3: Oooh, Bernard you’re so melodramatic, and you’re wearing the most ridiculous of clothes.

 

 

 

The pair are wearing clown costumes. Man 1 is in a blue costume, and Man 3, a yellow one.

 

 

 

Man 1: Come to the Lobby of the hotel now.

 

 

 

The 4 people walk out of the room and enter the hotel lift.

 

 

 

Act 3

 

 

 

Scene 2

 

 

 

The hotel lift. Bernard the hotel Dog lift Manager, and his sidekick Bernard the rolling skull, beckon Man 1, Man 3, Nancergaretta and his bride into the lift.

 

 

 

Man 1: There’s a man just come in the front of the building and he’s called a meeting with all the hotel guests in the Lobby now, because he’s about the reveal the mystery.

 

 

 

Act 3

 

Scene 3

 

 

 

A meeting with all the hotel guests in the Lobby now, because he’s about the reveal the mystery: Where they, I’m waiting to reveal it all.

 

 

 

Act 4

 

Scene 1

 

 

 

Bernard: Which floor please?

 

Bernard The Rolling Skull: No, you’re meant to say ‘what floor please’

 

 

 

Man 3: Oooh, did you see that gardening programme last night? Oooooh er, we’ll have the Lobby please.

 

 

 

Wife of Nancergaretta: Pssssssssssst

 

 

 

Nancergaretta: what?

 

Wife of Nancergaretta: ppsssst, you’re flying low.

 

Nancergaretta explodes out of the lift, and runs to Mc Donalds.

 

 

 

Act 5

 

Scene 1

 

 

 

McDonalds

 

 

 

Nancergaretta: I’ll have a McOinky please.

 

 

 

Act 5

 

Scene 2

 

 

 

A man who lives on Saturn is an urn but how much money does he earn? Is he a twat? If he lived on Jupiter, who would do his laundry, if he visited Monday where would Uranus sprout yoghurts?

 

 

 

Act 6

 

Scene 1

 

Lobby

 

 

 

Revelation scene

 

 

 

Jeffrey: well, well, well, I see we have everyone here now, I can reveal that the killer is among us,…

 

 

 

………………as we know, earlier today my old officer Shoes travelled through time to see that all was not well in his future world, far from it, we have discovered that witchcraft is now is about, the new plague is amongst us. AIDS, achieved from African people eating Africa (sorry, monkeys) in the olden days is now spreading from Gay Faggotonia Magazine reader to Ass scratching moustache owner, etc…

 

 

 

We were aided by Secret undercover agent Man 1.

 

 

 

Man 3: What ??! you deceived me… … …OH you!!!

 

 

 

Man 1 pulls a sawn off shot gun from under his raincoat and blows man 3 away.

 

 

 

Jeffrey: …and we needed the evidence off Nancergaretta, you see 6 months ago today he was a unsuspecting witness to man 1’s last murder… The world media could not find him anywhere, we put up constant billboard posters, bombarded the Tv and radio stations, not to mention the internet… and so we eventually found him in a rotten skeletons facial regions. In the meantime he became an international star and a hero, appearing in everyones lives, suddenly declaring the pottatooth race upon the world. And proving a certain documentarian very right.

 

 

 

Jeffrey: You see, The aids virus has happened on earth due to faggots like Man 2 and Man 3. We needed to prove man 1 killed gays, and so he would be legally allowed to kill a new faggot whom we have now discovered is living on earth.

 

 

 

Shoes: yes we can now reveal that there is a unnatural faggot man among us ladies and gentlemen…

 

 

 

The crowd become annoyed and grunt like real men with apples.

 

 

 

Bob The Impatient Homophobic Crowd Member: Aal Kyyll Hiem!

 

 

 

Angry Crow Member: Nancergaretta fucks Tuna Fish

 

 

 

Nancergaretta: No, No, No, the faggot is… Bernard The lift Attendant!

 

 

 

Act 6

 

 

 

Scene 2

 

 

 

Mcdonalds

 

 

 

Nancergaretta: wow I’m sure glad that’s over, the married life was for me anyway, she was a statue anyway, that adventure was shit anyway, I didn’t even get to drive a car, Nancergaretta stamps on a spider, and sinks his fangs into his McBernard The Lift Attendant.

 

 

 

 

 

 

His penis was yellow all along.